


World Map

by bluestalking, feverbeats



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: 1997 content with a brand new route, Bisexual Character, Cloud's terrible backstory, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Post-Final Fantasy VII Remake, Pretty chill, a surprising number of boats, at least one bedtime story, barret minus gun, but sex though!, everybody take turns bedsharing, everyone has trauma history, everyone is bi, feel your feelings, more tags to come, no graphic violence, returning to the seat of your traumas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 73,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26063626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestalking/pseuds/bluestalking, https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: The world is so big. That's the first thing Aerith thinks when she steps into it.This is one possible option for what happens after Remake part 1. Now that destiny isn't decided anymore, where will you go? Who will you meet? What will you be? This isn't what you see in dreams. This is another world. Some of the answers are: falling in love with a bunch of your friends, taking the world map by a whole new route, and finding out things you really need to know but were a lot more comfortable forgetting.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife, Aerith Gainsborough/Tifa Lockhart, Cloud Strife/Barret Wallace, Tifa Lockhart/Barret Wallace, past Aerith Gainsborough/Zack Fair, past Cloud Strife/Zack Fair - Relationship
Comments: 64
Kudos: 107





	1. Aerith

The world is so big. That's the first thing Aerith thinks when she steps into it. She's never been outside of Midgar before, since she can remember, and the sudden freedom is breathtaking. She can see great swaths of green, out beyond where the leeching destruction of the reactors' influence ends. She's never seen that much grass. Just her own little garden.

None of the others are looking so shell-shocked, so she puts on a smile and says brightly, "Which way do you think we go?" There are so many options. Infinite options.

“Any,” says Cloud. “Or--you would know, wouldn’t you? It’s your promised land.” Tifa puts a hand to his wrist and smiles at Aerith. 

“Where to begin,” Tifa says. “Well, at least all of this is familiar. Boy, I left the country as soon as I could, when I was a kid! I didn’t realize how much I missed the sky.”

“I missed the air,” says Red. “There isn’t any air, in Hojo’s lab.”

Aerith nods emphatically. It feels like her heart is still beating out of her chest with the panic of being back there. "I thought getting out of there was something," she says. "I hadn't imagined--this."

"Well, none of this is news to me," Barret says. "Sooner we get moving, sooner we can get home." He starts off toward the fields of grass without a glance behind him.

“So _you_ know where we’re going?” Tifa calls after him. Aerith thinks Tifa sounds a little breathless behind her usual steady voice. Maybe, even if Tifa comes from out here, Aerith isn’t the only one who is overwhelmed by how much world there is. 

“We don’t have any gear,” says Cloud. “No supplies. Not much of anything. We should find somewhere to eat and sleep.”

“As long as we can see Midgar, I will feel uneasy,” says Red. “Although I’m afraid Shinra covers far more ground than that.”

Barret stops and turns. "We're closest to Kalm, but there's gonna be Shinra there, too. Like Red said."

"Will there be somewhere we can even get supplies safely?" Aerith asks. The idea of being out here on the run isn't as terrifying as perhaps it should be. The endless options feel worse.

"If we're smart," Barret says, eyeing at least Cloud like he doubts it.

“You’re right,” says Cloud. “We should be smart. Sephiroth…” He stirs, stretching out his shoulders and blinking. 

“He’s not here right now,” says Tifa. “I don’t think he’ll come back.”

“He always comes back,” says Cloud, and Tifa gives him a long, worried look that Aerith alone notices. 

Aerith brushes off a shiver at the thought of Sephiroth returning. It's awful to see something get to Cloud so much, and she tells herself that's all it is.

"We can kick his ass if he does turn up anytime soon," Barret says, in the face of all the evidence.

“Not dying isn’t the same as winning,” Cloud says.

"Speak for yourself," Barret says.

"One step at a time," Aerith says. "Okay? Let's just...breathe." None of the others, except for maybe Red, seem to be people who like taking a minute to breathe.

Tifa says, “All right, everyone. Tonight we just need to regroup, and not get immediately arrested by the Shinra. There must be more than one town within walking distance of the city. Somewhere one of us has friends, maybe? It’s been awhile since--” She throws that look at Cloud again. “I’m not sure I’ll be that useful.”

"Friends, ha," Barret says, deflating a little.

"I don't know anybody, but I can make friends anywhere," Aerith says, her cheerfulness a little forced. "I'll just strongarm people into it." That's what she did with Cloud, after all. Tifa liked her right away, so she didn't have to.

Tifa laughs, and it sounds grateful. “I know you will. So maybe we should just go to Kalm! Aerith can be our Plan A and also our graceful exit. The four of us can be the skull-cracking in the middle.”

“Sounds fine,” says Cloud, and starts walking. 

“Do _you_ know where Kalm is?” yells Tifa.

“Apparently!” Cloud yells back, still striding away.

Aerith allows herself and Tifa to be left behind a little. She wants space to clear her head, and Tifa won't get in the way of that. "What do you think?" she asks, when Barret, Cloud, and Red have moved on ahead. "Overwhelming?"

Tifa smiles, tired. “I’m not sure,” she says. “I think I hit overwhelming even before the plate fell. Aerith--do you want to know a secret?” 

"Always," Aerith says. She wants more than anything for Tifa to trust her.

Tifa nods. “To tell the truth,” she says, “Before we destroyed those reactors? I thought I might want to quit Avalanche. You know, like it was too much, or it wouldn’t work. Maybe both. But I didn’t, and now look at everything that’s happened.”

Aerith untangles that. "Do you wish you had?" A lot of what's happened has been awful. But hopefully not all of it.

Tifa exhales. “Would everything have still happened like this?” she asks. “The plate? President Shinra? Sephiroth making his plans? I’m not sure it’s worth looking back and regretting the past, because I won’t ever know the answer. Maybe if I had quit, all of this still would have happened, except I wouldn’t be here with all of you. I wouldn’t have the hope of making something right, in the end.”

Tifa is so hopeful that just being near her gives Aerith hope. Not that Aerith likes to dwell on the negative--but sometimes the things the planet has to tell her are depressing, or her dreams are nightmares. "Well," she says, "I'm glad you're here. I can't imagine doing this without you." That's too much to say, probably, but there's so much happening, and so much of it is dangerous. She might as well say what she feels.

Tifa says, “Well, I’m sticking around.” She smiles, and just the tops of her cheeks are very slightly pink.

"Anyway," Aerith says, "It wouldn't be fair to leave Red as the only thing to keep Barret and Cloud from killing each other." She doesn't mean to deflect from the topic at hand. It's just that wanting things is sometimes frustratingly hard.

Tifa squints at the three of them, walking ahead. “You think it’s that bad?” she says. 

"Maybe it's just banter," Aerith says skeptically. Everything Cloud says has sharp edges. Those don't bother her, but Barret's more sensitive.

“Mm,” says Tifa. “Well, they don’t know each other very well yet. And they’re both…” She waves her hand in their direction. “But I think it helped a little, coming after you.” 

"My master plan," Aerith says lightly. She doesn't know how to say that she was terrified they wouldn't come. There were the things that could have happened to her, and that's horrible, but her friends not coming would have been worse.

She’s avoiding Tifa’s eye when she says it, so she doesn’t expect Tifa’s hand, tightly grabbing hers.

“You’re all right now,” says Tifa quietly. “And you don’t have to fight alone anymore, do you?”

It's terrifying, being seen. Aerith doesn't expect Tifa to keep doing it. "No," she says. "You're right. Although I wish you didn't have to fight at all."

Tifa is quiet for a minute. Whatever she thinks about what Aerith has said, she doesn’t voice. She says, “You know, Cloud might not come off that way, but despite SOLDIER and everything else, he’s a really gentle person. Thank you for treating him that way--like a person.” She laughs and squeezes Aerith’s hand. “That’s probably too much. I’m sorry. I just mean, I’m really glad we met. And I really hope we get to lie down soon.”

"Me too," Aerith says. She doesn't know where Kalm is--near the ocean, isn't it?--but her feet ache already. She squeezes Tifa's hand back. "I like Cloud. I think he's sweet. You know, under the macho act."

“Yeah,” says Tifa. Her fingers, interlaced with Aerith’s, are very warm, but neither one of them pulls away.


	2. Tifa

It takes several hours of stumbling down the road in the dark, but Barret’s route is good, and finally Kalm appears like a cluster of lights inside a different darkness. 

“We should send someone ahead,” says Tifa. “A scout, just to make sure we can even get inside. Except all of us are pretty recognizable, aren’t we?”

"You're probably the best bet," Barret says. "Not being a dog or having a gun for an arm."

"I don't know, I think she stands out," Aerith says.

“Thanks,” says Tifa with a laugh. Inside, she is tripping over herself. 

“Barret’s right, though,” Cloud says, giving her that furrowed-brow expression of attention that slips away when he looks at most other people. “You’re good at stealth. And the rest of us are conspicuous.” 

"You don't have to go alone," Aerith says. "Nobody outside of the Turks and the scientists cares about me."

“You don’t think the Turks are a concern?” Cloud says. Tifa can hear the twist of humor in his voice. “After what we just did?”

“Maybe,” says Tifa, “but there’s also a lot going on that’s _not_ us. Aerith and I can go. After all, no one will take a couple of women too seriously, especially when we’re not carrying a big old sword.”

"Just call us if anything goes wrong," Barret says. "We'll storm that town faster than you can blink."

Tifa waves a hand at him. “I promise,” she says. 

Tifa doesn’t know Kalm, but as she and Aerith cross its border, she’s hit by a wave of memory anyway. Small towns feel specific and different from a place like Midgar. This one doesn’t look like home, or smell like it, but Tifa feels it anyway. It hits her in the heart, and she reflexively smiles to herself to make the feeling go away. 

“Pretty, isn’t it?” she murmurs to Aerith. 

"That noise," Aerith says. "Is that the ocean?" She shakes her head. "I can smell it, too. I've only ever seen it in pictures. And--Well, mostly pictures."

“I haven’t spent a lot of time by the ocean either,” Tifa says. “Maybe in the morning we can go down to the beach.” 

What she really imagines, for just a moment, is taking Aerith’s hand again right now, and running across the tiled square and out the other side, following the smell of brine all the way down into the crashing waves. It’s silly. It’s too much, for how long she’s known Aerith, and considering what else is going on. It’s just that, with all that’s going on, she feels like she knows Aerith very well.

"I'd love that," Aerith says. She smiles sideways at Tifa, a little mischievous. "You'll have to teach me how to survive out here in the country. Everyone's going to be offended by my crass city ways."

“If they’re offended, I’ll just knock ‘em down,” says Tifa. “Look--I think this is an inn.” 

Aerith peers in the window. "No uniforms," she says. "And no suits. That's good news." She seems to have bounced back so fast from being captured.

“Then let’s go get the others,” says Tifa. “I hope they allow pets.”

"We can explain that he's a person," Aerith says. "Hey--I wanted to say thank you. For the rescue. I know you're not a mercenary or a soldier or anything. You didn't have to come along, but you did."

Tifa doesn’t really think Cloud or Barret are those things either, so she says, “Hey, I’m those things as much as anybody. I worked hard to punch hard.” She grins.

"I'm sorry," Aerith says. "I didn't mean--I'm just grateful you came. I kept thinking you wouldn't--that nobody would, or that you in particular wouldn't. But you did."

“Oh, really?” says Tifa. “Well, I promise I will always come after you, no matter what. Okay?” The words come out of her before she’s really thought them through, which isn’t _Tifa-like_ at all. But even though they feel slightly overwhelming, they feel _right_. 

Aerith is staring at her open-mouthed, eyes suddenly too bright. "Oh," she says. The moment stretches on and on until Aerith laughs, shakes herself, and says, "You'd better! We should let the others know it's safe."

“They’ll worry, won’t they,” says Tifa. “Not Red, maybe. But Barret and Cloud--big worriers.”

Aerith nods. "I like Barret," she says. "He has--good energy, you know?"

“Runs on love,” Tifa agrees. They cross the tiles. Tifa wonders what color they’ll be in the daylight. 

"Can I tell _you_ something?" Aerith says. "I'm scared."

Tifa catches her breath. 

“Of course you are,” she says. “Even if you’re an Ancient, an Ancient is a person. It’s okay to be scared.”

She can see where the others are lurking, off the edge of the road. Maybe not the best hiding spot, then.

"I'll try not to show it," Aerith says. "For the guys." She grabs Tifa's hand again as they make their way back. 

“Luck?” says Cloud. He sees them first. 

“They aren’t running,” says Red. “That seems like a good sign.”

"It looks safe enough," Aerith says.

"They'll figure we headed this way eventually," Barret says. "If they even get themselves together enough to come after us. Probably got other things on their minds."

“If they want to stop Sephiroth,” says Cloud, “we’ll meet them all.”

“Not tonight,” says Tifa. She frees her hand so she can stretch her arms out and crack her knuckles. “If I don’t get some sleep soon, you won’t even have to worry about Sephiroth.”

"If I gotta carry all of you into town, I swear," Barret says, making for Kalm. "Hey, there better be five rooms at that inn!"

“It’s a really small town,” Tifa says, cheerfully. She’s careful not to look at Aerith, in particular.

Barret groans. "Great. Hate small towns."

"Then this is going to be a really long trip," Aerith says.


	3. Barret

The inn does not have five rooms. It has two, which isn't nearly enough for comfort. In the end, the girls take one room and Barret gets stuck with Cloud and the dog.

It could be worse. He trusts Cloud enough not to cut his throat at this point. But that's about it. No way is he taking his gun off in front of Cloud. He sits heavily on the bed and watches to see what Cloud will do. He mostly looks exhausted. Fair enough. It's been a hell of a day for all of them. Barret still can't process most of what's happened since the plate fell.

“You know,” says the dog, “Hojo is not known for his hospitality.”

“I got that,” says Cloud. He’s unslinging his sword from his back, but he pauses for a second. Then he sets it heavily along the back wall and says, “No one said you have to take the floor. I didn’t, anyway.”

“Ah,” says the dog, and hops stiffly up onto one of the two beds. 

"You've got to be kidding me," Barret mutters. "Well, okay, I'm not throwing myself on my sword for you guys. You can take the floor, Cloud." Truthfully, Barret doesn't see himself sleeping much tonight. He's lost too many things way too fast, and taken a huge step toward getting rid of Shinra.

“That’s fine,” says Cloud. “No one said you had to, either.” He relieves himself of one or two more uncomfortable looking pieces of equipment, then sits down on the floor with his back to the wood-panelled wall and shuts his eyes.

"That's it?" Barret says. "You're just gonna sleep, after all that?" Cloud is _not_ a person he wants or needs to debrief with, but Tifa isn't here, and nobody else will ever be here again.

Cloud’s hand, hanging off a hiked-up knee, half-clenches. 

The dog says, “I’ll talk to you, if you like. It’s been a long time since I had a real conversation. And I think _he_ needs to rest.” As if somehow the mercenary with endless attitude and no human feelings is worse off than Barret.

"Great," Barret says. "What am I supposed to talk to you about?" He doesn't mean that, and come to think of it, he doesn't know if Red is the kind of creature who forms relationships through mutual bullying. "I mean, you good? You look pretty rough, too."

Red turns heavily to lie on his side, up on one elbow with his back feet kicked out. 

“I could use a bath,” he says. “I feel like the smell of that place won’t ever come off me.” He blinks, and one ear flicks. “They hurt you quite a lot in there. Well, you see. In many ways.”

"Yeah," Barret says uncomfortably. "Just about every one of us has been hurt by the Shinra." Some more directly than others. "Did you get made there?" he asks.

Red laughs, which sounds a lot like when a dog on a street has swallowed something bigger than its throat. 

“No,” he says wistfully. “I’ve wondered for a long time if that makes me lucky, or even more unlucky. Knowing the wide world exists.”

Barret doesn't know what to say to that. It's so goddamn depressing. "Glad we got you two out of there," he says finally.

“Yes,” says Red. “Aerith. She’s an interesting person. She seems very kind.” He flicks his tail, the flame dancing, and glances down at Cloud. He seems to really be sleeping.

"Yeah," Barret says. "She better be, because both Tifa and Cloud seem to trust her a hell of a lot." Barret's not sure yet. He doesn't trust anything he doesn't understand.

“Funny,” says Red. “Somehow I thought you were all very close.” 

"Just me and Tifa, really," Barret says. "Cloud's just been doing jobs for me for a little bit, and I don't know Aerith at all." He grins at Red. "So you're not the odd man out."

“Then that bodes well, doesn’t it?” Red says cheerfully. “I’m very excited at the thought of having friends again.” He doesn’t know how that’s going to hit Barret. It’s really not his fault.

"Huh, yeah," Barret says, but his voice comes out all wrong. The pressure that keeps building up in his chest is back, catching him off-guard with its sudden force.

Red becomes alert. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t know what I said.”

"It ain't your fault," Barret says thickly. He really hopes Cloud's unconscious. He'd sooner die than cry in front of him. "Just lost three of my closest friends." And it's not even the first time. Won't be the last.

Red shivers. “Awful,” he says. “I’m sorry. I know what it is to lose people.”

Barret believes that. He doesn't know how old Red is, but he seems ancient. "Well, now I guess I got all of you," Barret says. For better or worse. Probably for worse.

“I think it’s good that we have something to do,” says Red thoughtfully. “Even in times of grief, it’s good to move forward. Now--I don’t want to be rude, but I haven’t been on the move for so long at once in a very long time, and I think I had better sleep. I’m glad we have talked, Barret.”

"Sure," Barret says. "Me too." And he is, except he hasn't talked enough, and he hasn't cried, and his chest still aches with everything that's been building up inside. But Cloud and Red are there just trying to sleep, and he knows if he cries now, it'll be messy and loud. So he just swallows hard and lies down. Around four in the morning, the dull, throbbing ache subsides enough for him to fall asleep.


	4. Cloud

The light that comes through the window in the early morning is pale, but it’s different enough and direct enough that Cloud wakes up. He swims upwards through a muddled dream, something suffocating and urgent, something that evaporates when his eyes open. He’s stiff. He tries to get up quietly anyway. Barret and Red are still sleeping, breathing deeply, on the two beds. Neither one of them has even gone under the covers.

Well. It would probably be hard, with Red’s tail.

Cloud grabs his things and leaves as quietly as he can. He hears quiet voices from the other side of Tifa and Aerith’s door, but he doesn’t stop for them either. He just needs to catch his breath. Five minutes.

The innkeeper, setting up breakfast, waves at him as he pushes open the door and sets the bell jingling overhead. The air is almost cold, and damp. It doesn’t really wake Cloud up, but what it makes him feel is good. He wanders through the town for a few minutes, eye open for Shinra, but he doesn’t find any and the shops are shut this early in the day. He can see things he’d want to buy through the locked doors, but the signs all tell him he’s out of luck for the next hour or two. He doesn’t want to go back yet, or to answer questions, so he scouts both ends of the town first. 

When he does go back inside, everyone but him is crowded around the breakfast table, talking away. The innkeeper says, “There’s another seat--is there another seat?”

“Yeah, there’s a seat,” says Cloud. “Thanks.” He goes to it.

"You made it," Aerith says, smiling up at him. "We were wondering where you went."

"Well, I said you probably took off and left us," Barret says, waving a piece of bacon at Cloud.

“I still could,” Cloud says, sitting. “Don’t know how that would help me, though.”

“That’s right,” says Tifa, “because we’d just find you again. Just like you found me, and we found Aerith. Right?”

"We're a team," Aerith says firmly.

"I never agreed to that," Barret says. "And if we're a team, who's the leader?" He eyes Cloud challengingly.

Cloud reaches for an orange and says, “ _Don’t_ look at me.” Who the hell would think Cloud is a leader?

"Good," Barret says, "still me, then."

"Or we don't need a leader," Aerith says. "I think we can probably figure all of this out together." She smiles across the table at Tifa.

“Nice of you to say,” says Tifa, “but it’s your promised land, after all. Don’t you think maybe you’re the leader?” 

Cloud peels the orange, looking between them. He’s known Tifa a hell of a long time. He knows what it looks like when she falls for somebody. 

“Aerith makes sense,” he says. “She’s a guide.”

Red cranes his neck and gingerly bites an entire sweet omelette off a plate, then tosses it back in one gulp.

Aerith laughs, a little uncomfortable, Cloud thinks. "I don't know," she says. "You may regret that. I've never even been outside the city before."

“Well, we have one thing in common,” says Red, licking his lips. “We’re going someplace _none_ of us has ever been before. Fighting someone none of us has beaten before.”

“True,” says Tifa. “All right, so maybe we’re just a team, no leaders allowed. But we’re going to follow your intuition about the promised land, Aerith. And--” She turns and looks at Cloud. He doesn’t like the expression, and doesn’t understand it, either. 

“And?” he says. 

“And I’m sure we’ll find Sephiroth, somehow,” she finishes.

"And when we do--" Barret shrugs. "Guess we'll just kick his ass."

"Mm," Aerith says, frowning down at her breakfast.

“What, you don’t want to?” Cloud says. 

"Probably thinks we can't," Barret says.

"I don't know if we can," Aerith says. "And I don't know if I can kill anything."

Cloud takes those words in, and they stick in his throat. 

“No,” he says. “You don’t have to do that. That’s what I’m for.”

Aerith gives him a look he can't read at all. "Maybe," she says.

"Just don't think you're getting paid for it," Barret says, "'Cause none of us got the money for that now."

“You didn’t have the money for it then, either,” Cloud says a little sourly. 

"Eh, well," Barret says, waving his hand unapologetically.

"I just want to understand more about what's happening," Aerith says. "Some of the things we saw back at the Shinra building...I just have a lot of questions."

“Mm,” says Tifa. “Yeah, that’s a lot to think about. That Jenova monster--” The mostly-peeled orange slips out of Cloud’s hand, and he has to catch it halfway to the table. “--is there more of that out there, too?”

"I--" Aerith is looking at Cloud. She looks a little pale. "My mother--my first mother. She used to talk about Jenova. But I didn't really understand what it meant. I was a little kid."

Cloud picks the orange apart slice by slice, clenching his teeth tighter and tighter. Something is wrong. He doesn’t want to hear this. If they can just find Sephiroth, Cloud will fix everything, and Aerith can find the promised land, and that will be enough. Or fine. It’ll be fine.

"Cloud," Aerith says, her voice cutting into his thoughts like a knife. "Hey."

Cloud looks up. Maybe that’s a mistake. Looking at Aerith always feels like the easiest thing he’s ever done.

"It's okay," she says, although it isn't. "Come on back."

A warm weight rests on his hand. Tifa’s hand. Cloud takes a quick breath.

"Being weird again," Barret mutters.

"Finish your orange and let's talk about nothing," Aerith says.

“Huh,” says Cloud. He puts a slice of orange in his mouth. The flavor almost kicks him awake again. Or at least it makes things feel less bad. More real. “After breakfast, we check out the shops. They have some okay materia. And weapons. I saw through the windows.”

“Of course you did,” says Tifa, like she approves.

"I don't need a weapon," Barret says, resting his arm on the table.

"Barret," Aerith says. "You got jam on it."

"Again, damn it!" Barret starts meticulously wiping his gun off, glaring at Cloud as if daring him to say something.

“Since it doesn’t do anything for your mood, next time I’m getting the bed,” says Cloud. Red laughs messily into a plate of fish.

"Fine by me," Barret says. "I only slept a couple hours. Fucking beds."

“Mm, I thought it was comfortable enough,” says Tifa. Her hand slips off Cloud’s, but she gives it a pat on the way. Cloud bites back a smile. 

"Better than the lab," Aerith says, smiling at Red.

“No beds there,” says Cloud. 

"No," Aerith says. "And hard to sleep." She shakes herself. "Anyway, if we keep chasing Sephiroth, we're all going to have to get used to sleeping in uncomfortable places."

Red says, “Do we know where we are planning to go? Because I--might have a suggestion. Or, something I’d like to do.”

"Of course," Aerith says. "What is it?"

“Go home,” says Red. “I’d like to go home. I think. And I think--they could help us.”

Aerith gives Red a soft look, one she seems to reserve for just him. "Home," she says. "Where is it?"

“A long way from here,” Red says. “On the other side of the sea.” He ducks his head. “Maybe that’s too far. But where I’m from, the people study the planet’s voice. The planet would know, wouldn’t it? About the harm Sephiroth intends to cause it?”

"Oh," Aerith says, beaming at him. "I didn't know. We really _are_ the same. I'm supposed to listen to the planet, but I don't always know how. I haven't had anyone to teach me. I wonder…" She shakes her head. "Maybe we could all learn something there."

"And even if we can't, figure Red's got the right to want to go home," Barret says. A surprise.

Cloud doesn’t like it. Going that far out of their way, when Sephiroth must be somewhere between here and wherever Red is talking about, could be a disaster. But Tifa is nodding, too, and Red’s ears are cast forward hopefully.

“What do you call where you’re from?” Tifa asks.

“Cosmo Canyon,” says Red, and he looks hungry.

“That’s beautiful,” says Tifa. “We should get a boat.”

"We should steal a boat," Barret agrees.

"As long as we all agree that's what we should do," Aerith says, watching Cloud.

“Sure,” says Cloud. _That’s a mistake,_ a voice tells him. _You need to go straight to where he is. It would be easy._

"I don't think we'll be any good to the planet if we don't understand more, anyway," Aerith says. "I think it's a great idea."

_Don’t do it this way,_ the voice says. Cloud says, “So let’s shop and get out of here, then.”

"I bet they don't sell anything here that'll work on Sephiroth," Barret says.

“Well, they probably sell things that’ll work on everyone else,” says Cloud. He puts down the orange, still mostly uneaten, and gets to his feet. The edge of the blade slicks across the floor as he picks up his sword. “I’ll settle with the innkeeper.”

“You didn’t even eat!” says Tifa, but Cloud ignores that.

"Is he okay?" he hears Aerith says as he turns away.

"He's always like this," says Barret, more loudly. Whatever. He doesn't even know Cloud.

_No,_ says the voice. _But neither do you._


	5. Red

Surprisingly, given their earlier nerves, everyone takes a long time in the shops. There’s nothing there for Red, so he waits outside the doors and keeps an eye out for Shinra suits and uniforms. And Hojo. He expects Hojo, like a nightmare monster, appearing behind Red’s shoulder, clapping chains around his neck and a hard, horrible bulb around his tail. 

With all of this in mind, his skin is twitching when his friends come out satisfied, like a bug keeps landing on him out of reach.

“Boat,” he says. 

“Map,” says Tifa, waving one.

“Very good,” he says, standing up and stretching his spine.

"Can anyone drive a boat?" Aerith asks. "Just wondering." She drops a hand onto Red's head, as casually as if by accident, and scratches. The question flies right out of Red’s head. To be touched like that is--not something he has even dreamed about in so long. It’s like his skin has worn a second skin over itself, something hard and crackly that only lets through the things that hurt. 

It doesn’t surprise him that Aerith is gentle. He’s just surprised to be alive. 

“I can,” says Tifa. “Okay anyway.” 

Cloud frowns. “Since when?”

“Hey,” she says. “You were gone a long time. A lot happens. People learn stuff.”

"You got told," Barret says, elbowing Cloud.

"Red, do you think they'll mind us coming there, to your canyon?" Aerith asks.

“No,” says Red staunchly, because he doesn’t think anyone will mind his friends. He’s a little worried, though, that they’ll mind him. 

“Let’s go,” says Tifa. “Let’s go buy a boat.”

“Buy…” says Cloud.

“You know what I mean,” says Tifa. “We’ll leave something behind. A really good potion or something.”

"Do you think they're coming after us?" Aerith asks. "I mean, do you think they'd follow us across the sea? Or do you think they have bigger things to worry about?"

“Which they?” Cloud asks. He softens when people get worried. Not, Red thinks, just when Aerith does--any of them. 

"Shinra," she says. "The Turks."

“Well,” says Cloud. “If they do, we’ll fight them off. How many Turks are there anymore anyway? Not that many. And they’re not that tough. They’d be too scared to get dirt on those suits of theirs.”

Aerith smiles like she doesn't believe him.

"The further we get from Midgar, the fewer friends they have," Barret says. "Plenty of people in these small towns know to hate Shinra."

“That’s right,” says Tifa. “They’ve never done anything for us. Not anything good.”

"Easy for some people to get confused, though," Barret says darkly. "Still. If they don't know now, they're not gonna know." He glowers at Cloud, who he should really know by now isn't a symbol of all things Shinra.

“Think what you want,” says Cloud. 

Red clears his throat. “Cloud certainly hasn’t appeared to be on Shinra’s side since I joined you. Quite the contrary.”

“Yeah, well,” says Cloud. “They’re not what I expected. When I was a small town kid who didn’t know to hate Shinra.”

Barret flushes and glares at the ground. "Yeah, no, I know that. You weren't the only stupid one. Let's just get going and steal a boat."

Tifa says, “Mm-hm,” and takes the lead down to the harbor. 

Red finds his tail waving to and fro as they survey the scant options. He doesn’t know anything about boats at all, but the sea smell excites his nose and the thought of leaving this place, where the shadow of Midgar still seems to haunt him, lifts his heart almost too much. 

“Is that one okay?” Cloud says. “Two from the end?”

"Ask Captain Tifa," Aerith says, smiling at her. Aerith has a special look she gives Tifa. They're like they're own little pack, separate from the rest.

Cloud nods and tilts his head to look at Tifa.

“Yes,” she says. “That should hold us all, but it’s small enough to handle. We should hurry up, though--if we gawk too long the whole town will be up and we won’t get very far.”

They follow Tifa to the boat. Barret is looking very concerned. "One more thing I don't love," he mutters.

“Not a swimmer?” says Cloud. He glances at Barret’s new gun attachment, but only sideways and away.

Barret glares daggers at him. "I swim. I just don't like boats. Nobody's perfect. Some people are Shinra."

"Let's not start off this way," Aerith says. "Nobody's Shinra anymore. And I can't even swim."

Red watches Barret and Cloud. He doesn’t fully understand the tension between them. He wonders if it might be something specifically human.

He says, “I like boats,” and pads directly past all of them and springs aboard the long, pale vessel. “But I won’t be much help with sails,” he calls. Tifa laughs and runs to climb in after him. The others follow. There’s a brief time where the boards feel too unsteady under Red’s paws, but then everyone is aboard, and he thinks he’ll get used to the water. He hopes.

"This is incredible," Aerith says, watching as Tifa makes herself familiar with the boat. "I've never seen this much water before. Everything is so _big_."

“Just wait ‘til we sail!” says Tifa. 

“Yeah, let’s not wait long,” says Cloud, craning backwards. No one is running to stop them yet, but he’s right. Tifa starts relaying orders, and in only a couple of minutes (which, although he says _only_ , feel endless and worrying to Red), they are sliding off into the water. Yard by yard, they cut through its surface, and yard by yard, what Aerith says becomes truer. _Everything is so big._


	6. Tifa

Tifa knows that at some point, between here and land, she’ll have to rest. But when she said she knew boats okay, she also meant she _loves_ them, and after years of dark metal skies and the smells of trash and waste and too many people, being out here with nothing but water and sun makes her feel like everything they’re striving towards is utterly possible. 

It’s been hours under a mostly clear sky, and Tifa still feels light with happiness. Cloud comes and sits next to her, at the tiller. 

“You’re good at this,” he says. 

"Yeah," she says. "You missed out on a lot." But she missed out on more. She can't even think how to fill in the blanks between the Cloud who left and this Cloud.

His gaze slides over to her, with his odd green eyes. She can’t get used to those, not even with months of practice. Shinra did that to him, and in exchange, took something that he had. Exactly what, she doesn’t know yet. 

He says, “I know.”

"Do you think we'll find Sephiroth?" she asks. That's not really her question, but she doesn't know how to say what she means directly. She wants to know what Cloud is going to do with Sephiroth. What he can do and what he's willing to do.

“Yes,” says Cloud. “That part’s easy. I know I can find him.”

"How are you so sure?" Tifa asks. It's worrying.

Cloud says, “He’s not hiding, that’s why. He wants to be found. As long as he’s not stopped, he wants to be found.”

Very clearly, to Tifa, anyway, he means, _He wants me to find him._

"Do you think we can stop him?" she asks.

“Yes,” Cloud says. He picks at his gloves. It’s too hot for them. Tifa knows; her arms are sweltering. “I didn’t really come to your end of the boat for that.”

"So why did you come?" She gives him an encouraging smile. He wants to talk to her. That's new. That's _great_. Maybe the old Cloud isn't totally gone after all.

“Bored,” he says. “And that end of the boat is really annoyed with me.”

"You and Barret are going to have to stop going at it," Tifa says. "Or we'll push you both off."

“Sure, let me know how,” says Cloud. “I don’t really know what I’m doing wrong.”

Tifa considers. She thinks it's not just one thing, is the problem. "You're both kind of alpha types," she says. Or at least Cloud is now. Or he's pretending to be.

“No,” says Cloud. 

"No?" Tifa says.

Cloud shrugs uncomfortably. “I’m not that.”

"Well, you're--" Tifa waves her hands, trying to find a nice way to say it and not coming up with anything. "Aggressive, I guess. Macho?" None of that's quite right, and she doesn't think it's really the root of Barret's problem with Cloud.

“You think so?” Cloud asks. He clasps his hands together and rests his elbows on his knees. “I sound like an asshole.”

"Oh," Tifa says. "A little bit. Never to me, though." He's just weirdly cold toward her. But it's been so long, so of course he's changed. Just...this much?

He looks at her like he wants to ask something, but new Cloud wouldn’t, and he doesn’t. He says, “Well, if I’m not a big jerk, maybe you can tell me something that I missed.” Which is such a weird, crazy, understated thing to say. Isn’t it? After he disappeared in the middle of everything--her father, the fire--and came back like _this_?

"I don't know, Cloud," Tifa says. "Why don't you ask Barret?" Which is a cowardly response, but if he's not going to tell her what's going on, she can't make him.

He’s silent for a moment, then says, “I don’t really know what I did to you, either.” He gets up and leaves her alone in the stern. He sits by himself, halfway down the boat. 

Looking at him there, with apparently no idea what's wrong, makes Tifa's heart ache. "You've changed," doesn't cover it. She doesn't know how to explain that she's not angry that he's different; she's freaked out by how complete his transformation is. And there seem to be gaps in his memory. She can't explain it, and it's terrifying. She just hopes she can figure out how to say that to him.

Talking to him dims her happiness a little, which is its own kind of disappointing. After a while, though, her thoughts clear and empty, and if she’s not as happy as she was at first, she feels steady, anyway. 

That’s how she is when Aerith makes her way to Tifa's end of the boat. "Hi," she says. "Want company? It's okay if not. You look like you're having fun."

Tifa says, “I like it. Probably somebody else better learn what to do soon, though, or I’ll fall asleep and we’ll end up nowhere.”

"You can teach me," Aerith says. "I'd be great at it." She wrinkles her nose and laughs. "Seeing as I've never even seen a boat before."

“Were you born in that lab?” asks Tifa. It’s a question that could seem risky, depending on who she was asking, but Aerith is Aerith and if she doesn’t want to answer, she’ll probably just smile instead. 

She hesitates. "No," she says finally. "I always say I haven't been outside of Midgar, but I just mean I don't remember it. My mother--my first mother--says we were brought to the lab when I was a baby." _Brought_ is such a gentle word.

Tifa shivers, even in the heat. “It’s an awful place,” she says. “I’m glad you and your mother left. I’m glad we got you out of there. I’m sorry about what happened to her.”

Aerith nods. "I used to think, when I was a kid, that if she was as important as Hojo said, that she should have been able to do something to stop him. It doesn't make me feel great about my chances." She gives Tifa a self-deprecating smile.

Tifa says, “That man gives me the creeps.” That’s putting it mildly. She feels sick even thinking about him. “Hey, Aerith...can I ask you something? Not exactly about you?”

"Yeah, of course."

“You were with Shinra for so long,” says Tifa. “Do you know how they make SOLDIERs? To be...like that?”

"Sort of," Aerith says. "I know they all get mako infusions. There were a lot of rumors about other things, though. I think they did more than that to Sephiroth." She looks like she's going to say more, but she bites her lip and stops, which isn't like her.

“Aerith,” says Tifa. “What?” 

"If what they did to Cloud is anything like what they did to Sephiroth, I'm not surprised he's so...shut down," Aerith says.

Her words hit Tifa in the gut, and Tifa’s fear comes pouring out.

“He’s so different,” Tifa says. “You didn’t know him before. I understand that fighting can change people a lot, but...it’s like there are these empty places inside him now that he doesn’t even notice. Aerith...it scares me. I know I should ask him things directly, to figure out what’s missing. To figure out what’s wrong. But I’m scared.” Of what she’ll find, and that she’ll hurt him. 

Aerith tilts her head, listening. "I've noticed...Not that, because I don't know him well enough to tell, but something. When I mention certain things, it's like he's just gone for a second, and then he doesn't remember what we're talking about."

Tifa says, “If they’ve hurt him, I’m going to kill them.” She looks up and meets Aerith’s eyes, defiant. “I know you don’t want to kill anybody, but they killed enough of us, dropping that plate.”

Aerith nods slowly "I know," she says. "And I know there might not be another way to stop them. I'm not good at that part, though."

“You seem pretty tough,” says Tifa. “But I get it.” She checks their bearings, and watches the other three in conversation, gesturing as they talk. “I feel like if I push, I’ll make everything worse. Do you think that’s true?” 

"Does it matter?" Aerith asks. "Sometimes things have to be worse first." She laughs. "I don't know, I always just say what I think and get myself in trouble."

“Mm,” says Tifa. “I”ll bear that in mind.” She smiles at Aerith a way she hopes will make Aerith blush. “Maybe I won’t bring it up until we’re on dry land. But you’re right. If something’s really wrong I can’t just keep getting upset with him. I have to do something.”

"You're braver than you think," Aerith says, and she is blushing faintly. "Anyway, I can't be the only one kicking his ass."

Tifa has felt like she’s alone with this horrible mystery since Cloud found her in Midgar. Aerith’s words wrench something sideways inside her.

“That would be really nice,” she says. 

"I've got you," Aerith says softly. "Fights or awkward conversations or anything else."

“Aerith…” says Tifa.

Aerith looks back at her, a tiny smile playing across her mouth. "Yes?"

“I’m just really happy we met,” says Tifa. 

"Me too," Aerith says, sitting back and wrapping her arms around her knees. "I have...dreams, sometimes. About things that I imagine might happen. But you were a complete surprise."

“Me?” says Tifa. “Imagine how I felt when you two showed up in Don Corneo’s mansion. That was the best rescue ever.”

"I was afraid I'd be a third wheel," Aerith says.

That brings Tifa back, front and center. 

“I don’t really know what any of us is,” she says. “But you’re definitely not that.”

"I know now," Aerith says. "I feel like part of the team. Even though everyone else on the team has bigger biceps." And she reaches over, letting the tips of her fingers just brush Tifa's muscle.

Tifa is glad that she’s sitting, and that the tiller is attached to the boat, because if not, both she and it would probably fall overboard.

“Oh, sure, yeah,” she says stupidly. “You know, I train a lot.”

"I can tell!" Aerith says cheerfully, as if she's completely oblivious to Tifa's suffering.

“Ha, ha,” says Tifa helplessly. “You want to steer?”

"Yeah, show me where to put my hands," Aerith says, which isn't better and will only contribute to the situation.

“Right,” says Tifa. “Um. Right. Here.” 

She does manage to focus, and if being this close to Aerith doesn’t solve all of Tifa’s worries, it makes her feel a little stupidly happy on top of it.


	7. Cloud

“You’ve been sitting here thinking for a long time,” Red says. Cloud opens his eyes, and finds Red sitting tall next to him, his tail slowly lashing against the boards. 

“Ain’t anything for me to do at the moment,” says Cloud. “It seems like.”

“You know how to sail, though?” 

“They teach you lots of things,” says Cloud. “How about you? Minding the water?” 

Red looks wistful. “I prefer dirt. And I’m anxious to know how far away my home is. I know we’re going forward, but I am--worried.”

Cloud can sympathize. He does, with a tug deep in his chest. “Home’s not always simple, is it?”

“No,” says Red. “But one is still drawn there.”

Cloud glances at where Aerith is guiding the boat, with Tifa guiding her, and the feeling tugs harder.

“Yeah,” he says. 

“You can’t sit still forever,” says Red.

“Almost never can,” says Cloud. 

“You have to be decisive. I’m trying to be decisive. And to help, of course. We’re doing something very important.” Red’s tongue laps over his big, wet nose. He looks at Barret, staring out over the water. “It’s hard to save the world when you and your comrades can’t speak to one another.”

Cloud says, “Yeah. Is it me? I’m not trying to be difficult.”

Red says, “Maybe it will just take practice.”

Cloud nods, staring at Barret’s back like it’s a whole wall, one of many things that he’s running into without understanding why. “Maybe,” he says. “Excuse me?”

Red nods and licks a paw, which is more of a cat thing, Cloud thought. Cloud waves thanks, and gets up to head to the front of the boat. 

"Hey, merc," Barret says. "Seasick yet?" When Cloud gets close, he can see that Barret is gritting his teeth as he stares out at the horizon.

“I’m all right,” says Cloud. “Small boat, though. Can be choppy.” 

"Yeah," Barret says. "I'm not used to this shit." He isn't starting off on the attack, which is rare.

Cloud says, “Your kid. How old is she?”

"Four," Barret says. He narrows his eyes. "Why?"

“I just think it must be hard,” Cloud says. “Leaving her behind. I know you’ve gotta protect her future. But it seems hard.”

Barret seems to be trying to decide if Cloud wants to start a fight. "Yeah, well," he says. "Not like I have much choice, is it? I'm gonna think about her every day, though. If you think I'm just forgetting about her...You don't know the shit I've been through for that kid."

“I don’t really need a blow by blow to get it,” says Cloud, irked. “She’s your kid. I just said it seems hard. Why do you always think I’m trying to pick a fight?”

"I know guys like you," Barret says. "And it's not like you were ever friendly. I know you're not Shinra scum, but that doesn't mean you want to be my best friend."

“I’m not asking to get married,” Cloud says. It’s pretty rich calling _him_ the unfriendly one. “I just thought maybe there was something I did. Turns out you’re just an ass.”

"Look," Barret says, "someone joins up with your cause for money and nothing else, you tend to feel some type of way about them. I know you're better than that now, but you can see where it'd be a problem."

“If that’s how you feel, maybe you shouldn’t have hired a mercenary in the first place,” Cloud says sharply. “I ain’t pretending to be a better person than you, or even a good person, but I haven’t been anything you didn’t ask for.”

"Okay, okay," Barret says. "I'm just telling you where I was coming from. Nobody's getting paid for all this, so clearly you do care about something."

_You don’t even remember the things that matter,_ says the voice in Cloud’s mind, and he remembers it, thinks of it--of _her_ \--back in Hojo’s chasm of a lab, half a body, more than a body, touching her, the clammy, warm window to her--

“No, you’re right,” says Cloud. “Just money. Nothing but money. I hope this pays out.” The blue water dims. He puts a hand to the rail. 

"Hey," Barret says sharply. "You okay? Because I didn't mean--"

“Fine,” says Cloud. “You meant what you meant. I’ll get out of your way.” He doesn’t feel right. He should do something about Barret, but next time.

"All right," Barret says, waving his hand. "But we better figure out quick how to get along, because it's a hell of a small boat."

“Yeah,” says Cloud. “That’s what I was--never mind. Yeah. Later.”

"Later," Barret echoes unhappily.

Cloud hears it, and he should come back to it. He just doesn’t feel right. He needs to drink something, or sit down. He goes to sit down. 

To his surprise, Barret follows him. "About to get seasick if I don't take a break," he says, sitting next to Cloud. "So how come Tifa knows how to sail and you don't? Didn't you grow up together?"

“Sure,” says Cloud. “But our town wasn’t near the water. Tifa must’ve learned after--after I left the second time. She doesn’t like to stand still, you know?”

"She sure doesn't," Barret says, watching her. "Don't know how much of a terrorist she is, but she's a damn good friend."

“It’s nice you’re close,” says Cloud. He still feels wrong, like something is strumming at him like the strings of an instrument. But when he thinks about it, there’s not really anything there. He straightens a little in his seat. It’s just the boat that’s doing it. He’s not the kind of person who’s going to let himself be seasick. 

"I guess we're close," Barret says. "Not as close as you are, probably. You know, she used to talk about you sometimes, even before you showed up."

Cloud’s about to say that he did, too, but when he opens his mouth, he’s not sure. 

“Well, she’s a nice person,” he says. Then he looks up. “Right? It was good things, right?”

"All good things," Barret says. "You know, the reason I hired you over anybody else was that she vouched for you. 'Course, not too many other people were asking."

“Yeah,” says Cloud. “That’s because all your ideas are batshit.”

"Ha!" Barret says. "They--Well. Yeah. They are, kinda. But hey, you stuck with us!"

“It’s hard to scare me,” says Cloud. “Tifa wanted this. And now there’s…” He waves a hand at all four of the others. And the world, too. Probably has to fit the planet in there. 

"You're the tough guy," Barret says. "You gonna save us all?" It's weird, how he's constantly defaulting to Cloud as the muscle, when he's…Barret.

“Is it funny?” says Cloud, a little defensive. “I already said I’m not a leader. And I promised to help Aerith.”

"Hey, you've never failed yet," Barret says. "You took on Rufus Shinra and walked away. I figure you're qualified."

Cloud turns his head to look out the side of the boat. Water, water, water. Too much, honestly. “I guess I got what I asked for, right?” he says. “Wanted to fight.”

"Yeah, so don't complain," Barret says, dropping his heavy hand onto Cloud's shoulder.

“Not me,” says Cloud. “No time to complain. Except maybe on a boat.”

"Here's the thing," Barret says, "I've decided I hate the boat."

Cloud laughs.

Barret laughs, too. "If we don't hit land soon, I'm gonna just swim."

“I think Tifa’d be offended,” says Cloud. He offers what he thinks is a friendly look to Barret. 

Barret is still smiling. "Well, can't offend Tifa," he says. "She'd kick my ass."

“More macho than anybody,” says Cloud. “I ain’t even macho.”

"Just incredibly built," Barret says. "You're a goddamn machine, that's what."

“Come on, shut up,” says Cloud, feeling flushed. “I’m nothing special.”

"I'm not just saying stuff to say it," Barret says. "Nobody fights like that. Nobody."

There’s just a little tightness at the back of Cloud’s throat, something he doesn’t feel in fights. Panic, maybe. He tries to swallow it away, but it keeps clinging on.

“Joke’s on Shinra, then,” he says. “I’m sure I cost them a lot of money.”

"And that's why you're on the team," Barret says. "And I'm pretty sure you can take Sephiroth down next time."

“Yes,” says Cloud. It’s not based on anything. He knows. He has to.

"But screw that, why am I thinking about that?" Barret says. "I'm gonna stress you out. Know any good games? Because if you don't distract me, I'm gonna be sick."

“Sure,” says Cloud. “I like gambling. Let’s get everyone in.”

"Everyone, get over here!" Barret calls. Then he looks back and Cloud and frowns. "Wait, gambling? You serious? I ain't _gambling_ with you, asshole! You want my money, you better find another way to get it!"

“Mm, too late,” says Cloud.


	8. Aerith

The ocean feels as if it goes on forever, just like the sky. That doesn't feel so frightening now, though. Tifa guides the boat with a steady hand, and Aerith relaxes into feeling safe. But the feeling doesn't last long. The sea is too calm. Up to this point, there've been dips and swells, little choppy patches, but now it's gone completely flat and silent. Aerith doesn't know if the others haven't noticed, or if they just know more about sailing than her and this is actually okay. But it doesn't feel okay.

Aerith gives the wheel back to Tifa--they've been taking turns, with Aerith pretending to know what she's doing--and says, "Do you think this means we're near land?"

Tifa frowns. “I’m not an expert,” she says. “I’m pretty sure where we’re going, but...I’m not sure how close we are. Calm isn’t usually good on a sailboat, though.” She glances down the length of the boat, to where the others have stopped playing their game and are talking. 

"What happens if we run out of wind?" Aerith asks. "Are we stuck?" An uncharacteristic burst of panic makes her throat tighten.

Tifa’s hand shoots out and takes hold of Aerith’s own. “We have food, and water,” she says. “And the wind will come back.” She sounds like she’s convincing herself as much as Aerith, but she’s saying it so firmly. There are the sounds of steps coming up the boards, and Cloud sits down next to them.

“Calm,” he says. “I mean, calm air. Not Kalm, town. Good thing we stocked up, right?”

"Something is wrong," Aerith says. The words come out without her even being sure why. She doesn't want something to be wrong. She wants to feel peaceful, with Cloud on one side and Tifa on the other.

“What is it?” Cloud asks. His eyebrows tuck down. He takes her so seriously. 

Aerith shakes her head. "I don't know." That's the problem with a lot of the things she feels, or dreams. She knows with absolute conviction that they're real, but she doesn't know how to explain it to anyone else.

“Any hints?” he asks. “Animal, vegetable, or Sephiroth?”

Aerith laughs, soothed a little. "Something in pain," she says. At first she thought it was the water, because it's so big and feels so…liquid. "Something below us."

Tifa says, “Oh...when you can’t see them, it’s easy to forget about everything that lives down there, isn’t it? The sea is so big.”

“Do you want to...help it?” Cloud sounds slightly baffled.

"I don't know how," Aerith says. It's frustrating. What's the point of being a Cetra if she can't do anything with what the planet tells her? "It's not going away, though. It's keeping pace with us. Or else it's huge." Or both.

Cloud stands up and leans over the edge of the boat. She sees his hands slightly tighten on the side. “Looks like huge,” he says. “If that’s what the shadow all around us is.”

“The what?” barks Red. Of course, he has good hearing.

"What?" Barret echoes. He looks over the edge, pointing his gun down at the water. Then he jerks back. "Fuck! We are not doing this!"

Aerith looks, too. It is huge. And besides being in pain, it's also angry.

“Calm down,” Cloud says. “We’re not doing anything yet.” He has his hand on the hilt of his sword, though.

“Aerith,” says Tifa, “is there anything you can do? Talk to it? Sorry, I don’t know.”

"I don't know either," Aerith says, frustrated with herself. "Hold on." She shuts her eyes, feeling very exposed with everyone staring at her. "Hi," she says softly.

The boat lurches, and Aerith's eyes fly open.

"The hell with this!" Barret says, but he doesn't move. He's waiting for her.

"We just want to talk," Aerith says, but then the creature bursts out of the water, sending up waves that send the boat tilting and rocking. Aerith grabs Cloud's arm.

Cloud says, “Shit.”

Aerith can’t imagine the rest of the creature’s body, but this is what she sees: a massive animal, glistening with iridescent scales of turquoise and burgundy. A huge, pale blue sail, laid down at the moment against its body at the moment, emerges from the center of its head and runs down its spine. Along its sides there seem to be both fins and arms, and its face is long, flat and sharp, its mouth lined with triangular, protruding teeth that are small in the context of its face--but up close, the smallest would probably be bigger than Aerith’s hand. 

"Talking ain't working, so give the word!" Barret shouts. Aerith realizes he's talking to her.

"Wait," she says, but it's so big, and they must be in its territory. There's not anything she can say. She leans over the edge of the boat, stretching out a hand to try to touch it. She's almost close enough.

It rears away from her, then darts in close again, striking at the boat with its teeth.

Cloud hisses in a breath, dodging back. His hand is on his sword again, but he hasn’t drawn it. He’s waiting for her too, isn’t he?

Aerith feels a wave of panic, just like she did when they were escaping the Shinra building. They're in trouble because of her. "I don't know what to do!" she says.

“If we attack it, we might win,” says Cloud. “But I bet it’ll take this boat down with it. Does it understand you?”

"Not my words," Aerith says. "Hold on, let me--" She shuts her eyes again, although it feels terrifying. Gripping the edge of the boat, can feel the spray on her face. She can't see the serpent coming, but she thinks it's paused. _I feel you_ , she thinks, hoping this is a better way. Nobody ever taught her how to do this.

A question, or something like a question--something that reminds Aerith of the pressure of running her arm through a tub of water--presses against her mind. Or, not her mind. Something bigger. Something deeper. It is tumultuous, and angry, but for the moment it’s poised on the edge of action. Uncertain. 

" _Oh,_ " she says. "But I don't know how to--" She stops talking. Talking won't be right. Stepping outside the feeling of self-consciousness, something that gets easier all the time, she holds one hand up and tries to feel her way through the animal's need. That's what she's always been able to sense. Needs. The needs of the planet, crying. The needs of the tide of fate, pushing her forward.

"What do you need?" she whispers.

At first all she gets is a sense of her own smallness. The creature can’t help seeing her that way, probably. She is really small, compared to it. Then, a sense of its ache--it’s sick, not injured, sick with magic. Some other ocean creature fought it with magic, and now it’s confused and flagging. It’s never been weak, not since it was newly hatched. 

"Oh no," Aerith whispers. She says it because the feeling is so overwhelmingly bad, but really, this is good. It's something they can help with.

Barret's voice breaks into her thoughts. "How long are we gonna wait? It's gonna attack her."

“Shut up,” says Cloud.

Barret does.

Aerith, frustrated, tries to regain her train of thought. She keeps thinking she can explain to the creature, but that's not it. She keeps her eyes shut and tries to show it, instead. The same way she's seeing its pain, she tries to show it her magic. The ways she and the others might be able to heal it. It's like a muscle she doesn't sure how to flex.

Her eyes snap open as the creature moves, frustrated at not fully understanding. It thrashes once in the water, and the whole boat rocks. Tifa grabs Aerith’s waist. Red yelps. Steam rises from the water. It wants--

Not just a spell. Materia. 

"Materia," Aerith says.

"I'm guessing you don't mean to fight it," Barret says wearily. "Thing's gonna kill us, Aerith!"

“What kind?” Tifa asks. It’s the more important question. 

“How much?” Cloud says dubiously, which is not as important, but is kind of funny. 

"If we can tell what kind of magic hurt it…" Aerith looks at the creature, scanning it for any sign of what's wrong.

"I ain't giving it our materia," Barret says.

“It’s better than dying, right?” Cloud says.

The creature sends a pulse of feeling towards Aerith, _into_ her, so she can feel the oozing pain of poison seeping into her muscles. 

She stumbles, but she doesn't fall, because Tifa is still holding her. "It's poisoned," she says. She's struggling to switch back and forth between feeling what the creature feels and trying to speak. "We need--I need--We have to heal the poison. To feed it."

“So you’re saying, toss it a heal materia?” says Cloud. “Hope somebody’s got a good arm.”

“Are you kidding?” says Tifa, with a little of the bravado that makes Aerith’s stomach turn into knots. “Do you know me at _all_?”

"No way in hell--" Barret starts, but then he stops. "You're lucky I trust all of you!" He sounds furious.

Aerith is afraid to move in case she upsets the creature. "Quick as you can," she tells Tifa. The words sound blurry to her own ears, somewhere closer to how the creature would hear them.

“Who’s got one?” Tifa says. “I don’t have anything on me.”

Cloud and Red’s heads swivel to look at Barret. 

"It's the only damn one," Barret says, "so when we all die of poison later, we'll know how to blame." He reluctantly fishes the materia out of his gun arm, eyeing the creature. "Here, Tifa."

Tifa cautiously reaches over to take it. The creature is watching. They’re so small to it, and its vision seems to be so bad, that it can’t entirely understand what’s happening. But it must sense their intentions, or the materia itself, because it doesn’t attack. 

"Good, good, okay," Aerith chants under her breath. She realizes she's exhausted, staying tuned in to the creature, but she can't stop now.

Tifa says softly, “Here we go,” and then she lobs the materia straight out into the creature’s face. The vast, long, flat mouth opens, and then snaps shut around it. Aerith hears Red gasp; maybe he didn’t think it would land. For a few long seconds, no one moves. Then there’s the electric heat of magic pressing against Aerith’s skin, and the sick feeling in the creature begins sliding away. It stretches upwards in the water, and then cascades backwards, gliding in an arc back under the smooth surface.

“Watch the tail!” shouts Cloud, and they all manage to grab the rail before the creature's endless, filmy tail slaps against the water and vanishes. The boat dances dangerously in the water. 

Aerith grabs onto Tifa, as much because of the sudden shock of the animal pulling away as because of the boat rocking. She sees Barret go down on one knee. 

It takes a full minute for the rocking to stop, but even then, the water isn’t still.

“The wind is back,” says Red wonderingly. 

"It was really in pain," Aerith says, wiping her eyes. She doesn't remember crying.

“Kind of surprising it didn’t eat us as soon as it felt better,” says Cloud. “You sure it’s not coming back?”

"It's not," Aerith says. "I just know."

"This better not become a theme," Barret says.

“Hm, we might have to budget for more materia in that case,” says Tifa. “But that’s all right, isn’t it?”

Cloud says, “Aerith…”

"What is it?" she says. Words taste funny in her mouth, like she's just waking up from a deep dream and can't remember how to be a person.

“Nothing,” he says, and his expression relaxes. “I guess if we’re going to make friends with every creature we meet from here to our goal, I’m gonna have to find another way to get stronger.”

"I wasn't planning to fight anybody anyway," Aerith says. "Great at selling flowers, terrible at killing things."

“Right, I know,” says Cloud. “You are really good at selling flowers.” He looks like he wants to say something else. Tifa, still close against Aerith, tenses enough that Aerith can feel it.

"Yeah?" Aerith says gently, encouragingly. She hopes. She wants Cloud to feel like he can say things to her.

“Nothing,” says Cloud. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll take our cues from you.”

"Great," Aerith says sarcastically. She smiles at him. It is great, though. They believe her. They trust her. That's so new.

"No promises," Barret says, but his tone doesn't have any teeth in it.

Tifa shifts. 

“We should make the most of this wind,” she says. “Let’s keep going. If it keeps up it’ll still be a couple days’ travel before we see land again.”

Barret groans. Aerith settles down, cross-legged, on the deck by Tifa. She's going to stick close to her, no matter what. When she tripped, Tifa caught her. That feels important.

“Just don’t puke too much,” she hears Cloud say to Barret. “We’ve got a limited supply of drinking water.”


	9. Barret

Barret is the first one who sees land. Probably because he's been looking out for it for days. He thought he hated boats, and he was right, and that was before the sea serpent. Barret isn't someone who knows or cares a whole lot about magical bullshit, and that was some magical bullshit. (He cares when it's about the planet. But that's different.)

As soon as he sees a vague fuzz on the horizon that doesn't look like water, he sits up and trains his eyes on it. When he's sure, he yells, "LAND!"

Tifa whoops from the back of the boat. Aerith’s at the tiller, but you can’t separate those two lately. It leaves Barret feeling a little lost. Tifa’s his only real friend on this boat, and though they’re never more than about 30 feet away from each other, he’s barely had time to talk to her since their plans fell catastrophically apart.

"You know how to land this thing, right?" Barret asks. It can't be that hard. You probably just run into the land. Barret's good at just about everything on land, but boats are a whole new world.

“Uh,” says Tifa. “Funny thing.”

Cloud, who has gotten up from a nap to come stare out over the water with Barret, says, “What do you mean, funny?”

“I haven’t really done that part,” says Tifa. “The person I was sailing with was really anxious about his boat.”

"But you'll figure it out," Aerith says with absolute confidence. She seems to have that kind of confidence about everything, and Barret isn't convinced it's always warranted.

"I didn't come all this way to die when we get to land," Barret grouses. He glances at Cloud. "You got any ideas?" To be honest, he partly just wants to see that new little surprised look Cloud gets when he's nice.

“Oh,” says Cloud. There’s the look. “No. I--don’t really get boats. I guess I could heal us up if we crash?”

“Hey!” says Tifa. “Thanks! I can hear!” She’s taking over from Aerith, who is laughing. 

Barret doesn't think it's funny. All these kids might think they're immortal, but he knows better. The loss of all of his other friends is still fresh in his mind, and the losses before that. This is real, and dangerous. They're approaching land fast, and it's now clearly recognizable as land.

"Wish this wind would die down," Barret mutters.

There’s a thump behind him, and when he turns he realizes it’s Red’s tail, lashing anxiously. 

“You okay?” Cloud asks Red.

“I’m fine,” says Red. “It’s a lot to adjust to, you know. I’m used to my old perils.”

"Me too, believe me," Barret says. He's no coward, but between boats and Sephiroth, he's out of his depth. No pun intended.

Ahead of them, the land is materializing very unpleasantly into sharp, neck-cramping peaks. The shore is rocky cliffs, and if there’s a place to land, Barret doesn’t see it. 

“Should we keep looking for a harbor?” Cloud says dubiously. “Like, a...real harbor?”

“Um, yes!” says Tifa, but her voice is strained.

"What is it?" Aerith says. She sounds calm, but she's the only one.

“Current changed,” says Tifa. “Must be caught in the tide.” Her face is pale.

"What does _that_ mean?" Barret asks. He realizes it sounds like he's snapping, but he's scared. It would be too goddamn stupid to die before they even get started.

Cloud gives a kind of backward glance that Barret thinks is commentary on him, but in half a second Barret realizes that in fact, it’s that Cloud has about thirty pounds of not so aerodynamic metal strapped to his back, and they might be about to swim.

"If we're going to crash," Aerith says, still calm, "we should jump before we do."

“We’re not crashing!” says Tifa. “Get to the sails!” 

They all jump to it, but despite Tifa saying that they’re not going to crash, it really seems like they are. Every swell of the tide sways them closer to the rocks, and no turn of the sails pulls them out of its grip.

Red whines, then says more bravely, “Anything we want to take with us, perhaps we should take it now.”

Tifa swears.

"We _can_ all swim, right?" Aerith asks. Barret's not sure how a girl from the slums can swim, and he's starting to realize that he did all his swimming before he had an enormous gun attached to his arm.

“Yes!” says Red. “I swam in the river as a pup!”

“Maybe,” says Cloud, still at the sails. 

“Of course you can swim!” says Tifa. It comes out almost meanly, probably because their boat is about to crash and she’s the one steering.

"We gotta go now if we're going!" Barret shouts. The rocks are so close that they might be in trouble even if they do jump.

“You’re gonna sink,” says Cloud. 

"So're you," Barret fires back. He could take the gun off, but then what's gonna happen to it? And he's not doing that in front of all of them.

Cloud looks like he’s going to keep on arguing, but he just says, “Well I’m not gonna be the one to save you from drowning.” 

Then either Tifa or Aerith gives a scream, and Red yelps, and the entire boat shudders mightily into the rocks with a horrible splintering sound, hard enough to shake their bones and knock them off their feet. 

“Time to go,” Cloud gasps, and Barret watches him usher Red off the side of the boat before going over himself. 

"You better be right behind me!" Aerith calls to Tifa before flinging herself into the water. Barret trusts that Tifa will be--she's probably the most capable of any of them--so he follows.

Cloud was right. Barret knew that, but there weren't great options. The water is freezing, and only one of Barret's arms will do what he wants. He can't keep his head above water like this, and he only manages for about ten seconds before being dragged down, right arm first.

There’s nothing but churning water and encroaching darkness, and then what feels like it must be a giant fish, tugging at his arm and trying to kill him faster. When he can get pointed in the right way, he sees it’s Tifa, looking terrified and distorted through the water, trying to get his arm free. 

Barret knows damn well how to do it. He just doesn't want his gun stuck on the bottom of the ocean. But it's becoming pretty clear that it's between that and dying, so he reaches over with his other arm and undoes the latches that hold the gun in place. It takes him longer than he wants it to, and he's starting to panic.

Tifa hand touches his, and they both buy a second to calm down--hard to do, more or less impossible, when they can’t catch a breath--but then they try again, and it’s loose, and then it’s gone. Tifa doesn’t let him watch it fall. She grabs him and starts kicking hard for the surface. 

Barret _can_ swim, so he kicks too, and drags his hand through the water, clawing his way to the surface. When his head breaks through the water, he says a silent prayer of thanks to the planet.

There’s a lot to be thankful for, because there’s a break in the rocks close by where if they don’t get smashed to pieces, they should be able to climb up on the small, rocky beach out of the water’s reach. Too bad they couldn’t have landed there, huh? As Barret watches, the other three appear from the water and begin dragging themselves on shore. 

“I see them,” says Tifa in a rush, not to waste breath. She and Barret both swim as hard as they can. 

Barret's exhausted by the time they reach shore. Swimming with one arm is no fucking joke. He spits water onto the rocks and rolls over on his back, staring at the sky.

"I _can_ swim," Aerith says cheerfully from nearby. "That's exciting. " Barret sits up, indignant, to see her with her bangs plastered to her face, grinning.

“You didn’t cut yourself, did you?” Cloud asks her. 

“I would smell it,” says Red. “Nobody is cut.”

"I am never, ever getting on a fucking boat again!" Barret says. He feels naked without the gun. He doesn't want them looking at him.

“I’m sorry,” says Tifa. “I didn’t think I could help with it still on. I’m so sorry, Barret.” 

"Sorry?" Barret says. He still sounds like he's yelling, but he can't stop. "You saved my life!"

Tifa smiles half-heartedly. “I do like you to live,” she says. “ _You’re all I’ve got_ , right?”

Barret pulls her into a crushing hug, burying his face in her shoulder.

Tifa squeezes him back--as always, more powerful than you’d guess from her size. 

She says, “That was a disaster. I hope it’s okay if I feel bad about it for awhile.” 

"Go right ahead," Barret says. "But we're alive." Trapped on the other side of whatever piece of water they got across, but alive. This is probably the northern continent, judging by where they left from.

"You were amazing," Aerith says. "Everybody else okay? Red, your tail?"

“It’s coming back now,” says Red, looking back at his twitching, sputtering tail tip. “I usually keep it out of the water except when I dive. This was very difficult.” He cranes his neck to look back at Cloud, and flicks an ear. “Are you all right now?”

“Huh? I was always all right,” says Cloud. 

"Red was looking out for you," Aerith says. "That's nice."

“I’m fine, though,” says Cloud. “Tifa said I could swim, right?”

“Of course!” says Tifa. Red, Barret notices, doesn’t say anything. Tifa adds, “None of you grabbed anything on your way over, did you? Like...the map, maybe?”

"No," Barret says, "and I don't know this continent for shit. But we're not going yet. I gotta get my gun."

Tifa’s face falls. “Oh, Barret,” she says. “I don’t think…”

"So what the hell am I supposed to do?" he demands. "I can't fight without it!" And he can't walk around with one arm. His face feels hot with shame and rage. Fuck this, he's going back in for it. He stands up.

“You’re going to drown yourself,” Cloud says sharply. “Don’t be an idiot.”

“He’s not,” says Tifa.

“He is,” says Cloud. “If you go down there, you’ll never get deep enough, and if you do, you won’t have any arms to swim back up. Are you gonna kill yourself over it, or what?”

"What the fuck is your problem?" Barret demands, stepping into Cloud's space and shoving him hard in the chest. "Are you looking for a fight?" He's been trying to be nicer to Cloud, but something has snapped.

“You’re as fit as the rest of us put together,” says Cloud, not backing down, just staring back at him with those fucked-up eyes. “I know you can fight. No one’s looking down on you, so why don’t you just let it go?”

There's enough in there that Barret didn't expect to hear that it stops him in his tracks. It's possible that Cloud is actually trying to stop him from doing something stupid. "Easy for you to say," he says shortly. "You've got all your parts. 'Cept maybe your brain."

“So it’s easy,” says Cloud. “I’m still right.”

Barret glances back at the water. He's kidding himself if he thinks he could get his gun back. "Fuck," he says.

Cloud gives it a second, then nods. “We’ll just have to be careful about how we spend money,” he says. “So when we find you a replacement, we can afford it.”

Barret doesn't have anything to say to that. It's so thoughtful and kind and everything he didn't think Cloud was capable of doing. "Oh," he says. "Yeah, thanks, Cloud." Makes sure to use his name, so Cloud gets it.

Cloud doesn’t answer him directly; maybe he doesn’t know how. He says, “Tifa. Do you remember what was on the map, anyway?”

“Kind of,” she says. “A few small towns. There’s a bigger one, too, I think. North of here, where the scientists live, I guess. The guy who sold me the map said there’s lots of archeological digs around here--fossils, and old civilizations, and--” She looks at Aerith. “Oh!” she says.

"Oh," Aerith echoes. "Do you think we could learn something here?" She frowns. "You'd think I'd be able to feel it. Sometimes I can feel everything, like with the sea serpent, and sometimes it doesn't work at all."

Fine by Barret. It kind of freaks him out, having an Ancient right there with them.

“Maybe we’re just not close enough,” Red says, sounding eager. “I would very much like to go someplace associated with the Ancients. For you, of course,” he says to Aerith. “But as I have said, my people study the Planet, all that it has been and all that it will be...I think I would find a place like that very wonderful.”

"I'm so glad you're with us," Aerith says, heartfelt as always. She crouches down and ruffles Red's wet fur. "It makes me less nervous. Maybe if we find something and I don't understand it, you will."

“I will try,” says Red gamely. “I’m not as wise as you seem to think.”

“You’re wise enough,” Cloud says.

"We're all a bunch of fucking idiots," Barret says. "Let's find a place to dry off and get our shit together."

Cloud hikes his sword onto his back and sets off up the rocky beach. Red, shaking out his fur, watches him for a moment, then trots around back to Tifa. 

“You and he are old friends, aren’t you?” he asks her.

“Yes,” says Tifa, although she sounds uncertain.

“He was confused in the water,” says Red. “I don’t know what happened.”

Before Tifa can answer, Red picks up the pace and bounds ahead to Cloud, who doesn’t seem to know anything is wrong. 

Barret frowns. Stuck here with an Ancient, a magic dog, and whatever the hell is going on with Cloud. He's just grateful for Tifa, who seems to still be the same person he thought she was from the start. If Cloud does anything to hurt her, Barret's going to be pissed. And if Cloud does anything to hurt himself...Well, Barret is just starting to get used to him.

He follows Tifa, trying to adjust to the different weight of his arm.


	10. Red

Red jogs along with Cloud for a little while, talking to him about this and that, but really waiting to see if anything bad happens. He likes Cloud. He could tell right away when they met that even if he doesn’t smile very much or soften his words, Cloud is good to have on your side, and doesn’t want to hurt anybody. 

The rest, though, is confusing, and sets Red’s hackles on end. He’s not very old and he’s been shut away in a bad place for a long time, and no one else seems to be reacting the way he feels. Cloud doesn’t even seem to notice for himself half the things Red notices about him. But something about him is very wrong, and too familiar, and the minutes in the water were frightening. 

As they walk, though, it’s just good, steady climbing and talk that’s cut off now and again by inclines that cut their air short. Red’s mind grows easier, and eventually he lets himself fall back to talk to Aerith. 

“Hello,” he says.

"Hi," she says, smiling down at him. She's talked to him like a friend ever since they first met in the lab. She isn't mean or alarming like a lot of the other things that lived there.

In fact, she makes him rather bashful. Not in a horrible way. Only that he’s a little afraid they only have terrible things to share between them, and he’d rather be friends.

“I think you rather enjoyed almost drowning,” he says. 

She laughs. "I don't mind being in trouble," she says. "I really wasn't sure if I could swim, but I made it to shore, so that's okay. I'm just glad everyone else is all right."

“I’m sorry about Barret,” says Red. “I can’t fully understand. But I can see he’s unhappy.”

"I wonder if he'll be happier, in the long run," Aerith says thoughtfully. "Have an option that isn't a gun."

“You don’t like it,” Red suggests. 

"I don't think it helps," she says. "Not the creatures we encounter and not him. Imagine that being your only option. I think he must have been very angry to have chosen it in the first place." She shrugs. "It's not up to me, and maybe he'll replace it with another gun. But I wonder if he will."

Red doesn’t know where Barret has come from or what has happened to him before this week, but he knows already that the only thing Barret wants is to be a protector. The world isn’t a kind place. Maybe Barret is right in thinking that the only way to protect what you love is to fight everything else as fiercely as you can. Red doesn’t feel guilty or anxious at the idea of using his teeth or his magic. He isn’t afraid to draw blood. Aerith is different from all of them, in that way. 

Red looks up ahead, to where Cloud is walking alone and Tifa and Barret are conversing heartily, and says, “Do you think that about Cloud and Tifa too? Do you think they’ve all made a mistake, out of fear?”

Aerith hesitates. "I don't know," she says. "I do know that I don't believe in Avalanche. And I think Cloud believes he's only as good as what he can kill. Tifa is different, though."

Red’s ear twitches. “Please, say more,” he says. 

"I don't think she defines herself by violence," Aerith says. "I think she knows how to be strong without hurting anyone." She frowns. "I think. I haven't known her very long."

Red huffs out a laugh. “Well. Neither have I. But they all make strong impressions, don’t they?” Not that his all match hers. He hasn’t thought about either Barret or Cloud that way before. By now he is used to the idea that to protect yourself, or anyone else, you have to draw blood. He doesn’t like it, but do they, either?

"Don't get me wrong," Aerith says, "I like all of them. Cloud is…" She trails off and doesn't start again, which is unlike her.

Red lets his still damp shoulder bump against her calf. “What?” he says. He’d like someone to know _something_.

"I feel like I know him," Aerith says. "Like I have from the start."

Red walks along a little further. “You mean…?” he says, and then gives up. “How do you mean?”

"Like I've seen him in my dreams," Aerith says, no coyness, just straightforward.

Red doesn’t know about that. Red only dreams of stars. 

“Do you think we’ll save the Planet?” he says quietly. “Do you think we’ll stop Sephiroth?” Plaintively, secretly, he wants to know: even if they do those things, will _they_ be all right?

"Yes," Aerith says. "At least--I think we have the capacity to." She smiles at Red. "I can feel it when things are going wrong. I think we'll stop him."

“Well, that’s all right then,” says Red. He really is satisfied. No matter what’s happened to him before now, no matter how few days he’s known her, he trusts Aerith, even to the end of the world.


	11. Tifa

The walk clears her mind a little, and everyone’s being nice about it, but Tifa feels awful about the boat. After everything--everything since Cloud arrived in Midgar, really, his arrival, the reactors, the plate, the lab, their whole escape--they hadn’t had a minute to relax. Even waking up in Kalm, everyone had been shell-shocked and exhausted and cranky. And all their plans seem so huge and dangerous. 

Setting sail had felt like the one thing Tifa could do for everyone, herself included, but instead of guiding them gently ashore after a few days of salt air and sunshine and rest, she’d almost smashed them to bits and drowned what was left. She feels worst when she looks at Barret’s arm, because he’s being nicest of all.

She doesn’t say any of this, just picks up conversations with her companions as they group and regroup, moving forward. They walk north, and eventually find a track. It starts off barely-walked and narrow, and widens and deepens into a well-worn road, wide enough for cars to pass side by side. It looks like some even have.

“Have to keep our eyes out,” Cloud says. “Even if it’s not Shinra’s kinds of science. You never know.”

Tifa nods. "We'll be careful." There are so many other things she wants to say to him, but she still hasn't been able to. "Thanks for talking to Barret, back on the beach," she says. That was more the Cloud she remembered. Kind, behind all the awkwardness.

Cloud turns away, even though he keeps pace with her. “You’ve been angry at me since I got to Midgar,” he says. “Or, something like that. It’s because I was Shinra? Your father?”

"No," Tifa says. Although she was angry with Shinra, and about her father. It's just nothing to do with her feelings about Cloud. "I'm not angry. I'm just--worried. I mean, war changes people, I guess." She's said too much. He's going to shut down.

“There wasn’t that much,” he says. “War, I mean. I don’t think--” He stumbles over his tongue again, and then glances furtively back, to where the other three are getting into some kind of good-natured quarrel. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.”

"You're not!" Tifa bites her tongue. Being desperate to reassure him that everything is okay won't be helpful if everything _isn't_ okay. "I just sometimes wonder if we remember things differently." That's only part of it, but it's the most troubling part.

Cloud is quiet for a minute. He’s going to ignore what she said. He’s going to walk off and talk to somebody else, or hang back fiddling with something while she keeps going. He’s not going to let her in.

Finally, though, he does say something. He says, “I don’t like thinking about the past.”

Tifa gathers her courage and says, "But I'm in the past."

“I know,” says Cloud. “I didn’t mean I don’t like you. I mean--something else.”

"I get it," Tifa says, although she doesn't, really. If he's talking about trauma, she can help. They can all help. It's not like any of them are strangers to the idea.

But whatever kind of courage Cloud has worked up for sharing his feelings has run out. 

“Yeah,” he says, looking away, shrugging his shoulder like he’s trying to ease the weight of his sword. “Sorry. I’m glad we met up again.”

He doesn’t talk about things. How can she be sure of what he’s avoiding and what he just doesn’t _know_? Like: does he remember how she found him, not even that many days ago, half-slumped and dazed on the train platform? It was like he was dumped there to die, and now, it’s like that never happened.

"I'm glad too," she says halfheartedly, and she just knows he's going to take away from this that she's angry.

Cloud says, “Hey, it’s all gonna work out. I’m sure of it.”

"I do want to find Sephiroth," Tifa says. Just hearing his name makes her angry. She wonders, though, how Cloud feels. He should feel the same, but he used to be so obsessed with Sephiroth. And maybe some of the trauma is how those things changed into each other? She just doesn't know.

“We’ll find him,” Cloud says. “We’ll stop him. That’s all. I’m not going to quit until it’s over.”

"Promise you'll be careful," Tifa says. She's seen him fight. He doesn't fight like somebody who cares what happens to him.

Cloud says, “You worry too much. You always worried too much.” He gives her an inviting little smile. 

"It's not too much if I'm right," she says. "You and Aerith don't worry enough." Cloud looks like he's carrying enough worry for all of them, though. He's just not talking about it.

Cloud’s chin tilts up, so that he’s looking back for a moment, straight at Aerith. “She isn’t like anybody,” he says. “Don’t you think?”

Tifa's stomach flips. "I do," she says. She's still trying to figure out what's going on with her and Aerith, and she doesn't know how to talk about it, least of all to Cloud. What if he likes her? That seems like a dumb thing to worry about with all these life or death things going on, but she can't get it out of her head.

Cloud glances over at her, and she thinks he looks a little embarrassed. Bashful, maybe.

“I guess I’ve noticed,” he says. “You know, you and her.”

Tifa almost says _Is that okay?_ But she's not fifteen, and so she stops herself. "She's really great," she says weakly.

“Yeah,” says Cloud. “She’s perfect.”

Tifa can't even untangle what that makes her feel. Afraid and disappointed and jealous and--hopeful? She doesn't know. "Do you think she likes you?" she makes herself say.

“No,” says Cloud, startled. “I mean--I guess we’re friends, but--hey, I didn’t mean anything.”

"Sorry," Tifa says, incredibly embarrassed. "I wasn't trying to--sorry. Let's just forget it, okay?"

“Sure,” says Cloud. He looks at least as embarrassed as she is.

"The way she was with that thing in the sea, though," Tifa says. "That was unreal."

Cloud says, “I’m going to protect her. I have to, as much as I’ve gotta find Sephiroth. Doesn’t matter how, I just know. She’s gotta be safe.”

"I agree," Tifa says fiercely. She meets Cloud's eye and gives him a brave smile. "With two of us, we can't fail."

The smile creeps back out. He does still know her. He does still _like_ her. 

He might even be about to say something, when they come around a curve and the road plunges suddenly into thick woods. 

Red calls out, “Does this seem right? Is the town we’re looking for really in here?”

"Tifa looked at the map," Barret says.

Tifa sighs. She did, but she didn't even know for sure that she'd be able to land them here. "I think this is right," she says. She can picture the blob of green and at the center, the--town? Kind of a town.

“I’m starved,” says Cloud. “I hope either we get there, or someone saved something to eat."

"I saved my bag, and I think I have some fruit in there," Tifa says. "You can have it."

“Oh,” says Cloud. “No, that’s all right. You keep it.”

"We should hit town soon anyway," Tifa says. "It didn't look too far on the map. I just hope they have a place to rest. It's more like a dig site, I think."

“They’ll sleep somewhere,” says Cloud. “You and Red and Aerith can work on charming them. I’m sure they’ll let us borrow a cot.”

"Red is way too literal to be charming," Tifa says. She likes that about him. She wouldn't necessarily trust him if he was just cute.

“He’s got an honest face,” says Cloud. His stomach growls, and he grimaces.

"Soon," Tifa says. She hopes she's right. She hasn't gotten a lot of things right today, and the jungle seems huge.

“We’ll stick to the road,” Cloud says. “A road’s got to lead somewhere.”

"Did you ever come up here, when you were with the army?" Tifa says. Probably a risky question, and he wouldn't have had any reason to, but she can't stop picking at the things that don't fit.

“I don’t know,” says Cloud. “Maybe. There were lots of places.”

Does he remember anything? Did he get hit on the head? Tifa doesn't even know how to begin asking, at this point. "Well, this one looks pretty interesting," she says with forced brightness. "Maybe Red and Aerith will find something to study."

“You’re probably right,” Cloud says. “Come on, let’s find this place.” He walks a little faster, like he’s leaving anything troubling behind.

This time she keeps her mouth shut. If he wants to talk, he'll talk when he's ready, she tells herself. She slows down until Aerith catches up to her and they fall into step together, Tifa trying not to blush.

"I can't believe you got us all here alive, captain," Aerith says, smiling.

Tifa rolls her eyes. “Even if everyone is going to be nice about it, I don’t think anyone needs to compliment that performance. I feel so stupid.” Stupid isn’t the whole word; she thought she was going to kill all the friends she had left in the world. 

Aerith shakes her head. "I'm not just being nice," she says. "I couldn't even sail before today, or swim. You're way ahead of me. And we _are_ all okay."

Tifa doesn’t want to argue, as much of a stomach ache as she has about the whole thing. Then she says, “Wait, what? What do you mean you couldn’t swim? Aerith! You said you could swim!”

"Well, I asked if everyone could swim," Aerith says. "Before we jumped. I'd never done it before. But I did figure it out."

Tifa says, “Oh,” and doesn’t know what else to say except that. Aerith isn’t like anybody else, just like Cloud said. Maybe that’s alarming sometimes, as well as wonderful.

"It was like the water held me," Aerith says. "And then like it showed me."

Tifa’s aching stomach lurches, and it’s only half-unpleasant. Cloud is right about her feelings, too, but Tifa wonders a little if Aerith isn’t too good, or too real, for someone like Tifa. She tries her hardest, at everything, but she’s a really normal person at the bottom of all that.

“It seems like you’re learning a lot, since we left Midgar,” she says, trying to sound normal _right now_. “Is it--was it like that before we met, too?”

"Sort of," Aerith says, frowning. "It was mostly with--death. I could tell if someone died. You know, went back to the planet. There were other little things, but it's been more since I met all of you. I think the planet knows it needs more help right now." She laughs. "Does that sound crazy to you?"

It makes Tifa’s head spin, but it doesn’t sound crazy. She can see it’s true. “No,” she says. “Different isn’t crazy. I think it’s amazing.”

"Oh, good." Aerith, for all her confidence, really does sound relieved. "I don't want you all to think I'm _too_ weird."

Tifa laughs. “No, just right,” she says. “Anyway, have you seen the people I hang out with? If you weren’t a little weird, I wouldn’t know what to do with you.”

"Barret isn't that weird," Aerith says, which must be the first time anyone has said that about Barret.

“Mm, maybe weird is the wrong word,” says Tifa. “But he’s definitely unique.”

"He and Cloud are getting along better, don't you think?" Aerith says.

“You think?” says Tifa. “I don’t know. I think maybe Cloud wasn’t trying to fight. I might even have made things worse, worrying about it. I shouldn’t meddle. I don’t really understand him anymore.”

"Really?" Aerith sounds surprised. "He doesn't seem that hard to figure out."

Tifa bites her lip. “Say more,” she asks.

"He just seems really sad and lonely and bad at asking for help," Aerith says. "So I've just been pushing as much as I can. I think it's helping."

Her words make something spring open inside Tifa’s chest, and her eyes suddenly flood with tears. 

“Oh,” she says, her voice small and tight. She called him cold. Is he not cold? Is she screwing up?

"Hey," Aerith says. She touches Tifa's arm with cool fingers. "It's all right. It's not too late for anything."

Tifa nods, trying to unscramble her thoughts. It just scares her, Aerith saying that. Like everything she’s anxious about is real, but like she’s gotten it all wrong, too.

“Does he remind you of you?” she asks impulsively.

"Oh," Aerith says. "He--We come off pretty different!" But she isn't fast enough to hide the surprised expression.

“I know,” Tifa says, smiling a little. “Maybe that’s how you tricked me into not worrying about you too much yet.”

"But you're too smart for that," Aerith says softly, meeting Tifa's eyes.

Tifa swallows, and she feels just as ready to cry as she did before. 

“Then I’ve got to figure out how to help,” she says. “All of you. You can’t tell me it’s hopeless.”

"Oh, no, it's not," Aerith says, taking Tifa's hand. "It's not. We'll help you, too. We'll all help each other. That's not so bad. It'll be a group effort."

“Oh,” says Tifa. It’s not just this conversation. It’s the whole time since Cloud showed up. It’s the reactors and the plate, and their dead friends, and her bar, and all of the horrible things inside the Shinra building. She sniffs, and tries to swallow it back, but one tear and then another slips free.

Aerith stops in the middle of the path and puts her arms around Tifa, completely unselfconscious. Tifa knows the others will turn around and notice in a second or two, but just in this moment she’s overwhelmed and tired, and Aerith feels so _good_ , in every single way. Tifa shuts her eyes and hugs Aerith back, hiding her face against Aerith’s neck. She can feel her breathe. She wishes she’d done this hours ago. Days ago. Years ago.

"We're going to take care of you," Aerith whispers.

"Yo, keep up," Barret calls, but at half his usual volume.

Tifa, for once, doesn’t look up and smile to reassure anybody. She feels so safe here, the rhythm of Aerith’s breathing steadying her. Tifa, for once, doesn’t even want to pretend she doesn’t hurt. 

“Do they look annoyed?” she whispers back.

"Nope," Aerith says. "They're walking again. You're good."

Tifa exhales. “We should catch up,” she says, and straightens up. “But, you know. Slowly. And maybe you can tell me more about what I’ve been missing.”


	12. Cloud

It takes them a couple hours of walking on the road to reach the town, which doesn’t really look like a town at all. It looks like a permanent campsite. Most of the structures are tents--designed for setting up shop long-term, but tents. It’s not just a few, though. It’s basically the size of a regular town, and some of the tents are huge. 

Cloud slows a ways outside the site, and says, “Barret. What do you think?”

"Harmless, I think," Barret says. "Isn't much up here that's dangerous on purpose, at least from what I've heard." He looks at Cloud suspiciously, like Cloud is tricking him. "Unless you've heard different?"

“No,” says Cloud. “I haven’t heard anything. That’s why I’m asking.” No one else is likely to know, either.

Barret nods. "Should be good. But if it's not, it's gonna be on you, Tifa, and Red to take care of things. I'm benched."

Cloud says, “You and Aerith aren’t useless. That’s nothing. Hey,” he adds, as the others catch up.

“I’m ready to take a bath,” says Red. “But this whole place looks like it’s made of dirt.” Cloud has to clench his teeth not to laugh.

"Yeah, it doesn't look like a place that has beds," Aerith says.

"Guess we'll find out," Barret says, and he marches past them. Heads turn immediately. People, many of them in hard-hats, turn to stare at the newcomers. Maybe they don't get a lot of visitors here.

Tifa takes over as soon as they hit the town. She steps past Cloud and Barret, and says to someone, a dusty-faced woman maybe ten years older than them, “Hello! We’re a little lost. Can you...tell us where we are?”

“Well, you’re at the greatest archeological dig site on the Northern Continent!” says the woman. “How did you get here by accident?”

“Found the road,” says Cloud, to put an end to that line of questioning.

“A dig site?” says Tifa. “That’s amazing!”

“Very amazing,” agrees the woman.

"Digging for what?" Aerith asks.

“Everything!” says the woman. “Creature bones from a million years ago...and the civilization of the Ancients!”

Aerith stiffens. "Oh," she says brightly. "That sounds really interesting!"

“Say,” says the woman, eyeing Cloud. “You’re not Shinra, are you? You people don’t usually make it up here.”

Cloud says, “No.” It comes out a mumble. He feels stupid. 

“Very much not Shinra,” says Tifa emphatically. 

"Mostly just looking for a place to rest," Barret says. He puts his hand on Cloud's shoulder, and it takes Cloud a minute to understand what's happening. What _is_ happening? Is Barret defending him?

“Ah,” says the woman. “Well, that’s all right. I’ll bring you up to the excavation leader and see if we can do anything for you. Come on.” She turns, beckoning them further into the camp without looking back. 

"We must look pretty pathetic," Aerith says. Her hair is dry now, but it's sticking up in all kinds of directions. "Think they'll let us in on their archeological mysteries?"

“Sure,” says Cloud. “You could get anything out of anyone, don’t you think?”

Aerith just laughs.

"I'm more interested in sitting down," Barret says.

“I’m ready to pass out for at least a day,” says Tifa. “Do you think it’s all going to be like this?”

“Probably,” says Cloud.

"I wish we'd find him sooner rather than later, then," Barret says.

Something twists in Cloud’s stomach. He doesn’t quite summon up an answer.

"For right now, let's think about whether they'll let us dig for anything," Aerith says with forced brightness that manages not to sound too forced.

“We’ll snoop,” says Cloud. That he can say. “After we sleep.”

"Should somebody keep a lookout?" Aerith asks. "Not that it seems dangerous, but just in case. I can if you want. I'm not tired."

That doesn’t seem possible. Cloud opens his mouth to say so, but then the lady leading them turns and says, “This is the site director! Director, these folks walked in out of nowhere and I think they need a place to crash. They’re not Shinra, no matter what you might think. Do you think there’s beds in the visitor tent?”

The director, a middle-aged woman with glasses and dark hair, looks them over critically. "There are a lot of them," she says. "But I don't see why not. If they're not Shinra." Her eyes linger on Cloud.

He says, “I don’t work for them.”

"Good," says the director. "Then you're welcome to use the beds. If there aren't enough, just double up."

Barret groans. "Again," he says.

“Hey, last time, who got the floor?” says Cloud, but not because it bothers him. The last thing Shinra taught him was to expect a soft place to lie down. He’s used to worse.

“There’s nothing wrong with sharing,” says Tifa. “Right?”

“Not at all,” says Red, which gets a startled look from the locals.

"I'd share with any one of you," Aerith says. "If I were tired."

"I'm about to sleep on the ground in a minute," Barret says.

“This way,” says the woman who showed them in. “You do look beat. And salty. Did you...how are you salty?”

“The ocean is salty,” says Cloud.

"We're mermaids," Aerith says cheerfully. "Except Red."

“All right,” says the woman, raising her eyebrows. “It’s this one up here. We haven’t had guests in a bit so you might need to shake some dust out of the covers when you’re setting them out. The dig’s just up the road, and it’s ninety-five percent dirt!”

"Thanks for that," Barret says, sounding sincere enough not to be rude.

"I'll keep a lookout while you rest," Aerith tells them.

Cloud waits until everyone has gone by into the tent, and then grabs Aerith’s elbow. Not hard, just for a second. “Hey, what’s all that about?” he says. “You have a bed at home, right? You sleep.”

She smiles at him, but it looks a little strained. "I sleep," she says. "I'm just--I feel like everything in me is waking up. There's something about this place. I don't think I can sleep when I feel like this."

Cloud considers. “Well if you need someone to stay up with you,” he says. “Gimme a nudge.”

"I will," she says. "But Tifa needs company too, and I'm not good company right now."

He doesn’t expect either of those turns in the conversation, and he doesn’t figure out how to respond before the five of them are all inside, being given instructions for where to get food, for turning up the lights and shaking out the blankets. Aerith is somehow already over with Barret and Red. She’s avoiding Cloud, he gets that. Conversation over. He’s not sure what she’s hiding from, though. He doesn’t think it’s him, or anyway, maybe it’s not.

They dump what little stuff they have and get directions to the showers. The crew lend them some work clothes to change into, and one by one they come out clean and head to the mess. By the time they’re all fed, the whole party looks exhausted. Cloud thinks, anyway. 

Back in the guest tent, they survey the scene. There are only three beds, and all of them are slightly gritty, but otherwise tidy and organized. Tifa gives Cloud a little smile. "Could be a lot worse, right?"

He shrugs. “It’s fine. Not worse than Midgar. Well, maybe worse than your room in Midgar.” As he says it he thinks it’s a stupid thing to say, because all of that’s gone. Tactful.

Her smile turns sad. "Yeah," she says. "Well. I guess we'd better get used to this if we're going to be adventurers. I'm sure it was worse in the army."

For some reason, Cloud’s mind goes blank. She’s right, sure. He just can’t--he just doesn’t need to think about it. Not specifically. Boring stories anyway, and Tifa never liked all of that stuff. 

“Sure,” he says. “You know. Gotta make you tough.”

"It did do that," she says, looking at him sideways. "Cloud--I know you're not _just_ tough.”

“Um,” says Cloud. He takes his sword off his back and points to the bed closest to them, still bare. “Let’s get this one. I mean, let’s make it.”

Tifa flushes, but she doesn't argue. She starts making the bed, working with Cloud so naturally that it almost feels like no time has passed since they were teenagers.

"How're you holding up?" she asks as she tucks in the sheet. "Really?"

“It’s not my city that came crashing down,” Cloud says. It’s been a rough week, but he’s just along for the ride. It’s his job not to get hurt. There’s Sephiroth, but Cloud will fix that. He’ll beat him.

"This time, yeah," Tifa says. "I'm starting to think I'm bad luck."

“What the hell?” says Cloud, stopping with one hand on a pillow. “That’s bullshit. Don’t think like that.”

"Oh," Tifa says. "No, yeah, I know. I think." She smiles at him sadly again. "Sorry. I know everybody's dealing with a lot."

“You’re not cursed,” says Cloud. “You’re a survivor.” He swallows. “Anyway, those things didn’t happen until I showed up, did they? If anyone’s cursed...but they’re not. Because curses are bullshit.”

Tifa laughs. "Got it," she says. "Bullshit. Hey, Cloud? If I didn't say so before, I'm really glad you're here."

Cloud pats the pillow into place. It’s a little flat. That’s okay. “You did,” he says. “But I don’t mind hearing it more than once.”

"I missed you," Tifa says. "And I bet you missed having someone to watch your back."

Something--a name, or a voice, or--it hits Cloud like a papercut, when you know it’s happened but you don’t see the blood yet, and you don’t feel the sting. Just the dread.

“I missed Tifa Lockhart,” he says. “Same thing, right?”

"Oh," Tifa says, "Cloud." He thinks for a second she's disappointed, but he realizes she's smiling. "I missed you too," she says, and she flings her arms around his neck.

“Hey,” he says awkwardly, but his hands have to go somewhere, so they rest against her back. He hugs her back, just for a second. More than that’s too much. Like it’ll open something up, and the opening up will go wrong. 

_You should know how_ , something whispers to him. _You could know how, if you wanted to. You coward._

Tifa shrugs away and gives the bed a pat. "All done," she says. "I'm practically asleep already." She undoes her boots and kicks them off.

“Can I take the end of yours?” Cloud hears Red say, and he turns to see that Red is talking to Aerith. “Provided you do not kick.”

"I won't kick," Aerith says gravely. Barret, meanwhile, throws himself down on the third bed.

Cloud observes all this, and says to Tifa, “Hope you get some sleep,” and turns away to figure out how to sleep sitting up against the wall of a tent.

"Cloud," Tifa says. When he turns back, she's holding out her hand to him.

A couple of completely crazy thoughts go through his head, just for a second, and then she settles into place in his head. They were friends. They _are_. This is okay. He’s not doing something wrong. He takes a step closer and puts his hand in hers. 

“Do _you_ kick?” he asks. 

"Only if someone is hogging the bed," Tifa says. "Here, take your shoes off."

“Oh,” he says. “Yeah, I guess.” 

By the time he’s barefoot, everyone else is settled in. When he looks back at Tifa, she’s watching him. He comes over and sits on the bed next to her. 

“Just like being kids,” he says. Why does that hurt?

"Yeah," she says quietly. "I miss it. But we don't have to miss it. We're both still here. Come here, it'll be okay."

“Mm,” says Cloud. He gets up long enough to turn the lights down, then climbs into bed next to her, feeling weirdly like he’s about to laugh. 

Tifa lies there silently for a minute, and Cloud can practically hear her being awake. Then she says in a whisper, "You must miss people. It seems like you hadn't seen anyone in a while."

“No, I--” says Cloud. He squeezes his eyes shut, and opens them again in the dark. “Sorry, it’s hard to focus. I’m beat.”

"Let's just sleep," Tifa says, and at first he thinks she's going to leave it at that, but instead she reaches out and nestles into his shoulder with her head, draping her arm over his chest.

Again. It’s like something, a thing he can’t remember right. It threatens to open something up in him. He’s stupidly aware of his own breathing, and how Tifa’s got to feel every move he makes. 

_Stay calm,_ he tells himself. _Don’t be stupid._

Which is good advice. So he lets his eyes fall shut and relaxes, one muscle at a time, until Tifa’s weight and her warm breath against his neck feel totally natural. And then he falls asleep. 

When he wakes up, it’s bright daylight, and everyone but him is dead. Tifa, still half on top of him, her body heavy and sickly limp. Aerith, Red, Barrett. There’s blood. They’re sprawled. He twists and sees that the light is coming from the tent entrance, held open by the body of the woman who welcomed them yesterday.

He doesn’t understand at all, for a second, and then he understands completely. Too much. He gasps in pain, and his head screams. His hands clap themselves over his ears. They’re all here, drowning in their own blood. They’re dead. Why didn’t he wake up? They’re dead. It must be him, it’s--

"If you're about to blame me for this, let me stop you there." Sephiroth is standing at the foot of his bed. A huge black wing arcs out of one of his shoulders, blocking out the light.

Cloud can’t breathe. He can’t even remember if he needs to.

“You,” he says hoarsely. “What did you do?” He knows the answer. His mind is numb and raging, all at once.

"What did you do, Cloud?" Sephiroth asks, shaking his head sadly.

Cloud says harshly, “I’m not even--” But his sword isn’t where he left it. His sword is in his hand. His stomach lurches so violently that he’s surprised not to throw up. 

“No, I didn’t,” he says. He thinks his head is shaking. Tifa’s body is leaning on him. He jumps up, and she slips. His hand tightens on the sword hilt. “I didn’t do that, I would never do that,” he says. He hears the panic and tears in his voice. The reality of the blood-scented room is curdling around him. He can’t breathe. 

"If you didn't, you will," Sephiroth says, his voice going harsh. "Don't tell me you're not that kind of person. Do you even know what kind of person you are?"

“Cloud,” says Cloud. He tries to sound certain, angry, _better_ than Sephiroth, but he doesn’t at all. He sounds scared. “I’m Cloud. I’m--” What is he? SOLDIER? Mercenary? Anything? It all runs on blood. There’s so much. 

"Who is Cloud?" Sephiroth spits. "Do you even know?" His voice goes soft, caressing. "Or are you a disgusting leech with nothing inside you?"

What he says doesn’t matter, and the odds don’t _matter_ , because they’re all dead but him and Sephiroth is the only thing left. Cloud hefts up his sword and swings at him, screaming.

He thinks Sephiroth is going to let himself be hit, but at the last second, he whips his sword up and turns Cloud's aside. "If you didn't," he says again. "You will. Maybe even right now."

Ice floods through Cloud’s body, and his thoughts go white. “You’re not real,” he says. “This isn’t real.” His arms are shaking. He still sounds like he’s crying.

"You're not real," Sephiroth says harshly, and then he's gone.

Cloud hears his name, cutting through the blank fear. A moment later, he sees almost nothing, but he hears his own ragged breathing, and feels the hard ground under him, and his hand tight on the hilt of his sword.

“No, no,” he says, trying to blink his eyes into working. 

"Cloud!" He places Tifa's voice. She sounds terrified.

He can see. He can see her. She’s alive. She isn’t hurt. Cloud looks around, and they’re all there, awake. They’re all staring at him. He’s sitting hunched up on the ground. He looks at the sword in his hand and shoves it violently away. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Barret asks. He sounds angry, but worried, too.

"You were asleep," Aerith says.

The fear hasn’t faded. Not even seeing them all alive. Cloud swallows, trying to answer, but there’s nothing inside him. _You’re not real,_ Sephiroth whispers. Is it a memory? He doesn’t know if it’s a memory. He doesn’t know if it’s still happening. 

Red pushes past Barret and pads quickly over, so his soft nose is pointed directly at Cloud’s. 

“Listen to your breath,” he says. “Let yourself breathe.”

Cloud hears it now. Makes it worse.

“In,” says Red. Cloud breathes in. 

“Out,” says Red. Cloud breathes out.

_You’re not real._

Aerith, always fearless, joins Red. She doesn't say anything, just puts her hand on Red's head and breathes with Cloud.

The haze slowly fades, and Cloud feels--not ripped out of himself, like before, but still--bad. Half like crying, half too embarrassed to look any of them in the face. Numb. _If you didn’t, you will._

"What happened?" Barret asks, quiet for once.

“Nothing,” says Cloud. “Dream.”

Red makes a small noise with his breath, so Cloud knows he’s not satisfied. He needs to get out of here. He needs air. 

"I've had dreams like that," Aerith says, although how would she know?

Red nods. “You sound like one of us,” he says.

“Did I hurt somebody?” Cloud asks, and barely keeps his voice straight.

"No!" Tifa has come up beside him, he realizes. "You didn't hurt anyone, it's okay." She touches his arm.

His hands clench automatically. “All right,” he says. “No big deal, then.” He gets to his feet, trying to shake them all off. “I just need to take a walk,” he says, and makes a break for the tent entrance. No sword. What if Sephiroth is here? He’s not here. _But you’d never leave your sword; it’s all you really are_. He doesn’t want to touch it.

"Well, don't go alone," Barret says. "I'm coming with you." It's not what Cloud expected.

“Fine,” he says, only because that’s what comes out. Barret follows him. Cloud crushes his first impulse under his heel, and he doesn’t run away.


	13. Barret

Barret knew Cloud was dangerous--it's why he hired him. Well, mostly he hired him 'cause Tifa asked, but anyway, he knew. He doesn't think for a second, now that he knows Cloud, that Cloud is dangerous to him. They make their way out of the tent and down the quiet, dusty path in the dark. Everyone else in the village seems to be asleep.

"So what the hell was what?" Barret asks gently.

Cloud is pale enough that his expression is clear to see even in the low lamplight and moonlight half obscured by trees. Clear to see, not that clear to read. 

“Dream,” he says. “Told you.”

"You have a lot of dreams that end with you swinging a sword?" Barret asks. He's not letting Cloud worm his way out of answering questions anymore, not now that they're friendly with each other.

“I don’t know,” says Cloud. “Lately. Maybe.”

"You okay?" Barret asks. Physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever.

Cloud doesn’t answer right away, which might actually be a good sign. It wasn’t long ago that he’d answer back fast and try to shut Barret up with one word or less. It feels like less of a good sign when he says, “How come he can always find me?”

"...Sephiroth?" Barret asks. There are two options for what's going on here, both of them shitty.

Cloud hunches in, then looks out at the moon. “Yeah,” he says. 

"I didn't see anyone," Barret says carefully. He really _hopes_ Cloud's nuts. If he's not, they're all in way bigger trouble.

“He left,” says Cloud. “Or--he wasn’t there, there. I don’t know. But I didn’t make him up.”

"Or dream him?" Barret asks. "You know how dreams can feel pretty real." He's had plenty of those in his time, where he wakes up smelling fire and mako.

Cloud doesn’t answer. 

"I'm not trying to doubt you," Barret says, "I just want to be realistic. Why would he pop up here where only you can see him and then disappear?"

“He does that,” Cloud says. “That’s all.”

"Why?" Barret asks. "Why you?" Not his only question, but the others sound too harsh.

The answer comes really slowly this time. “Something wrong with me,” Cloud says. 

Barret could have told him that, but it makes him go cold to hear Cloud say it. "Something like what?" he asks, touching Cloud's shoulder.

“I don’t know,” Cloud says. “He won’t tell me.”

"You absolutely sure this ain't inside your head?" Barret asks.

“Yeah,” says Cloud. “But that doesn’t--you don’t have to believe that.” He ducks his head. “Maybe you shouldn’t trust me at all.”

"Hold up," Barret says, "I didn't say that. If you say that's how it is, that's how it is." He glares at Cloud stubbornly, daring him to dispute it.

“If I’m right, you _really_ shouldn’t trust me,” Cloud says. “I’m…”

"Haunted," Barret says. "We all got ghosts. Just means we gotta deal with them." He knows he's no match for Sephiroth, but fuck that. That's not a reason to back down when Cloud needs help.

“Not real,” says Cloud. It’s so quiet, Barret doesn’t think he was even supposed to hear. Then he stirs himself, and looks up at Barret--no smile, just an acknowledgment. “Nice of you to come out here with me. I guess you were imagining something bad would happen.”

"Don't guess," Barret says. "I was worried. Once you woke yourself up, you clearly weren't gonna hurt anyone."

Cloud’s expression drops out from under itself--as in, nothing changes, they’re both just standing here, but Barret can practically see him on the run. 

"Cloud," Barret says. He's gonna start using Cloud's name all the time. It works a hell of a lot better than calling him other stuff.

Cloud pulls away. “Shouldn’t have let anyone come with me after Midgar.”

"I'm not scared of you," Barret says sharply. Maybe he should be, but he's not. "Screw that. I won't let you hurt anybody."

“Oh yeah? How’s anybody gonna stop me?” Cloud says. “You told me. You said _no one_ fights like me.” He sighs. “I’m fine here. Go back to bed, Barret.”

"The hell I will," Barret says. "You think you can push me away? Well, you wish!" He may not be a match for Cloud in a fight, but nobody's as stubborn as he is.

Cloud nods briefly. He knows. “Can’t go back, though,” Cloud says. “Can’t sleep with anybody. Gonna be a long night for you, following me around like a little kid.”

"I'll sleep with you," Barret says furiously. If Cloud tries to hack him up in his sleep, Barret will knock him flat.

Cloud gives him a big eyes look like Barret just shoved a whole lemon in his mouth.

"What?" Barret demands, his heart sinking. Stupid. Stupid thing to say.

“N-nothing,” says Cloud. “Uh. You’re joking, though?”

"I ain't joking about lying down in a bed next to you so you don't freak out about skewering someone softer," Barret says. "And leave the sword across the room!"

“Stupid,” says Cloud.

"What?" Barret says.

Cloud shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says. “I just don’t want to go back. I keep seeing--”

"Not just Sephiroth?” Barret asks. Maybe neither one of them is getting much sleep tonight. Well, fine. Barret hates sleeping in strange places.

“I thought he killed you,” Cloud says. “All of you.”

"Shit," Barret breathes. "Oh man. Cloud." And before he can second-guess himself, he pulls Cloud into a hug.

Cloud makes a noise of protest, and pushes away, holding him back at arm’s length. “You don’t understand,” he says. “I was wrong. It wasn’t him. It was me.” Barret can feel Cloud shaking through the hand pressed against his chest.

"What, who hurt us?" Barret asks. He can't make himself say _killed_. "No it ain't, because none of it's real. It didn't happen."

“Not yet,” says Cloud. 

"It won't," Barret says. "Fuck that. I know you. You may be kind of a prick sometimes, but you're not a killer."

“That’s what you hired me for,” says Cloud, in his more familiar, obnoxious little way. Eyebrows furrowing downward, weirdo eyes staring up. “I’ve killed like a hundred people for you. Hey, and putting it that way, your rate of pay is really bad.”

"Cut it the fuck out," Barret says. "You working for me now? No! So I guess we're friends, and I guess you can keep your mouth shut and let me help you out." Cloud makes it really hard to want to help, though.

Cloud stares him down like a cat, then softens just enough to say, “I’ll go back. I don’t want to keep you up.”

"I'm up now," Barret grouses. "If you stay up, I'll stay up."

“No,” Cloud says. “We can go. It’s fine. I’ll...you really want to share? That’s just...” He’s glaring sideways, arms crossed. Barret thinks he’s blushing.

"Beds here are wider than in Kalm," Barret says defiantly.

“If you say so,” says Cloud, turning back up the path towards their tent. He looks weird without his sword or any armor. Even on the boat, it was always close to hand.

Barret follows Cloud back to the tent. Before they go in, he says, "Hey. Got your back." And he puts his hand on Cloud's shoulder again.

Cloud doesn’t shrug him off as he ducks inside. The lamps are up a little bit, and Tifa and Aerith and Red are all gathered around together on one bed, not acting cool at all. Cloud comes to a stop so that Barret runs right into him.

"Damn it, Cloud," he says.

"Did you have a good walk?" Aerith asks innocently.

“Nothing to stay up for,” Cloud says, walking again. He goes straight past all of them, and straight past the sword, still lying on the ground. He goes straight to Barret’s bed, there on the end, and lies down not facing anybody. 

"Well," Barret says, shrugging at Tifa. "Gonna get some sleep, I guess." And he turns, flushing, and heads for the bed too.

“Night?” says Tifa. But they’re not going to sort anything out by all sitting up and talking through their feelings. 

Barret lies awake for a long time, even after the others turn the lights down and presumably go to sleep. Cloud's back is a wall, but Barret watches his breathing. It stays even, and he doesn't wake up again, at least not before Barret finally drifts off.


	14. Aerith

Aerith wakes up before the others. As promised, she was slow to fall asleep and now she feels fully rested. It's as if even the cells in her body are restless. This place feels strange and familiar at the same time, and she's hungry to place it. Red has inched up from the foot of the bed and is now tucked under her arm, breathing peacefully.

When she shifts and sits up, he stirs. She gets out of bed carefully and makes her way to the door. When she sees him watching her, she waves at him, welcoming him to come along.

Red stretches himself into standing, front legs sticking straight out, and then leaning back until his rump stretches high, and then he jumps down quietly (for his size) and follows her out. 

“You don’t need your shoes?” he asks. He says it as though the idea of shoes is a little funny.

"It's just dirt here," Aerith says. Honestly, it's exciting to her to be outside without shoes. The only place she's used to being able to do that is her garden.

“Mm,” says Red contentedly. His head swivels up--it’s early, but a couple of people are stirring from their tents in the cool wet sunrise air. They must start their work soon. Red says, “I’m happy to be invited to walk with you.”

Aerith nods gravely. The others think Red is funny, she's pretty sure, but she already feels a deep bond with him. They've been through so many of the same things. "Do you think we'll learn something important here?" she asks. She can't shake the jittery, tense, excited feeling. No illuminating dreams last night, either.

“You do,” says Red. “You have an aura. Are you worried?”

"A little," Aerith says. She'd say no to any of the others. "Last night was pretty scary. And if there really is some kind of ancient civilization here...I just feel like something has to happen, doesn't it?"

The fur on Red’s hackles rises a little higher than usual. 

“Take me with you everywhere, then,” he says. “I’ll help.”

"Some of it might be dangerous," Aerith says. Some of it _will_ be dangerous. She's seen it.

Red shakes his head side to side. “Then it’s dangerous. Isn’t that why we’re all here together?”

"Yeah." Aerith looks up at the sky through the tangle of trees that rings the campsite. "Do you think Cloud's all right?"

Red, ever moving, twitches his tail discontentedly. “I don’t know what is happening to Cloud,” he says. “I like him very much.”

That's about all anyone can say, Aerith supposes. "We're going to help him," she says. "We're all going to help each other." And maybe, somehow, they can help her. She turns away from that thought. 

Red says, “I’d like to help you. You’ve been very kind. And you feel like...kin. I hope that isn’t offensive.”

"Not at all," Aerith says. "That's how I feel, too." They're both, it seems, the last of their kind.

Red’s body brushes for a moment against her shin, before he puts a more respectful distance between them again. 

“So,” he says. “The ruins of ancient civilizations. Right here. What do you think of that?”

"It could be anything," Aerith says. "But it's not. I can feel it. I think the others are sick of hearing that, but there's just something about this place." The planet doesn't always speak to her, but it's speaking now. She just doesn't understand what it's saying.

Red says, “They’re not sick of hearing anything you have to say. I’m sure of it. Maybe we should find breakfast and try to shake down some of these excavators for information.”

"I'm great at getting food out of people," Aerith says. They make their way toward where a few people have emerged for the morning and are talking quietly. Aerith wonders what to ask to get the answers she needs. Red pads along beside her, the flame of his tail a pleasant flash of light as it bobs behind him.

"Good morning!" Aerith calls when they get close enough. It's easy to aggressively charm people into doing what she wants, usually.

The conversation breaks off in pieces and all of them look over at the two of them. One waves, someone who’d passed them by on their way to getting cleaned up last night.

“You’re the visitor!” they say. “Well, one of them! Can I say hello to your dog?”

“Certainly,” says Red. “Although I am not a dog.”

“I told you!” says a second person. He pinches the first one’s arm.

"We both talk," Aerith says brightly. "Thanks for letting us stay the night. This place feels…" She trails off. The further into the camp they get, the stronger it feels. But she doesn't know what _is_ is. Like light running through her veins.

“Lots of history in the dirt here,” says one of them cheerfully. 

“And--” says the one who wanted to meet the dog, but the pincher goes for them again.

Aerith pounces. "And? Only, we came here to learn more about the civilization of the Ancients."

There’s a look exchanged, and then the friend to dogs says, “We’re going to breakfast. Are you hungry, or waiting for your friends?”

"We're hungry," Aerith says fimly. "We'll bring them something later."

“Excellent!” says the one who said there’s history in the dirt. “Mess is the big tent this way.”

The little troupe lead Aerith and Red under the awning, where there are good, hot smells emerging, and some more people starting to sit down at mostly empty tables. 

"This is really nice of them," Aerith says to Red, loudly enough so that everyone can hear her. Might as well be polite. She's mostly hungry for information. She'll dig in the dirt if she has to, but digging with people is easier.

The diggers don’t exactly invite them to sit down at the same table, but Aerith manages anyway, pretty gracefully, she thinks. Red, at a dubious look from one of them, says, “Eating at a table is not comfortable in any case,” so Aerith fills his plate and puts it down on the floor. 

Aerith listens to them chat for a few minutes while she eats, but she quickly gets impatient. "Hey," she says to someone sitting across from her, "There's something about this place, isn't there? I could feel it as soon as we got here. Is it true what they say?"

“Hm?” says her target. “Oh, yeah, it is a little spooky around here. You get used to it.”

"I didn't mean spooky," she says. "Just sort of...a waiting feeling. Some of my friends are really interested in learning more about the Ancients," she adds. She's not going to tell anyone she's a Cetra if she can help it. That's gone poorly enough times.

“Oh,” says the pet-your-dog one--they must feel really badly about the pet-your-dog thing. “Then you should check out the forest. We’re pretty sure there’s a lot more back there, only nobody’s ever made it more than twenty feet into the forest before they, uh, end up back at the beginning again.”

"Oh, interesting!" Aerith says. She's absolutely certain she could get further. "Maybe we'll give it a try."

“Good luck,” they say cheerfully. 

“We’ve found indications that there’s a magic instrument of some kind that can help you get through,” says someone else. “Unfortunately...that’s all we know.” 

"Thanks," Aerith says. If these people haven't found it with all their digging, she doubts she and her friends will have any more luck, but at least she can pass the message on. She's anxious to get back to the others, anyway. She wants to see how Tifa and Cloud are doing.

“Oh, she’s really going to try and go there!” says somebody. “Hey, it definitely won’t work! Just so you don’t get disappointed later.”

"I can usually find a way into anywhere," Aerith says. Usually less through any kind of magical power and more through supporness and bravado. She gets up. "I'm going to take some breakfast to my friends."

“Enjoy!” says pet-your-dog. “You can bring the dishes back to the mess tent after, they’ll show you where to wash up. Nice to meet you both!”

"You too!" Aerith says. With a little careful balancing work, she sets off back to the tent with breakfast for everyone.

Red trots alongside her. “You think you can get through, don’t you?” he says admiringly.

"Yes," Aerith says. "Just a feeling. And besides, I'm not good at hearing no."

Red chuckles. “I’m so very glad we’ve met,” he says. 

"Me too," Aerith says. "There's nobody else like you. And I don't mean because of what you are, I mean your personality."

“Ah, well thank you,” says Red. She thinks she can see a spring in his step, over her arms full of dishes. “Let me go first and push the flap aside for you a little.”

"So noble," Aerith says. When the way is clear, she steps through, narrowly misses tripping over her feet, and announces, "Breakfast, everyone!"

Everyone else but Aerith seems to have felt that they couldn’t leave the tent in their borrowed clothes. Tifa and Barret and Cloud are in the middle of very very carefully changing back into their own mostly-dry things, all pointed meaningfully away from one another. There’s a general squawk and flurry when Aerith and Red make their entrance.

Aerith laughs and sets the plates down on her bed. "Don't worry, I didn't see anything," she lies. Tifa's back is so muscular.

Cloud, still only halfway dressed, twists his head around to spot them, wearing the expression of somebody who has never been naked in his life and would die before he let anyone imagine it.

"Oh, wow," Aerith says out loud.

Cloud, boot halfway to his foot, says, “Huh?” and almost falls over.

"You're all so built," Aerith says. "I need to start working out."

"Hey, watch what you're saying." Barret sounds scandalized.

“Are you really going to pick that fight?” says Cloud, apparently distracted from his mortification. “Look at you. Shit.”

Barret flushes. "Doesn't mean I want people commenting on it."

Tifa says, “I don’t mind if people comment on _me_.” Then everybody turns to look at her, of course, and she ties off her hair and says, flustered, “Certain people, anyway. Not like...creepy people.”

"I ain't looking," Barret says, too loudly.

"I am," Aerith says. "Here, eat your breakfast, everyone. We're going to try to get through a magic forest."

“That’s more like it,” says Cloud. Aerith _thinks_ he means the magic forest, not breakfast, but who knows. When she looks closer at him, as he tugs his shirt into place and takes a plate with a nod, he still doesn’t look quite right. Maybe it’s just that there’s no armor on him yet. Maybe it’s something else.

"Did everyone sleep okay?" Aerith asks, already knowing the answer. She did, surprisingly. She didn't sleep long, but when she was asleep, she was completely out. Red had been warm on her feet, and she thinks that helped.

“Kind of a mean thing to ask, don’t you think?” says Cloud. He doesn’t sound mad, but he does meet her eyes. She doesn’t really expect that.

She smiles at him. "I don't know, I thought it might have been better with Barret for a teddy bear."

Cloud goes absolutely bright red. 

“Thanks for breakfast,” he mumbles, and sits down on the tent floor and starts eating without looking at _anyone_.

Aerith sits by Tifa, almost close enough to touch knees. "The food's good," she says. "And they claim nobody can get through the forest without getting turned around and sent back out again."

Tifa’s very dark, very pretty eyes meet hers, surprised. “That sounds normal,” she says. “So we’re going in?”

"Of course," Aerith says. "And I think we can get through. If we just try really hard." It sounds like a great strategy.

Tifa smiles so that creases form under her really, really pretty eyes. “If _you_ try hard, I’m sure it’ll work. But we’re coming with you, right?”

"Of course," Aerith says. It's occurred to her that the forest might let her through, but not her friends. She'll deal with that problem if it comes up. "It sounds like most of what they know isn't here; it's somewhere on the other side. What does it show on your map?"

“When I had a map,” says Tifa ruefully, “I think it showed...nothing. Woods. It didn’t even show this place, I guess because it’s not really a town.”

"I think the Cetra were here," Aerith says. "Of course, they were probably everywhere." She still can't imagine herself being connected to all of that, quite. She's just a kid from the slums.

“It feels like the right kind of place for it,” says Tifa. “Apart. Old. Beautiful.”

"You feel it too," Aerith says. "Well, don't worry, I won't pull another stunt like I did with the sea serpent, I hope." It's not that she's obsessed with feeling normal, but she doesn't want to lose all her friends by being too weird, either.

“Are you joking?” says Tifa, softly enough that probably no one else in the tent could hear even if they were trying. “Aerith, that was amazing.” She bites her lip, and adds, “You know, I like everything I know about you.”

Aerith is so mesmerized by Tifa for a moment that she forgets to answer. She just looks at her, caught. Nobody is like Tifa. Nobody in Aerith's whole world.

Tifa turns pink and says, “Sorry. I’m not trying to be over the top. It’s just been a long week, and I like you a lot. And I appreciate breakfast.”

"No, it was really nice," Aerith says. "You're the nicest person."

Tifa beams at Aerith. “You know, I don’t even know what to brace myself for today. It’s always something, right? But I’m really happy that whatever it is, you and the guys are the people I’m going in with.”

Aerith hugs her quickly. She's glad, too, no matter how alarming things were with Cloud last night. Aerith trusts them all with her life.

Tifa leans into her shoulder, tentatively, and then more comfortably. “Mm,” she says. “This is as good as you said!”

"At least," Aerith says, mind anywhere but food.


	15. Red

There are elders in Red’s head who suggest that maybe they should prepare a little further before they trek into a forest that no one can walk through. The puppy part of him, though, is much closer to the forefront, and if everyone else is eager to go, he can’t bear to try and stop them. He waits for the humans to organize themselves by wandering around the camp and meeting people. When he’s done enough of that, he goes back to the visitor tent and says, “No one works up by the path into the forest today. They’re focusing their attention on an area on the southeast corner of the plateau.”

"If you ask me, there's probably good reason they're not messing with that forest," Barret says. He's been saying some variation on this all morning.

“If you want my opinion,” says Red, “the only reason these people would not mess with something is if it won’t let them. I think the forest simply will not let them.”

“We’re not gonna mess,” says Cloud. He hefts his sword into place and stretches out his shoulder. Red thinks very highly of Cloud, but he knows that his tail-flame dampens a little when he sees this. He hopes Cloud doesn’t notice.

"I just don't think this is gonna help us find Sephiroth," Barret says.

"It might help us find something else," Aerith says calmly. "There's something here, I can feel. We're meant to be here."

Barret scoffs.

“Hey,” says Cloud, sounding more on edge than he usually does, when he’s about to say something rude. “She knows things. And anyway, you’re the one who cares so much about what the planet feels, aren’t you? So don’t be jealous just because she can really hear it.”

To Red's surprise, Barret doesn't snap back, but he does turn his back and walk out of the tent.

"It's okay," Aerith says. "I guess we'll find out what I can hear. No promises."

“Hey,” says Tifa. “I think this is exciting. Can we just start the day off on the right foot? Please? _Everyone?_ ” 

Cloud looks absently baleful.

"You don't have to fight people for me, Cloud," Aerith says gently. "I know I said you're my bodyguard, but I can handle people saying things."

“Got it,” says Cloud. 

"Chances are it won't even work," Aerith says, "but let's go find out." She flashes Red a smile, too.

“They asked us to return their dishes to the mess tent,” says Red.

“I’ll go,” says Cloud.

“You don’t have Barret’s,” says Tifa. “He took it outside with him.”

“I’ll get it,” says Cloud. He has somehow finished everything on his plate even while--Red doesn’t want to be mean, but--pouting. He climbs to his feet and follows Barret’s footsteps out of the tent.

"I wish they'd get along," Aerith says. "There has to be a way for them to interact besides sniping at each other."

Red wakes up a lot. He doesn’t know if that’s something that his people do, or if it’s only because the lab made him restless and vigilant, but he wakes up many times every night. And after that bad time in the middle of last night, when everyone woke, he had thought that Barret and Cloud were--all right. Barret had been protecting _someone_ , lying between Cloud and the rest of the room, and Red had the idea that Cloud was at least one of the someones.

“I don’t think you should worry very much,” he says. “They’re just not any of us.”

"That's smart," Aerith says quietly "You're so smart. Maybe there are things I'm not seeing, right? I'll try not to worry."

“So does that mean we should just...hang out here until they make up and feel like coming back?” says Tifa. “That’s kind of annoying, isn’t it?” She smiles, though. 

"I don't mind hanging out with you guys for a few minutes," Aerith says.

Tifa’s smile gets even softer. “That’s true,” she says. “Maybe we can tidy up a little.” She smiles at Red as well, and while it’s kindly meant, Red can’t help feeling a little sick from it.

He can see where they are all bonding. He can certainly see what’s going on with _these_ two. And it’s not the only important thing, but it’s not an unimportant thing, that there is nothing like that for him anywhere in the world. No fun, no mate. There never will be. And in that way, he and Aerith aren’t the same.

Aerith starts folding clothes, but she pauses at one point to scratch Red's head. "You're going to have to help me get through the forest," she says.

He squeezes his eye shut and open again in a smile. “You put much too much faith in me,” he says. “But I will always do my best for you, Aerith.”

"Don't worry," she says, "I'm just a dumb baby human trying to figure all of this out."

“Mm,” says Red. He tries to shake off his feelings by dragging the blankets off of the bed at the far end, since Cloud and Barret aren’t here to do it. He shakes them out with a toss of his head, and starts to drag them folded.

Aerith glances at him, but she doesn't move to help, which he appreciates. When the tent is in better shape, she says, "Okay, they've had enough time."

“You have limits,” says Tifa wistfully. “I should work on that.”

"Once you stop worrying so hard about other people's reactions, it's easy," Aerith says. "Come on, team." She pulls on her boots and marches out of the tent.

Red pads along beside them. It doesn’t take long for their little group to locate Barret and Cloud. They’re sitting on a roughly placed bench outside the mess tent, heads tilted in conversation. Red is pleased with himself. They are not arguing, and Red was right.

"You guys ready to go?" Aerith asks.

"Uh, yeah," Barret says, looking up. "I'll just return those plates."

He goes and Cloud slowly rises to his feet. Kindness, Red thinks, always does something very terribly specific to Cloud. He looks like if you touched him, he’d melt away like cotton candy. Red hopes that this journey isn’t just about hunting and killing Sephiroth. He hopes it takes some of their aches away. They all have aches, and Red likes all of them so much inside that.

Barret is back soon, free of plates. Red realizes he was carrying all of them stacked in his one hand and now he looks pleased and defiant. "Okay," he says, "Let's do this thing."


	16. Tifa

Without having any idea what’s coming, Tifa feels a quiet, burning excitement as they hike up the dig and climb to the plateau. All of the anxious things that are knocking at her brain for attention, she brushes to one side, and just feeds that little excitement.

The diggers sometimes look up, just to make sure no strangers are ruining their work, but mostly ignore them. Word has probably spread pretty fast, just like in a small town, or a close-knit neighborhood like the Sector 7 slums.

When they reach the edge of the trees, she feels the skin on her back, and the backs of her arms, prickle with something. Maybe it’s magic. Maybe it’s just standing close to Aerith, sensing magic. 

"Here's where we find out if we're just the same as everyone else," Aerith says brightly.

"Wish I had my gun," Barret mutters.

“Who knows?” says Red quietly. “Weapons might not be necessary. The diggers only said people can’t help coming back the way they came. Nobody mentioned that anyone doesn’t come back at all.”

"Exactly," Aerith says. "At worst, we'll be disappointed." She smiles at Tifa, a tiny smile just for her. "And maybe I'm not the secret to getting in. Maybe it's one of you."

“So let’s go already,” says Cloud. 

"You bet, boss," Aerith says. She takes a few steps forward until she's under the trees. "Oh," she says.

Tifa follows her, right behind. And actually, for just a second she’s a little self-conscious about that, because by now she knows she’s fully gone and she thinks Cloud, at least, knows, too. So she has just a second where she doesn’t know how to feel about Cloud feeling whatever he’s feeling about her feelings about Aerith. But that slips away, because stepping into the woods on this side of the camp is like stepping into another world. She feels every single thing she knows drop away. It’s like this place is pouring itself straight into her soul.

“It’s quiet,” says Cloud.

"No," Aerith whispers. "No, it isn't."

“No?” says Red, sounding bemused. “Then will it let you know the way?”

"It's talking to me," Aerith says, frowning, "but I don't understand what it's saying."

“But it’s not angry?” asks Tifa.

"No," Aerith says. "I don't think so."

"You said you don't understand it," Barret says suspiciously. "How do you know it's not gonna--I don't know, put us all to sleep and kill us?"

“It’s a talking forest, not a dragon,” says Red with surprising certainty.

"Let's keep going and see if we can," Aerith says, walking further into the wood. She gets a little way ahead of them and them and for a moment Tifa loses sight of her between the trees. 

For some reason, it frightens her. When she glances around to see if anyone else has noticed, Cloud’s eyes collide with hers. She can see in a second that he doesn’t like it either, and that is almost a relief. Cloud picks up his pace, without any words passing between them, and when he’s fifteen or twenty feet ahead of the rest of them, she hears him say Aerith’s name. 

After that, it only takes a few seconds for Aerith to come into view again. She's standing in a small clearing, still wearing that listening look. "Hey," she says to Cloud. "What is it?"

“You,” he says. “Got worried. We need our guide, right?” 

"Sorry," Aerith says. "I just thought if I walked fast enough--But no, I don't think I'm going to be able to understand. And there's nobody to catch up with." She sees Tifa's expression. "I'll stick close," she promises.

Tifa is caught on her look, but she still sees the way Cloud’s hand stretches out for Aerith, for a moment, before he puts it back by his side, fist lightly curled. 

“We’ll keep up,” he says. 

They walk on in silence. Eventually Aerith says, "I think we're almost there." Tifa realizes Aerith is crying. 

“Hey!” says Cloud--not loud, just concerned. That hand goes up again, but he still doesn’t touch her.

"Oh," Aerith says, touching her face. "I don't--that's weird. I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on."

"We can go back," Barret says, catching up. "You don't have to do this."

"No," Aerith says, "I think it's okay." She just sounds normal, if puzzled.

Tifa has the sudden urge for all of them to hold hands. She settles for putting a hand on top of Red’s head, and he looks up at her, his eyes laughing. “It feels very alive, this place,” he says. “But like it is waiting.”

“For what?” asks Cloud.

“Well,” says Red. Tifa knows--for Aerith, or somebody like her. 

"It's going to have to keep waiting," Aerith says. She sounds frustrated. "I don't understand what it wants. I thought once I got closer to where the Ancients lived, I'd--I don't know, magically know what I was supposed to do. But I don't."

“Well, that’s all right,” says Cloud. “We didn’t even know this was here. So it’s a bonus.” It’s not very convincing, but it’s very well-meant.

As they go on, and the trees get further apart, Aerith walks more slowly. "Almost there," she says. "After the forest--I don't know what's next."

“But we’re going forward, you think?” Tifa says. “That’s got to be something!”

"It's too goddamn quiet," Barret says. Even he's quieter than usual.

“That’s what I said,” Cloud agrees. “It’s like there’s no one but...”

"My name," Aerith says. "One of them said my name. Sorry, I keep forgetting you can't hear them."

“Do you trust them?” Red asks. “Are they near?” He gives a little start, like for a moment he thinks of bounding forward into the forest, like he can catch the voices himself if he runs after them fast enough.

"I think they're...gone," Aerith says. "I think they're Cetra. Dead long ago."

“And...they know you?” says Cloud. The way he speaks to Aerith makes Tifa almost uncomfortable. Not because he’s mean, or anything like that. Kind of the opposite. Surprised, and glad, and about to laugh. At some point Tifa is going to have to figure out what her uncomfortable feeling means. But maybe not just now. She bites her lip so that she doesn’t say anything stupid to cover up the feelings that no one is noticing anyway.

"I don't know why they would," Aerith says. "But maybe it's just something that happens once you rejoin the Lifestream. Or maybe they have powers I don't."

“Well, you don’t know that you don’t have them,” says Red. “But let’s not find out. Can we go farther? Can we see what’s...past?”

Aerith nods. "Beyond that line of trees, I think. Don't worry, I don't think anything here is malicious." Her face is still wet with tears. Tifa impetuously steps closer to her, and puts her hand on Aerith’s wrist, and runs the back of one finger over Aerith’s cheek.

“Then let’s go together,” she says, smiling. 

"Oh," Aerith says, with more awe and reverence than the offer really deserves.

"Let's get it over with," Barret says. He marches past both of them and out of the forest, walking as noisily as possible.

“Well, what’s that about?” Tifa wonders.

“...Don’t know,” says Cloud. “Come on.” He follows after Barret.

They come out of the wood into what seems to be the head of a vast valley, with a floor of layered sand and stone. The sunlight is bright, but something about it carries the same hazy unrealness that the light in the forest did.

They climb up the first stretch of rock in silence, all of them drinking in the sights. Before long, there’s a small cliff on one side of them, and an impassable gap on the other. But a vast tree, hollowed out over time, has toppled across the way like a natural covered bridge. 

“Do you think we can cross that way?” Tifa asks.

"Yes," Aerith says.

"Cross or fall through, if the bottom's rotten," Barret says. "We're just taking an awful lot on faith here."

“So take it, already,” Cloud says, without any sting to it. He climbs up and walks into the trunk. Tifa can see he’s being more cautious than he sounded. 

Aerith follows, and Barret, his pride clearly wounded, follows her.

"It's not rotten!" Aerith calls.

Tifa and Red hurry to catch up. On the other side of the tree-bridge, a flat road winds up ahead of them, curling between huge outcroppings of green stone. Something that Tifa slowly realizes is fossilized coral springs up from the ground like trees, and the trees themselves fade away to nothing. 

“Is this a _sea_?” she asks, a little awed. Then there is a scuffle of sound, and a pack of needle-backed creatures come scuttling across their path. When the animals see them, they hiss and bristle.

Barret points the arm that used to hold his gun at them, then stops, embarrassed.

"Let's just hold still and see if they go by," Aerith says. "I'd rather not kill things here if we don't have to."

Cloud doesn’t raise his sword, but he doesn’t let go of it, either. 

“Just a couple little critters, right?” Tifa says.

“They look sharp,” says Red.

But the animals do go by, and then they’re alone in the road again.

"Great," Aerith says brightly. Tifa can see, though, that her shoulders are so tense she's shaking.

Tifa takes Aerith’s hand, maybe by surprise. “We’re all here together,” she says. “We’re with you.” She looks at the others. “Right?” 

Cloud gives her a funny look, and then, for a moment, it becomes defiant. He takes Aerith’s other hand, then looks down at their hands together and says, almost stubbornly, “Yeah. It’s a team, right?”

"Hell yeah it's a team!" Barret says. He comes up alongside Cloud, close enough to touch, but not touching.

“Come on!” says Red. “Let’s go!” He looks delightedly at them all, and then lopes a little ways up the road. They follow him past huge ancient corals that look like lily pads, past pale sharp things that Tifa thinks are pieces of massive shells. 

“Was it an ocean?” she asks. “When was it an ocean? Where did it go?”

To her surprise, it's Barret who answers. "They always say there used to be whole civilizations here. The Ancients, I guess. Before us. What we saw in that movie at Shinra, but I used to hear stories about it as a kid, too. Before things like Shinra started draining the planet dry, everything was different."

They climb further up, and then come up to a path that looks like it’s made of--bone? It couldn’t be. But it _looks_ like it, an endless spine gripping the very edge of a vast overlook, a deeper valley, and beyond it...something else.

“That’s a city,” says Cloud. “Look how it’s arranged. And the roads go there.”

“It will take us at least an hour to walk there,” says Red. 

"It goes fast," Aerith says in a hollow voice.

"Hey," Barret says, "you okay, kid? We can stop."

Aerith doesn't answer for a minute. Then she says, "No, it's okay."

Cloud says, “Is something down there? You know. Not ghosts.”

"I don't know," Aerith says. She sounds frustrated. "I dream about a lot of things, but--a lot what's happened already doesn't match the dreams. So I don't know what to expect."

Cloud’s hand, which has dropped away from Aerith, shoots out to grip it again. 

“That place,” he says, and his voice sounds sharp, but off, like a nicked blade. “It’s here?”

"Yes," Aerith says quietly.

“We should turn back,” says Cloud.

“Wait,” says Tifa. “What are you talking about?”

Cloud turns his bright eyes on her. “I saw it. From her.”

"What's going on?" Barret sounds alarmed.

“Nothing we find down there is gonna be worth it,” Cloud says, only to Aerith. “Nothing.”

"We came all this way," Aerith says. "I don't know if we can just leave."

“Well, we can,” says Cloud. “Actually.”

“Wait, stop and explain! What’s going to happen if we go down there?” demands Tifa.

"It doesn't happen like this," Aerith says, shaking her head.

" _What?_ " Barret asks.

“She’ll die,” Cloud snaps, so loudly it echoes over the valley. His hand is still wrapped around Aerith’s wrist. He suddenly drops it. “He--I--”

"This is where Sephiroth kills me," Aerith says quietly.

Tifa’s entire body floods with ice. “What?” she says.

"I didn't want you to find out like this," Aerith says, not meeting Tifa's eyes. "I didn't want you to find out at all."

"What, until it was too late?" Barret demands.

“How can you be sure? What did you see?” Red asks.

“Aerith! Is Sephiroth _here_?” demands Tifa.

"I don't know," Aerith says. "I only know what I've seen. But when I saw it, I was here by myself."

Cloud looks like he’s about to burst. Then he says, “You can’t go down there. That’s all. I’ll go myself, and if Sephiroth is there, I’ll kill him.”

“Cloud…” says Red.

"You're all crazy!" Barret bursts out. "Nobody is going down there!"

“So what are we here for?” Cloud demands. “What are we looking for? Is this a road trip?”

"Not a one of us can handle Sephiroth alone," Barret snaps. "Not even you!"

"He's right," Aerith says. "And me, either."

Tifa says, “So what do any of you want to do?”

"We could go together," Aerith says, looking at Cloud.

Cloud inales. “You don’t want that,” he says. “It’s not better. Is it?”

"I don't know," Aerith says. "It's not like I saw the whole thing. Just me, kneeling. And I felt it. And you were there, Cloud."

Cloud says tightly, “I know that. I--” He looks sick.

"Hey," Aerith says. "It's okay, it's okay."

"Doesn't sound okay," Barret says.

"It is," Aerith says. "Sephiroth isn't your fault, Cloud."

“But--” Cloud says. He shakes his head. “I’m not strong enough. You can’t go without me, and I can’t go with you.”

"So let's leave," Barret says firmly. "Damn! Back into that creepy forest?" He puts his hand on Cloud's arm. "No shame in waiting."

“C’mon,” says Cloud to Aerith. Tifa feels frozen outside of them. “Please.”

Aerith nods and starts back toward the forest. Barret comes up next to Tifa and says quietly, "Did you have any idea?"

Tifa shakes her head. She doesn’t know how to answer. She thought she was getting closer, to both of them. But in reality, this whole time Aerith and Cloud have been afraid of something terrible that she didn’t even know to worry about. Maybe it’s her own fear that’s giving her hurt feelings, but all of this--the revelation, the stopping halfway, the secret and the sick rush of dread of just missing a fatal accident--leach those peaceful, mystic feelings from the woods right out of her. As they step back under the trees, she just feels heavy and alone.

Red falls back to her side. 

“Tifa,” he says very quietly. “Those two have secrets. But we will find them out.”

"You're goddamn right," Barret says. "If we're gonna be a team, we gotta be a team."

Tifa takes a moment, and then nods. “We need a conference,” she says. “Us three. Once we get back to the dig.”

"Deal," Barret says. He and Red stick close to her the rest of the way back.


	17. Cloud

Aerith doesn’t speak the whole way back, so Cloud doesn’t either. He feels uneasy walking next to her. He can’t remember...he didn’t know for sure that the vision was real, until she said. And now he knows it’s real, so now the sick feeling that it’s his fault, somehow--or could have been his fault--has dug in claws and won’t let go. 

_What did you do, Cloud?_

When they get back to camp, Tifa, Barret, and Red disappear into the tent immediately. Aerith hangs back. "I'm going to keep walking for a bit," she says, not looking at Cloud, but in his direction. "Want to come?"

Cloud feels a kind of black, smoky misery twisting around him. He doesn’t want to be alone with Aerith. He doesn’t want to be overconfident, and then make things go wrong.

“I--” he says.

"Cloud," she says, meeting his eyes. "It's okay. What are you afraid of?"

“Me,” he blurts out. “Aren’t you?”

"No," Aerith says without a second's hesitation. "I'm afraid of Sephiroth, and yes, I'm afraid of what he might be able to make you do, but I'm not afraid of you."

“It’s the same thing,” Cloud says. He doesn’t like to argue, but he feels the ugly, bright urge to be in a fight. “What he can make me do--if he can make me do it, that’s because there’s something wrong with me.”

"It's because he's powerful," Aerith says patiently. "And you're connected. And we don't even know that you're the only one he can manipulate."

“He wants,” Cloud says, and then stops. That place, on the dark plain, with the stars overhead...was that even real? “Me,” he says. “To use. Me.”

"Then we have to stop it," Aerith says. "But I can't do it alone and neither can you."

Cloud lets that settle into him. “We could walk to the other end of the camp,” he says. 

"Perfect," Aerith says. She takes Cloud's hand. "The others are angry, I think," she says.

“At...us?” asks Cloud. They start walking, and that feels a little better.

"Yup," Aerith says. "Wouldn't you be? We kept that from them. Even if we weren't sure it was real." She glances sideways at him.

“Oh,” says Cloud. The way her fingers lightly squeeze his makes him feel almost real again. He hasn’t since the dream. He never completely does. “Yeah. But I...don’t know what I’m supposed to tell anyone. I don’t know what’s true. I know I’ve got to find Sephiroth, but everything else is...”

"So tell them that," Aerith says. "They're probably more annoyed at me, anyway. I knew a lot more, and I just didn't say."

Cloud says. “I guess. I’m...I’m scared.”

Aerith squeezes his hand. "I know," she says. "Me too. Really scared."

Cloud looks straight at her. “At least you know you’re something good,” he says. “At least, _I_ know you’re something good.”

"I know you," Aerith says. "Whatever Sephiroth keeps trying to show you, it's not the whole picture. In all of my dreams, you're something good, too." She leans in and kisses his cheek.

Cloud can’t think of anything to say to that. Maybe he’s looking at her funny, although he feels like he can’t control his expression at all. Finally, quickly, he says, “Well if you say it, it must be true, right?” and kisses her cheek too, before he can be too embarrassed to try. It hits him a second later, sure enough.

Aerith laughs, sounding purely relieved, and pulls him into a hug. "My bodyguard," she says. "Thanks for looking out for me. I'll do the same for you."

Cloud’s face feels hot, but it feels so good and strange to be close to somebody that he puts his arms around her and pats gently at her back. “I trust you,” he says.

Aerith squeezes him tightly before letting go. "Ready to go get lectured?"

“Not at all,” Cloud says matter-of-factly. “I’m still walking up to the edge of the camp, and then I’m getting lunch. You with me?”

"I'm with you," Aerith says, turning a brilliant smile on him.

It’s the heat of the day, or that smile, or being too hungry for worrying, but for the next half hour of walking and eating, there’s no voice in Cloud’s head, and no shadow around him.


	18. Barret

Barret is pissed off. And scared, but being scared pisses him off, too. Aerith could have died and they wouldn't have even known it was coming. Who the hell keeps secrets like that? Cloud and Aerith, that's who. Barret had already been feeling a little cut off from what he thinks of as the young people--Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith--but this is worse. Well, at least he's not in this boat alone.

When they get back to the tent, Cloud and Aerith don't join them. Maybe that's just how things are now. Or maybe that's how they've always been, and he was just too stupid to notice.

"So," he says to Tifa, "What the hell?"

“I don’t know,” she says quietly. She hugs her elbows and shivers, even though it’s much hotter than it was when they left before. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

"None of us had any idea, right?" Barret says. "They were just gonna, what, never tell us?"

Tifa sinks down onto the bed she and Cloud had briefly shared last night. “I thought I was getting closer,” she says. “To both of them. I thought they were hurt somehow, and they just needed someone to take care of them.”

“For what it’s worth,” says Red, “no one who has been in Hojo’s hands is simply _hurt_. Or at least, not hurt simply.”

"I understand Aerith having psychic visions," Barret says, "but Cloud?" Worse than being angry is seeing how hurt Tifa is.

Tifa spares a worried look for Red--fair enough--and says, “I don’t know. He’s been…” She swallows. “I didn’t completely tell the truth, when I suggested you could hire him for Avalanche.”

"Wait, what?" Barret says. He does not want more revelations today.

“He had just come to town,” Tifa says. “I think. But it wasn’t like I let you think.”

"Not some ex-SOLDIER off the train and looking for work?" Barret asks, narrowing his eyes.

Tifa gives him a worried look. “I did find him at the station,” she says. 

"And?" Barret demands. So he wasn't in the loop on anything. Great.

Tifa says, “I almost tripped over him. He was--lying there. Huddled up against the wall.” Suddenly she looks like she’s going to cry, which nobody needs. “He was so confused. I just didn’t want him to disappear. He’s the only part of my home I have left.”

The overwhelming desire for Tifa not to cry eclipses Barret's anger. He puts his arm around her. "Hey, hey, easy now." _What the hell did I get myself into?_ he thinks. But he's in it now, and Cloud _isn't_ just some stranger on a train platform.

Red hops up on the bed on her other side. “It hasn’t really gotten better, has it?” he says.

“I keep imagining,” says Tifa. “But no. He gets that look, like he’s walking into a room nobody else can see. And he doesn’t...I don’t think he remembers things right.”

"What does that mean?" Barret asks. "Because we're trusting him to wave a huge sword around near us every damn day!"

“Well, he certainly knows how to use the sword,” says Red.

“It is him, I trust him,” Tifa says. “He’s the person I remember, just...like something awful has happened, between then and now.”

"Oh, that," Barret says. "We can handle that." Cloud acts like someone who's been through some shit. Just like all of them, probably. Definitely like Barret.

“How, though?” says Tifa miserably. “Neither of them will talk about anything. Cloud attacked our neighbor back in Sector 7. He loses his head the first second Sephiroth comes up. And Aerith is always so nice you think you know what’s going on with her, and it turns out she’s been just waiting to die this whole time!”

"She never even said anything to you," Barret says, shaking his head. "That's pretty shitty." He'd have to be blind not to see what's going on with Tifa and Aerith.

“I think,” says Red, flicking his tail off the edge of the bed as it starts to singe the mattress, “that they are both very gentle people. And brave. And afraid.”

"So we gotta tell 'em not to be afraid on their own," Barret says. "Right?" Maybe it would feel good to curse them out, too, but only for a second.

“Or brave on their own,” says Tifa.

“As long as anyone lets them get away with it, they’ll stay like this,” Red suggests.

“So…” starts Tifa.

“I think we must be a little less discreet,” says Red. “It’s all right to care about things from an angle, but some of us--” His ears perk up at his own joke. “--have blind sides.”

"I'll tell 'em off," Barret says. "I volunteer." He can't get the image of Cloud on the ground at the station out of his head. Fuck.

“We’ll tell them off,” says Red decisively. “And we won’t let them out of answering questions anymore.”

"Gotta learn to be assertive," Barret says. He means it as a joke, but for all his yelling and bluster, he's not all that assertive when things get delicate.

“All right,” Tifa says. “Okay. So that’s a plan. Is that the plan? We sit them down like kids and talk to them?”

“I think it will do,” says Red. “But it might be nice to have lunch first.” 

"I'm starving," Barret says. "Tifa, come help me grab food?"

“Oh, sure!” she says. Red hops down off the bed.

"You too," Barret tells Red, "but you don't have to carry." He's still getting used to doing everything one-handed. The gun arm was pretty functional for many of the things a regular arm would be, and he's not taking the adjustment well.

“Between us we’re sure to figure it out,” says Tifa. There we go: more of her usual confidence in her voice. Maybe they _can_ sort all this out.

They go and get food and bring it back to the tent to eat. Again, it's decent, hearty food. Barret approves. "Okay," he says, "I'm feeling a little less hopeless now." He keeps flashing back to that moment when he realized what a close call they might have had, though.

“Food helps,” says Tifa, patting her stomach. “But we can’t talk to Cloud and Aerith without Cloud and Aerith. Where are they?”

“Probably avoiding us,” says Red. 

"Aerith won't avoid for long," Barret says. Cloud could avoid until the end of time and probably will.

“Hmm,” says Tifa. “Well, they’re pretty recognizable. Maybe we can get some locals to point us their way.”

"Gotta bring the plates back, anyway," Barret says.

They do, and some of the workers have seen Cloud and Aerith. The three of them follow their trail up to a smaller tent, where Cloud is talking somberly and Aerith animatedly to the excavation leader. The leader looks up and says, “Oh, there are your friends,” and the two of them look around. Barret searches them for signs of sheepishness or guilt, and finds a few.

"We interrupting?" Barret demands.

Cloud looks flustered. “We, uh, there’s boats,” he says.

“They told me you lost yours!” says the leader cheerily. “We get supplies in from Costa Del Sol every week. Only way off this part of the world, if you don’t want to head up north through weeks of ice and cliffs. Next boat due in tomorrow, they’ll take you when they head back.”

Well, that's a pleasant surprise. That's out by Corel. Barret knows that area like the back of his hand. "Looks like we've got a plan," he says. "And time to kill until then." He looks at the two of them meaningfully.

Cloud turns his back. “We owe you?” he suggests to the dig leader.

“If you want,” she says. “But no one’s charging. It’s not like you’ve cost us a lot. I’m just glad you didn’t all drown. They’ll drive down to the shore in the truck at about 11:00 tomorrow morning. Be ready!”

"Thanks," Aerith says warmly. She turns back to the others, looking sideways at Tifa. "Um, let's go back to the tent!"

Everyone is silent on the way back, except Barret, who is humming determinedly under his breath. When the flaps drop shut behind them all, it’s much too quiet.

“You get lunch?” Cloud asks.

“Cloud,” says Tifa.

"We gotta talk about what happened," Barret says. "And what's been happening." He doesn't want to start off spoiling for a fight, but the way he comes off, people usually assume he wants that anyway.

Cloud’s spooky eyes meet his like a challenge, and then drop away. 

“I don’t have answers,” he says. 

"I guess I have some," Aerith says. "I've always had dreams about the future. Or a future. More lately."

“You’ve always dreamed about dying?” Tifa says. “Aerith, that’s awful.”

"I just thought it was inevitable," Aerith says quietly. "I'd accepted it. But then I actually met all of you and everything changed."

“ _Oh,”_ says Tifa. “Changed how?”

Aerith shakes her head. "I dreamed about walking through that forest alone. Being in the petrified ocean alone. Dying there. I never saw you in my dreams. Something's different."

“I wonder if you will have new dreams, or if the dreams will end,” says Red. 

"I don't know," Aerith says, smiling at him. "I kind of hope they do. I'm enjoying being surprised." She looks at Tifa. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I didn't want to be the weird girl who knows she's going to die."

Tifa, instead of keeping her stern face on, says, “Aerith!” and runs straight at her in a bear hug so tight that Barret can see her muscles work. “You’re not,” says Tifa. “You’re not going to.”

"No," Aerith says, sounding stunned. "No, I don't think I necessarily am anymore." She clings to Tifa, and Barret can see her nails digging into Tifa's back.

"You're gonna be okay, kid," Barret says. She better be. She's great, and Tifa thinks she's great.

“But you have to tell us things,” Tifa says. “From now on, okay? You’re not alone now, and we need to understand. Otherwise we can’t help each other.”

"I know," Aerith says. "I'm sorry. It was just never the right time." She tucks her chin and buries her face in Tifa's shoulder.

Tifa leans into her neck and Barret thinks that maybe she sneaks a kiss in there. He isn’t sure. He’s not gonna call it out. 

"And, what, Cloud gets off the hook because he doesn't know anything about anything?" Barret asks after a minute.

“No,” says Cloud, and he sounds exactly like a kid in trouble with his teacher.

"If you'd said something, we could have helped," Barret says. "If you'd said _anything_ about _anything._ "

“I didn’t know you,” Cloud says. “And I don’t know what to say.”

"Say you don't remember shit," Barret says, but gently.

Cloud is looking at him, but not straight at him. Barret can read that look. He’s terrified. 

“I do remember,” Cloud says deliberately. “I...remember…”

“No, listen. When I found you at the Sector Seven station--how did you get there?” Tifa asks, slipping a little away from Aerith, but not letting go. “How did you make first class SOLDIER? Why did you leave Shinra?”

Cloud shakes his head, but his expression is frozen. 

"You don't know," Barret says slowly. Shit. Poor kid.

“I wanted to…” says Cloud. “I--they didn’t need people like that anymore when--”

“Cloud,” says Tifa. “When Sephiroth came to Niebelheim...were you a first class SOLDIER then?”

“I _was_ ,” says Cloud. “I was. I was friends with Sephiroth.”

Tifa shakes her head slowly. “But you weren’t any of those things,” she says.

"What?" Aerith sounds shocked.

"So what the hell was he?" Barret demands. He doesn't like how lost Cloud looks. He's supposed to know what's going on, even if he's an asshole about it.

“You weren’t there at all,” says Tifa. “Sephiroth and a first-class SOLDIER were there, and a couple of foot-soldiers.”

“No,” says Cloud. “No, I killed him.”

"What?" Barret says. "I'm gonna need a lot more information than that!"

“You’re wrong,” says Cloud. “I was a SOLDIER. First class. I was.”

“But they don’t need that anymore,” Tifa says gently. “Like you said. So where have you been for the last few years?”

"Try to remember," Aerith says, just barely moving away from Tifa. "Cloud, this is important. The truth is scary, but it matters."

Cloud glances between them like he’s trapped here. Like he’s afraid of them.

“Why?” he says. “What do you mean? What do you think I am?”

"I think you're Cloud," Aerith says.

Barret bites down on a comment about how concerning it is that Cloud, who goes around with Sephiroth in his head, doesn't even know his own history.

“But what is that?” Cloud says. “He said I’m a leech. He said I’m nothing.” He’s backing away from them, and then his hand shoots to his head, and he doubles over.

"Cloud!" Barret shouts. He's seen Cloud do this before, of course, but that doesn't make it any less upsetting. He kneels by Cloud, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, easy," he says.

“I don’t remember,” says Cloud. His eyes are tight shut. Tifa drops to the floor on his other side. Her fingertips brush Barret’s as she puts an arm around Cloud’s shoulders.

“The SOLDIER who came to Nibelheim,” says Tifa even more gently. “His name was Zack. He disappeared after the fire. Do you know him?”

Barret rubs Cloud's shoulder hard with his thumb. "Try and think." He's missing a lot of pieces he's going to have to make Tifa fill in later. He hadn't heard anything about a fire in Nibelheim.

“No,” says Cloud. “No, please.”

"Zack," Aerith says. "Zack Fair? Zack, my boyfriend? Who you said you didn't know?"

Cloud stares up at Aerith, his face completely white. 

"Do you know what happened to him?" Aerith breathes.

Cloud shakes his head, just a little bit, but Barret doesn’t think it’s a no. Not with the way a tear snakes down his cheek a second later. 

“Cloud?” says Red, with an anxious whine in his voice.

"What happened?" Aerith says, not unkindly.

Cloud doesn’t answer with words. And it surprises Barret at first, right? Because Cloud has always got an answer. And Cloud won’t fall apart for anybody, even if he’s losing his mind half the time. But he doesn’t have an answer this time, and he does fall apart, right there under Barret’s hand.

"Hey," Barret says, "hey, hey." It's not helpful, but it's not like Cloud is listening, anyway. He puts his arm around Cloud's shoulders and holds on. "Got you, Cloud."

And he does. Tifa does. Maybe the others do. But it’s hard not to feel helpless, when nothing helps.


	19. Aerith

Aerith wants to pepper Cloud with questions, but he's not holding it together as it is, and hounding him won't help. She knew it. She knew he acted funny when she asked if he knew Zack. But what does that mean? Could he have--? She can't even finish the thought. But for the first time since meeting Cloud, she feels like she doesn't know him.

"I have more questions," she tells Tifa. "Whenever he's ready.”

“He’s not,” Tifa says shortly. Aerith understands. Cloud isn’t looking at them. Cloud isn’t talking to them. Barret is sitting next to him on the far bed, both their backs to the other three for the last twenty minutes. If Aerith was Cloud’s childhood friend, she’d be upset like Tifa. Instead she’s upset like herself.

"What if he knows what happened to Zack?" she says. "Tifa, why didn't you say something sooner? You knew he was lying!"

“That’s not it at _all_ ,” says Tifa. “And I didn’t even know you knew this Zack.”

Aerith takes a deep, shaky breath. "Sorry," she says. "Today has just been--overwhelming. I don't know what to think." She went from feeling like she and Cloud were the only two people in the world to feeling--this. What happened to Zack? Did Cloud happen to him?

“Maybe none of us does,” says Red. “But we can extend some grace, can’t we? Something’s very wrong. And we all know Cloud.”

“I know _my_ Cloud,” says Tifa unevenly. 

“Don’t do that,” says Red.

"I wish we could do something," Aerith says. She doesn't like waiting, especially when waiting doesn't seem to be helping.

Red flicks an ear. “He isn’t crying,” he says uncomfortably. “Perhaps we should move in.”

Aerith nods. She thinks she can do that and not shake him, demanding answers. It's all so disconcerting because she never saw it coming. She's used to seeing things coming.

She walks over to Cloud and Barret cautiously. "Hey Cloud," she says. "Sorry for crowding you, before." Barret shoots her a glare over his shoulder. Cloud barely reacts, but he does look at her, when she comes around the other side. He looks…

Tifa touches Aerith’s elbow and says, very gently, “Cloud, do you know what happened to you?”

He says, ghostly, “I think so.”

Barret's arm is around Cloud's waist now, protective. "Want to tell us about it?"

“The fire,” says Cloud. “Tifa.”

“Five years ago, Sephiroth came to inspect the reactor outside of our hometown of Niebelheim,” says Tifa softly. “Him, and that SOLDIER first class, and some foot soldiers. Cloud wasn’t there. I waited for him. I thought he’d come back. But he didn’t.”

“I did,” says Cloud almost inaudibly. “I didn’t want to show my face. Because...I failed.”

Aerith watches Tifa absorb that like a new, deep pain, and she can see that Tifa will chase it down later and not be so calm. For now, Tifa says, “So you really remember being there.”

“I was there,” whispers Cloud.

Tifa takes a deep breath. “All right--so, I was _excited_ to meet Sephiroth. Stupid me. But Sephiroth found something that he didn’t like in the reactor. Something that changed him. So he burned down the town. He killed most of us. He killed my father.”

Aerith draws a sharp breath. "I didn't know," she says. "I'm so sorry."

"But you two survived," Barret prompts.

“I survived,” says Tifa. “The SOLDIER...and Sephiroth...and I guess Cloud, too...all disappeared.”

"Do you know what happened to the SOLDIER, Cloud?" Aerith asks, forcing her voice to be soft, even though her heart is racing. "Do you know what happened to Zack?"

Cloud says woodenly, “Shinra. Took us.” 

“But you were Shinra’s already?” says Red, frowning. “I’m sorry. We don’t understand.”

“Like you,” says Cloud. He points to Red and Aerith. “Like you two.”

Aerith's whole body goes cold. "To a lab," she says through numb lips. "Oh, Cloud."

Cloud hunches forward with his elbows on his knees and his fists against his eyes. 

“They wouldn’t stop,” he says. “Went on a long time. We ran away.”

Aerith's racing heart feels like it's slowed to a crawl. Horror pours into her. Zack. That's what happened to Zack. "Oh no," she says.

“We got close, but he,” says Cloud. “I--we could see the city. But they hunted us.”

"Oh," Aerith says, and then she's crying, not just for Zack, but for her own near miss today, and for Cloud, and for Tifa. Shinra and Sephiroth take everything.

"And that flipped some kind of switch for you," Barret says quietly. "That right?"

“It’s my fault,” Cloud says, his hands shaking. “I’m sorry. I loved him. I’m nothing.”

"Don't," Aerith says. "Oh, don't." She kneels by Cloud and grabs his hands, still crying. "I'm so glad one of you made it."

Cloud stares back at her with those bright eyes--those eyes they _did_ to him--and he’s crying too, but he looks so terrified and ashamed it’s like he’s a completely different person than the one she knows. And he is, a little. And that’s scary too.

Aerith wraps her arms around him, forehead to forehead. "We love you," she says. "We're so glad you're you." Whoever that is. She's willing to find out.

“Five years?” Tifa says in a small voice. 

“Shh,” says Red. “Not now.”

Aerieth hangs on while she and Cloud both cry. Whoever he is, he's Cloud, and he's here. "Love you," she says again.

They finally all unstick from one another, in that awkward way that Aerith almost likes because it’s such a _person_ thing to do. They all look at each other like no one is sure how to take a step forward.

Red says, “I think we should take a walk. Just a walk. Stretch our legs.”

"You're a goddamn genius," Barret says with palpable relief.

Aerith glances at Tifa and offers her hand. "Let's go?" she says.

Tifa takes Aerith’s hand and then sticks her other out for Cloud. 

“Now we know what we’re working with,” she says. “It’s going to be all right. I promise.” He breathes in, then takes her hand.

Aerith feels hope surge in her chest. She has that feeling again, of having no map for what comes next, and the terror and wonder that's attached. Tifa's hand in hers grounds her, and she pulls both of them out into the sunlight.


	20. Tifa

Tifa does her very best, like she thinks they’re all doing their very best, to really and truly not think about anything terrible while they go on their walk. It’s hard. No matter how brightly Aerith smiles, Tifa can still glimpse the dried tears on her cheeks. Cloud is looking around at all of them like he’s a thousand miles away, quiet, smiling when he’s supposed to, but he looks hollowed out, and now Tifa knows that in some ways he is. The really big relief is that Red and Barret are being themselves whole-hog, all good-natured and chatty, so much so that it’s kind of dragging the other three up in their wake, no matter how they feel. 

But Tifa doesn’t feel right anyway. She feels like somebody else is delivering lines for her. Her brain is bouncing back and forth between so many awful things. The lab where they found Aerith and Red. The creatures, angry and violent and warped into existence. The chairs, with straps. That monster, Hojo. Five whole years, and she didn’t know where he was. Cloud saying, _I loved him_ like there was a whole life in that place. The fact that there was something he loved in there makes it almost worse, because it means he could feel it.

And then on the other side, she feels like something about her and Aerith has slipped. It felt good, and now Tifa is worried sick. She doesn’t want to be left behind. She always gets left behind.

Aerith keeps glancing sideways at Tifa, as if she can sense that something's wrong. She falls back to her side, and says quietly, "Can I do anything?"

“For me?” says Tifa. “Oh, no, of course not!” She blinks up at the sunlight that’s breaking through the leafy canopy in patches. It’s so warm. 

"It isn't 'of course not.' You matter," Aerith says. "You're not just here to fix our problems."

“Well, that’s good,” Tifa says quietly. “Because how would I start?”

"Ouch," Aerith says, smiling faintly. "But we all did a pretty good job today. Nobody died. We understand Cloud a little more. Right?"

“When we said we shouldn’t let you two keep it all inside, this isn’t what I was thinking,” says Tifa. 

"Do you wish you hadn't said anything?"

“I...don’t think so,” says Tifa. “I just wish it wasn’t true.”

"I like for things to make sense," Aerith says. "I don't like to think of that happening to Cloud or Zack, but not knowing was worse. For me, anyway. And probably for Cloud. We can't see it now, but I think it'll be a good thing that he remembered."

“You’re probably right,” Tifa says. “I’m just tired. Sometimes I feel like every nice thing has some awful hurt behind it.” Including herself, just like Aerith said.

"Yeah," Aerith says. "It's--I guess everyone here already seemed like they'd been hurt. We just have more context now."

Tifa laughs. “Well, I don’t like that,” she says.

"Are you okay?" Aerith asks, not to be deterred.

“Oh,” says Tifa. “I don’t like to remember the fire. And it’s _weird_ that he was there and never told me. And then I guess...I’ve lost everything twice. That’s hard, too.”

"It's really hard," Aerith says quietly. "I'm so sorry, Tifa."

“Thanks,” says Tifa, and she really means it.

"I hate seeing you hurt, too," Aerith says. "You were really brave back there."

“I had to know. Is that selfish?” Tifa asks.

"No," Aerith says. "I think it'll be the right thing for him, in the long run. Not knowing yourself sounds terrible."

Tifa says, “Yeah. You’re right. It sounds awful.”

"I guess that explains the headaches," Aerith says. "And those sort of...blank spaces. I can't believe how long he was in that lab."

Tifa feels ill. “I’m not--I’m not going to be good enough for this,” she says suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Aerith asks, surprised. "Good enough for what?"

“I know how I feel about the Cloud you met,” Tifa says. “I don’t know how I feel about the one I knew as a kid. Or this one. Or the one who lied to me about coming home.” She glances ahead, afraid he’ll hear her, and turn around.

Aerith nods, taking it in stride. "You don't know him yet. Neither do we. But we'll get to know him." She smiles. "It's hard to imagine hating any Cloud."

Tifa nods miserably.

"It's okay to be scared, or upset, or not sure," Aerith says. "It's so fucking much." Tifa has hardly ever heard Aerith swear, and it startles her.

She says, “You know what? It really...fucking is.” A laugh works its way out of her throat. There are so many things to cry about.

"Let's just let that be that for now," Aerith says. "It's hard and it sucks." She smiles brilliantly at Tifa, just like she used to before everything got complicated.

“Thanks,” says Tifa. Her eyes flood. “That...helps, actually.”

Aerith puts her arm around Tifa's waist, snug and tight. "There we go. Let it suck."

Tifa feels the warmth of Aerith’s body rush into her own. _I want to kiss you_ , she thinks. Not that she hasn’t felt it. But she thinks it.

"You're the softest girl," Aerith says, leaning against Tifa's side.

“Coming from you?” Tifa says. “Incredible.” She stops walking and puts a hand on Aerith’s back, to stop her as well. The others are walking ahead, not noticing.

“I’m so glad we met,” says Tifa to Aerith. “You have no idea.” And it’s true. The gratefulness floods through her. The happiness at every part of Aerith, her voice and her face and the pressure of her hands. It’s the best thing that’s happened to Tifa in so long. Before she can talk herself out of it, Tifa tucks Aerith’s hair aside and leans in and kisses her.

Aerith breathes in sharply, like somehow, after all this, she really didn't see it coming. She closes her eyes and sinks into the kiss, her hands coming up to grip Tifa's waist. When she pulls away, she doesn't pull away far.

Tifa feels something bubbling up inside her. She says, “I wanted to do that since Don Corneo’s mansion.”

"Was it the sexy dress?" Aerith asks. Her cheeks are flushed pink, and her eyes are bright.

“The everything,” says Tifa. “And the everything gets better all the time.”

"You're such an incredible surprise," Aerith says. "I saw so many things, but I never saw this."

“Oh,” says Tifa. “That’s--all right? A good thing?”

"Better than anything," Aerith says.

Tifa smiles. “Thank goodness,” she says. 

"There," Aerith says. "Back on the same page, a little?" So she felt it, too.

“Sorry,” says Tifa. “I’m sorry. I just got scared.”

"That's okay," Aerith says. "Me too. Scary day." She loops her fingers through Tifa's. "But look how far we got." She looks around them. "Well, metaphorically speaking."

Tifa says, “Well, the boat’s not until tomorrow anyway.” She lets her fingers hug Aerith’s.  
She looks up ahead. They haven’t lost the others yet, luckily. They have stopped ahead and are turning to look for Tifa and Aerith. 

“I feel like this secret isn’t going to last long,” Tifa says. “Maybe a couple more seconds. I hope that’s okay.”

Aerith grins at her. "Oh, it's definitely okay." She leans over and kisses Tifa on the cheek.

Tifa says, “Let’s catch up.”

When they do, the others are still waiting, Barret with hand on hip. "Trying to lose us?" he demands. "If you wanted some privacy, you should have said so!"

“Oh, no,” says Tifa. “It just--felt like the right moment.”

"I'm teasing," Barret says. He smiles at her.

Tifa opens her mouth to tease back, but Cloud makes it hard. He’s not doing anything wrong. He just doesn’t seem like he’s here at all.

"How's everyone doing now?" Aerith asks brightly. She somehow makes it not sound too pointed.

“We can go back,” says Cloud. “Rest up. Before the boat.” It’s really too early for that, Tifa thinks. But what is she going to do? Make them all walk until Cloud walks it off?

“Sure,” she says. “We can go back.”

They can’t, though, can they? That’s the whole thing.

"Snap out of it," Barret tells Cloud, peering at him. His hand hovers by Cloud's back.

Cloud jerks away. “You don’t know me,” he says, and starts walking back towards the camp, right past all of them.

"Saw that coming," Barret says, but under his breath.

"It's overwhelming," Aerith says. "Of course it is. What should we do?" This last part is to Tifa.

“I don’t know,” she says. She feels...inadequate. She feels awkward, and ashamed, because her awkwardness is the smallest thing in all of this, and she’s the one who wanted him to stay with her in Midgar. She’s the one who wanted to know.

“I would go,” Red says. “But you’re the one thing he remembered. Aren’t you?”

"Yes," Tifa says wretchedly. "I'll go." She slips away from Aerith and follows Cloud. She has to force her legs to move fast enough to catch up with him. There's nothing she can think to say that won't make it worse, and here she is running after him anyway. When she gets close enough, she says his name.

Cloud looks back at her. He looks like another boat is sinking underneath him.

"We'll go together," Tifa says, mustering up every ounce of bravery she has. She started this rockslide. It's up to her to see it through.

Cloud nods, and waits wordlessly for her to catch up.

“You’re going to try to talk, aren’t you?” he says when she reaches him.

"Yes," Tifa says. "Sorry, but I have to. This is my fault."

“Can we stop walking, then?” says Cloud. “Sit down or something. Not with them.” He tilts his head back in the direction of Aerith and Barret and Red.

"Yeah, come on," Tifa says. She leads him off the trail, over to a fallen log. She's not even afraid of losing the path now. The woods feel ordinary compared to everything else.

Cloud follows her and sits down, out of touching distance, but not that far. He isn’t looking at her.

"I'm sorry," Tifa says quietly. "For stirring all of that up. But I'm not sorry you remembered."

“You don’t know what I remember,” Cloud says. “You don’t know what…”

"So tell me," Tifa says. She steels herself to go forward. "Enough of us talking at you. You talk."

“What do you _want?_ ” Cloud says. 

"I want to know your story," Tifa says. "The parts I missed or got wrong." That's most of it, she thinks.

He looks at her and it really is someone new, someone different from all the other Clouds she’s met and cared about. “I--”

"Hey," Tifa says. She doesn't reach out and touch him, even though she wants to. "I'm here. It's okay."

Cloud shakes his head. “I--,” he says again. “Everything’s wrong.”

What if she's somehow ruined him beyond repair? She steadies herself again. It's just Cloud. She knows Cloud. "What's wrong?" she asks.

He really meets her eyes this time, and she sees too clearly back into his. “He’s dead,” Cloud says. “I stole his life, and he’s--because of me, and I’m not even--”

"Who was he?" Tifa asks quietly.

“Real SOLDIER,” says Cloud hoarsely. “Good guy, Shinra or not. Real hero. My friend.”

"I'm sorry," Tifa says. "Tell me about it?" Whatever she was imagining she'd missed in Cloud's history, it wasn't this.

“You met him,” Cloud says. “I remember. They took your--They took your picture. He was like you saw.”

"Cloud... " She has to dash away tears.

“There wasn’t anybody else in that place,” Cloud says. “Not for us. Nobody lasted. I think they thought we’d go nuts if there wasn’t one person to talk to, because I--they let us. Be close.”

Tifa shivers and wraps her arms around herself. "Were you--What was he to you?"

Cloud says, “Well, there wasn’t anything else. So...everything.” He ducks his head. “All of that. What you’re thinking.”

Tifa feels numb and cold. "I'm so sorry," she says. "You lost all that and I didn't even know. _You_ didn't even know." That part's much worse. Maybe making him remember was nothing but cruel.

“Sorry,” Cloud says. “Sorry, I’m trying to--but I just--” He chokes on a miserable sound. “I forgot him. I stole his life. I left him outside Midgar like…”

"You were a mess," Tifa says, trying to show she means it kindly. "Nobody would have had their head on straight after all that."

“I didn’t help,” says Cloud. “I left him there.”

"Oh," Tifa says, horrified. "Oh, Cloud. Cloud, it isn't your fault."

“Even if it’s not my fault,” says Cloud. “Even if it’s not...I don’t know what to do. I’m not a SOLDIER. I’m not a hero. I’m a _thing_ they made. And--when I met you again, I knew you were important. But I remember, it only went one way, didn’t it? I’m not even someone you liked very much.” His hands have been touching, but she sees them clench. “There’s nothing real about me,” he says.

"Stop it!" Tifa says. Her chest aches. "Oh, Cloud, no. Even if you didn't know who you were before, you know now. And you get to decide. The Cloud you're going to be, that's the Cloud I love."

Cloud looks down at his clenched hands and says, quietly, “It...hurts.”

Tifa moves down the log until she's close enough to touch him, but she doesn't. "Yeah," she says. "Grief is awful. Trauma is awful. I'm sorry."

“I feel like a monster,” Cloud says. “Is that--am I honest enough now?” His voice tilts up precariously at the end.

"Yes," Tifa says. "Honest, yes. A monster, no." She puts her hand on his.

He snatches it, not roughly, just grabs and holds on. And then, slowly, he tilts toward her until his face is buried against her shoulder. He doesn’t make a sound, but she feels him cry.

Tifa cries, too, holding onto him as tightly as she can. "Cloud," she says. "Cloud, Cloud, it's okay."

She holds him until he stops, and a little longer after that, when she thinks they both feel too weak to let go of each other and go back to where other people are. But they do have to go back sometime, right?

Eventually, Cloud sits up, wincing at the crick in his back. “Embarrassing,” he says. “Being a person.”

"Oh, for sure," Tifa says, smiling. She feels wrung out, like a damp cloth. "But you're pretty good at it."

Cloud tries to look gruff and serious, but she catches that moment where she’s surprised him. It’s a good moment, because she can tell it won’t be the only one. Her kiss with Aerith would make it so easy to ask if he--

But probably not. Probably not her, and not anybody now. Not for awhile. And that’s hardly the most important thing, she just has to reset her expectations. 

“Come on,” says Cloud. “We should...go back.”

Tifa shands up, taking Cloud's hand and holding on. "Lead the way," she says.


	21. Cloud

Cloud sleeps with Red’s hot, soft back against his, and he dreams the truth for hours, but he doesn’t wake up. Maybe that’s a normal reaction to this kind of thing--wears you out. If this can be called a _kind of thing._ Cloud thinks maybe it’s not, but he wishes it was. That there was someone he could turn to, and they’d get all of it, without trying to cheer him up or make him say normal things in a normal way.

He doesn’t let anyone corner him before they pack up and get in the truck in the morning, and he’s friendly enough to the driver that he scores a seat up front where the others can’t talk to him. 

Clean air--it tasted different, leaving Midgar, but he thought that was from being in the city a little while. Knowing the truth makes it weirder somehow. Like his memory for smells disappeared with everything else, but it’s waking up now. Behind the clean air and the salt, he can smell the lab. Stale. Medicinal. Sterilized, but stinking with fear and stone.

It’s funny, isn’t it? He didn’t know what those ghosts were, and he thought that was terrible. Now he knows everything, and it’s much worse. They’re not ghosts anymore. They’re five steps away. Still real. Still possible. A couple weeks behind him. The only part that feels like a dream, now, is Zack being dead.

When they get to the docks and onto the boat--much bigger and safer than the one they had--Cloud can't hide anymore. Barret catches him by the arm as they're pulling out into the open ocean.

"Hell of a week," he says.

Cloud doesn’t react by trying to kill him, but it’s hard. He freezes, instead, and says, “Yeah. I guess.” There’s time since yesterday where Tifa could have told them things about him. He didn’t ask her not to.

"How're you holding up?" Barret asks. Hard to read.

“Fine,” says Cloud. 

Barret rolls his eyes. "So this _is_ your personality," he says. "Been wondering that."

Cloud tugs at his caught arm. “Maybe,” he says. 

Barret lets go and looks at him. "Well," he says. "I can see you don't want to talk, but if you change your mind, I…" He shrugs at Cloud.

Cloud doesn’t want to talk. He’s afraid of it, actually. But he almost wishes Barret’s hand would come back. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Thanks. You’re--that’s nice of you.”

"Don't take this the wrong way, but it's kinda nice, knowing you've been through some shit, too," Barret says. "Makes me feel like we _could_ talk."

“Oh yeah?” Cloud says. “You’ve been…” He doesn’t mean to look at Barret’s amputated arm, so as soon as he does, he looks down. They’re close to a railing, so he leans on it. Looks down over the water.

Barret turns and does the same. It's easier when he's not looking at Cloud, trying to talk about Cloud. "Yeah," he says. "The arm. Least bad in a series of bad things."

“Right,” says Cloud. “So I should probably snap out of it, like you said. Right?” He can tell when he says it that Barret’s going to take that like a slap in the face.

"That ain't what I meant," Barret snaps. "I'm saying you're not a lonely freak. You're on freak island, here."

“Sorry,” Cloud says. “Didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry about what happened to you.”

"Not looking for sympathy," Barret says. "Just, you're not in this alone." He puts his hand back on Cloud's shoulder, heavy and solid.

Cloud shuts his eyes and lets it rest there for a minute. He tries to let his head empty out, to listen to the water and smell the wind. He can’t do it. 

He says, “I don’t like drama.”

"Me neither," says Barret, in the face of all the evidence. "I'm not saying talk about your shit. Or even my shit. Just...talk at all."

“I don’t know how,” Cloud says. “I don’t know who’s talking. I don’t...think I like any of them.”

Barret nods like he hears this stuff every day. "Yeah," he says. "Makes sense. It's gonna take some time to settle in with yourself. But at least now you got all the pieces to do it."

“Yeah, I can do it all with a loser or a lab rat or a fake,” Cloud says wryly. “You think maybe...I should go away at Costa del Sol?”

"No," Barret says sharply. "You kidding? You think Tifa wants that? Or Aerith? And you and Red are already best friends."

Cloud half smiles. “So you’ll be all right, huh? No, I...Red’s all right, but Tifa...she’s been looking after the weird kid from her hometown long enough, maybe. And Aerith…” But his whole head shuts down at that point. _Zack Fair? My boyfriend?_ It’s the edge of a cliff, and it’s dark at the bottom. 

"You are _damn_ well not gonna leave me like this," Barret says. "Not after--no way."

“After what?” says Cloud. 

"It's a long story and this ain't the time," Barret says furiously. "Point is, you're not going."

Cloud looks up at his face. “Sorry,” he says again. He wants to say a couple more things, but Barret’s expression stops him.

"We need you," Barret says. "Whoever you are. And we like you, too. So don't go trying to run off."

Cloud leans into his fists, stacked on the rail. “Who do you...think I am?” he says. It’s a stupid question. He just can’t turn anywhere inside his own head without it hurting. Just a howling place full of bad memories, and failures, and grief that wants to eat him alive.

Barret shakes his head. "Look," he says. "Maybe your memories were fake, but I don't think you were. I think you're that asshole. And I think you're the sweet kid Tifa remembers. That's how people are, no matter what's happened to 'em. They're always a mix of things."

Cloud feels himself crack, a little. 

“Barret,” he says. He doesn’t know what he means, or how to say anything else.

"And you don't need to figure it out today," Barret says. "Or tomorrow. Just stick around." He shifts to put his arm around Clould's shoulders. It keeps ending up there.

“Right,” says Cloud quietly. “Gotta stop crying, though, right? It’s not good for anything.”

"You all cry too much for my comfort," Barret says, but his arm tightens around Cloud.

Cloud doesn’t laugh or answer or anything else. He leans in, though. Barret’s body is warm against his. Big breaths, big lungs. Barret doesn’t like crying, Cloud won’t show him any. But maybe he can stay like this for a minute.

Barret doesn't move, just stays holding Cloud against his side. He doesn't seem uncomfortable or in a hurry to move on, and he doesn't ask any more questions. He just holds on. 

That’s a good reason not to run for it.


	22. Red

If nothing else, Red can say that the sea breeze in his fur makes him deliriously happy. The feeling that comes from the sharp, bright air is like a little spark in his brain, kicked up into a happy blaze by every twist in the direction of the wind. The humans find themselves their own places on the boat, which Red suspects, from the sailors’ talk, isn’t huge. But it is much larger than the one they sank. 

Red allows himself a bit of a romp across the decks, surprises the crew with a polite good morning, gives himself a scratch, and _then_ lets himself consider the business of it all. He could feel Cloud’s small movements in his sleep. He can see that Aerith and Tifa’s cheery kindness is hiding less comfortable things. Barret, Red is not worried about at all. Barret can manage his tragedies.

Also, Barret corners Cloud as soon as the ship shoves off. Red hates to crowd anyone, so he goes to find the girls. He spies them standing together at the far end of the ship, but as Red approaches, Aerith shoves off from the rail with uncharacteristic roughness and walks away. Tifa watches her with a hurt expression. And then she sees Red.

“Oh,” she says. “You surprised me.”

Red pads to a stop and sits down in front of her. "Should I come back later?" he asks. Politely. Not crowding.

“Oh, now is fine,” she says, smiling unconvincingly. “I don’t really want to be alone. The last time we were on a boat wasn’t so great. And it’s been...a rough couple of days.”

"Yes," Red says, although it hasn't been so bad for him. Every day is better where he is not trapped in a cage. "How are you doing?"

She eyes him, and then slides down to sit next to him on the deck. It’s nice of her, really. It means he’s not the only one who can’t see over the rail.

“I don’t know if I should say,” Tifa says apologetically. “It’s not the nicest answer.”

"I won't repeat it to anyone," Red says. His tail skids to and fro across the deck. He's very good at keeping secrets.

“Not even Cloud?” she asks. Even more apologetic. She tugs at her gloves and seems to sink back in her hair a little.

"Not even," Red agrees. He likes Cloud. Cloud feels--right, to him. And he would defend Cloud to the death. That doesn't make Red a gossip.

“Oh,” Tifa says, and tucks up her knees, hugging them close. “Well, I’ll tell you, then. When I think about Cloud right now, I feel a little sick.”

"Because you worry about him?" Red says, but he does not think it’s that. She wouldn’t look like this, if that were all.

“No,” she says. She doesn’t say anything else at first. Red is patient. It’s all right to let Tifa decide more than once if she wants to voice her thoughts. But at last she shakes her head. “I am worried, but...that’s not the part that feels sick. I think I’m scared of who he might be. And I think I’m...mad at him.”

Red doesn't like that. He knows who Cloud is. He knows his smell. His kind hands. Cloud is not a bad thing. "Why?" he says, keeping his voice neutral.

“He’s always talked such a big game,” she says. “Even when we were kids. He always wanted to be the strongest. He was always trying to take care of everybody, even if you didn’t want him to.”

"Is that not what he does now?" Red asks. "He took care when we were escaping Midgar."

“I’m not mad about that!” says Tifa. 

Red waits patiently, nothing moving except the flame at the end of his tail. "So then?" he prompts.

“I’m mad because he keeps pretending to be those things when he’s _not_!” she says in a rush. “He’s always acting so tough and underneath it everything’s falling apart.”

Red disagrees. Cloud is _not_ weak. "He survived a hell in that lab," he offers. "Nothing weak could have done that."

“When Sephiroth and Zack came to Nibelheim,” she says, “why didn’t he take his helmet off? Why didn’t he tell me he was there? Just because he didn’t make it in SOLDIER? What if that… _changed_ everything? What if it’s the reason our families are--” She cuts herself off there, looking horrified and pale. “He hid himself away because he was embarrassed, but that didn’t help anything. We lost everything. And now it’s happening again. He’s been pretending to be somebody else because things got tough. What if it _all_ happens twice? I can’t shake the feeling of it all being connected.”

"Not very charitable toward your friend who you know and love," Red says. He doesn't know if it seems simpler to him because he's a different species, or just because he's himself, but he can't imagine being upset with Cloud for being frightened and in pain.

“I know that,” Tifa says. Tears spring to her eyes. “I’m just...I’m tired of big, terrible things. And--I’m really glad I found him. I’m really glad he’s okay. But we’ve spent our whole lives not being the right things for one another, and I thought it was better now, and it’s not. It’s another lie, where everything is worse than I thought. I feel like a kid again.” 

She doesn’t have to say that it’s a bad feeling. Red understands that. He always feels like a kid. 

"I think," he says, "that Cloud is feeling big and terrible things as well. Maybe it would be better to feel them together."

“It’s embarrassing,” Tifa says, blinking tears onto her cheeks. “That’s the other thing. You know? To be really needed. It makes me want to run away. I never want to run away, not for years. And now I feel just like I did after the fire.”

Red gets up and pads closer, offering his side for comfort if Tifa wants it. "You think he's weak?" Red asks. "Or you're afraid you are?"

“Oh!” Tifa says. She rubs her face and sniffs. “Maybe I’m just scared that we make things worse for each other.”

"But you're stronger together," Red suggests. "None of us would be here if not for the others. I would certainly not be here without either of you."

“You’re right about that,” says Tifa. “And I know--I’ve worked really hard, you know. Since that day. I’ve worked really hard to be a fearless person, so other people didn’t have to be. Cloud promised to be that person for me, when we were kids. I know it’s unfair to be angry because he’s not.” She tightens her hands against each other. “People keep dying. Every time I think something is safe.”

"Most people, I think, wouldn't understand that in themselves," Red says. He's glad Tifa does. It makes her into something that won't hurt Cloud.

“Well, I didn’t before you came over,” she says, wiping at her eyes. “I was just cranky. I could tell even after I promised it was okay that I was going to be a jerk.”

"But you weren't cruel," Red says. "You said it to me and you saw your own feelings." He inclines his head toward her, nudging her shoulder with his nose.

“Yeah,” she says, smiling tearfully. “That’s good, huh?” Then her expression drops and she says, “Oh no--Aerith.”

"Yes, what happened?" Red asks. Aerith, he thinks, is also not as okay as she likes to pretend.

“I told her something I shouldn’t have,” says Tifa. Her tears have very quickly dried up. “About Cloud and Zack.”

Zack. Once Aerith’s, now dead. "I see," Red says.

“I just wanted to talk to someone,” Tifa says. “Stupid!”

Red bobs his head. She is clearly worried, and he's worried, too. But not very. This will be someone else's to sort out. "She knows now, whatever it was," he says. "Better not to have secrets, probably."

“I’m not sure it was a secret,” says Tifa. “Just--private. And I wasn’t thinking about Aerith’s feelings.”

"Everyone has had a very difficult time," Red says. "Most of us are still in the middle of it. We can just be kind to each other from here onward."

Tifa still looks troubled, but she smiles. She says, “Well, I still feel bad about pretty much everything--but I’m really, really glad I met you.”

It's unexpected, and it makes Red feel things. "Ah," he says. "I'm lucky you were the ones to find me."

Tifa puts a hand on his head, catching her fingers in his fur. “We’re all pretty lucky,” she says. “And what you said about the lab--I can’t imagine, but, I know you’re suffering as well. If I have to be more honest about my feelings, so do you. Okay?”

"Oh," Red says. He doesn't know what else to say. He's used to being alone, the only one, and therefore not having anyone to share some things with. He leans into Tifa's touching, wondering if maybe he was thinking of it the wrong way. Maybe in some things, he isn't the only one of his kind.

“Come on,” says Tifa. “Stand up against the rail with me. It’d be nice to get used to the water again, and not think we’re about to drown.”

Red complies, putting his paws up so he can finally see the water. "Yes," he says. "It would."


	23. Aerith

Aerith likes to think she can handle everything with equilibrium. She was even prepared to take on death with some kind of acceptance. But now that she's alive after all, she finds herself furiously angry at Cloud. Cloud, walking around inside Zack's life, with Aerith none the wiser. Well, that's one thing she didn't see coming.

She can't imagine intruding on the little bubble that holds Cloud and Barret, so she waits until they finally go their separate ways. It isn't until after dinner.

"Hey," she says, catching Cloud's elbow, "the stars are out. Want to go look?"

“Oh,” he says. He blinks, like he’s trying to come back to her across great distance. “Sure. Yeah.”

When they are out in the air, though, Aerith can barely think about the stars. Her heart is burning. The uniform, was that Zack's, too? The sword? She knows that sword. She grips the rail, looking out across the ocean.

“There’s a lot out here,” Cloud says quietly. He tilts his head, and she thinks he’s looking at the moonlight where it hits the water in a sharp, ever-moving reflection.

"Yeah," Aerith says. Then-- "Cloud, you have to tell me about Zack." Her voice sounds harsh in her own ears.

Cloud turns quickly to look at her. “Aerith,” he says. 

"I know you don't want to talk about it," she says, "but I need to. I've been wondering what happened to him for _years._ "

“You said,” he starts, and then an almost hopeless expression takes over his face. “What do you want to know?”

"I want to know how it got as bad as it got," she says. "How he died and you stepped into his life. You're not a first class SOLDIER, but you dress like one."

Cloud puts a hand on the rail, but he almost doesn’t grip it. “I don’t know,” he says. “It’s just...what I was wearing. I don’t remember.”

"Do you understand why I'm upset?" Aerith asks. _Don't you dare disappear into yourself,_ she thinks.

“Because he was your boyfriend,” Cloud says, but his voice almost dies to nothing on the last word. “Aerith…”

Aerith can see clearly, all of a sudden. Whatever she might have dreamed about Cloud, whatever she might have imagined, there's no chance of it happening now. "And what was he to you?" she demands.

Cloud shakes his head. “Don’t,” he says. “Please.”

"If you want us to ever get along, Cloud, you have to tell me," Aerith says. Her hands on the railing are shaking. "He was my friend, and now he's gone. I think it's fair that I know more."

“Running to Midgar,” says Cloud, his face the color of the moon. “He died running to Midgar. There were too many Shinra.” 

Aerith covers her mouth with her hand, her burning heart starting to freeze. "And then you took his sword and his life," she says.

“What?” says Cloud, like she’s hit him.

"You told me you didn't know him," Aerith says. "And all the time you were walking around putting yourself in where you'd erased him."

Cloud stares at her silently. 

"I know you didn't know," she says, her voice thick with tears. "Or you didn't remember. But do you see how nightmarish it feels?"

“I’m sorry,” he says, like a ghost. “I’m sorry.”

"He was very dear to me," Aerith says. She wasn't in love, but she did love him. She wipes her tears away messily, still crying. "But he was very dear to you, too, wasn't he?"

“I don’t,” Cloud says. “I--”

"I just want the truth!" Aerith says. "That's all I wanted from the start."

Cloud says, slowly, “Tifa...told you?”

"Don't be mad at her," Aerith says.

“I’m not mad,” he says. He’s doing it. Disappearing.

"Don't," Aerith grabs his hand. "Stay. I'm going to stop yelling. I know we both cared about him."

“He told me!” Cloud blurts. “He told me, he said _you have to live for me._ He said his dreams belong to me. I didn’t take it! I didn’t want it!” An ugly noise catches in his throat. He swings down his sword, and for a terrible, nonsensical moment, Aerith worries. But he holds it out to her, pommel first. His eyes, meeting hers, are bright and breaking. “I want him,” he says. “I don’t want this. I want it to stop. Please, make it stop.”

Aerith pushes the sword aside, letting it clatter to the deck. She flings her arms around Cloud, sobbing into his shoulder. She feels like she's being torn in half, but Cloud is living and breathing and so, so good.

The Cloud she’s known before now wouldn’t cry for anything, she thinks. But in the last two days, it’s different. That’s what happens when you get back another version of yourself, maybe. Maybe it’s just what happens when five years of being horribly, unthinkably imprisoned and abused fall on you all in a second. This Cloud, new Cloud, holds her tight and shakes with grief, his tears dampening her neck and the collar of her jacket. 

Aerith had been pretty sure Zack was dead, the way she sometimes knows things, but having it confirmed like this--she's grieving, too. She lets herself cry, but she stops before Cloud does and just holds onto him silently.

"I miss him too," she whispers after a minute. "I'm so sorry."

Cloud lets go, and backs up a step. He looks worriedly at Aerith, and then stoops to gently lift the sword up again. He runs his hand over the flat of the blade, like that will solve any bruising from where it fell. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I shouldn’t have.” He doesn’t say what. 

"It's okay," Aerith says. "It sounds like you were in an impossible position, Cloud. I'm not mad anymore." Cloud's not just someone who was pretending to be Zack. He's a whole person, and she loves him.

Cloud says, hiding his eyes now, “I’m...tired. Maybe gonna sleep.”

"I'll come with you," Aerith says, deciding. She doesn't want him to be alone. She doesn't want to be apart from him. She was so angry, and now he feels so fragile and precious.

Cloud nods mutely. He hefts the sword onto his back and turns towards the hatch into the cabin below. A couple of night crew eye them, but don’t say anything. They pass the galley with its rec area attached, where the others are all up laughing and playing cards with the crew. Cloud doesn’t stop or turn, and Aerith sees Tifa look up and see both of them, concern dipping her eyebrows.

She can't stop to explain. If this causes problems later, she'll deal with them later. Cloud is a problem for right now. She follows him into his cabin and doesn't bother turning the light on.

"Here," she says, reaching to take Cloud's sword off his back. "Set it down."

He looks back at her with surprise she can see in the near-dark.

“Aerith,” he says. 

"It's okay," she says. "Go on." And she unhooks the sword and wrestles it clumsily off his back so it's standing upright with Aerith gripping the hilt. "Time to put it down," she says again.

Cloud nods. His face, in the scant moonlight through the porthole, is still very pale. “But I just picked it up,” he says, in contradiction to the nod. “I promised.”

Aerith shakes her head. "You shouldn't have had to promise that," she says. "Cloud, he's gone, but that doesn't mean you have to be gone."

Eventually, he nods again. This time it seems like he means it. Anyway, he takes the sword from her and lays it gently against the wall, sharp of the blade against the floor.

“Thanks,” he says. “Night, Aerith.”

"I'm staying," Aerith says. "We'll both sleep better."

“Oh,” he says. “I, um. Tifa. She won’t--”

"I'll talk to her tomorrow," Aerith says. "But you matter to me too." Aerith is always very clear on her own feelings, even when they get her into trouble. She hopes that Tifa trusts her. She wants to be trustworthy.

“All right.” He sounds unsure, but he sits down to take his boots off, still half-watching her.

Aerith kicks off her own boots. Maybe she's doing a very stupid thing, but she's so sad about Zack, and helping Cloud feels so important. He actually feels important to her in ways Zack never did.

Cloud takes off the pieces of his armor, eyeing her the whole time. She thinks she understands the problem by the time he sets them down. It’s silly, because he’s already slept in a bed with everyone but her. 

"I'm not going to do anything crazy," she says. "I just want to be here." She shrugs her jacket off. "Trust me?"

“What?” he says, startled. “Oh--no, yeah. Of course I do.”

She nods and sits on the edge of the bed. She feels like she's taming a skittish animal, for a second. "We're going to take care of each other," she says.

He almost smiles, she can see that. “World moves fast,” he says. “Do you want your--are you gonna change?”

She'd been debating not letting him out of her sight, in case the moment somehow slipped away. But no, he's here now. She stands up. "You're right. I'll be back. Don't go anywhere."

She runs to her room, hoping she doesn't encounter the others. Tomorrow, she promises herself. Tomorrow she'll explain. She changes quickly and goes back to Cloud's room, a little out of breath.

He looks sheepishly at her from bed, within his Bone Village forever-borrowed pajamas. It’s so funny to see him not locked away from the world, physically. 

“You did come back,” he says. “Well. I guess. I’m gonna sleep.”

"Move over," Aerith says. She climbs into bed next to him and puts her arms around him in another tight hug. "Hi," she says.

She feels his breath catch.

“Hey,” he says stiffly. 

"I'm glad you found your way here," she says. "I'm sorry about the road, though." Cloud is soft in her arms, and his hair brushes against her face. His shoulders drop, just slightly, and she knows he trusts her again.

“I wanted to be in SOLDIER so much,” he says. “But it was all shit. They--Shinra. It’s shit.”

Oh, Aerith knows. "Yeah. A lot of boys made that mistake. You didn't know."

“What happened to you,” Cloud says. “I didn’t understand. But I do understand. Now.”

Aerith kisses his hair. "I'm sorry you do."

Cloud shifts, and suddenly he’s curled on his side against her, his head heavy on the hollow of her shoulder, his arm tight around her waist. 

“There was a girl in Midgar,” he says. “Nowhere was safe, but that’s where we went. Because he remembered her.”

Aerith takes a sharp breath. "Oh," she says, tears welling up. "Is this _my_ fault?"

Cloud squeezes her more tightly. “No,” he says. “Shinra are Shinra. They hunted everywhere.”

"He was such a good friend," Aerith says through her tears. "I miss him so much. But I don't know what I'd do if you and I hadn't met each other." Not because of destiny, or not just because of that.

“He talked about you,” says Cloud, slowly, like it’s something he’s just remembering. “In...that place. Said we’d get out. And he knew a great girl who would...like me too.”

"Oh," Aerith says. "Oh, no. That's so _sad_." She hugs Cloud more tightly. "I do, though. I like you so much."

“Like you too,” he says. “You’re not like anybody.”

"That's just 'cause I'm from the slums," Aerith says, laughing through her tears.

“Don’t be stupid,” Cloud says. “Not ‘cause you’re an Ancient either. You’re just Aerith.”

Aerith is hit with an overwhelming desire to kiss him, but that will upset everyone, so she just smiles into his hair and keeps holding on.

They talk, but eventually, the silences between their words get longer and longer. Then Cloud is heavy against her chest, breathing like someone who is really sleeping. Aerith lies awake a little longer, thinking about Zack, and about what happens next. But finally, she drifts off, her hand still in Cloud's hair.


	24. Tifa

Tifa sleeps a little fitfully. She had expected to share her bed with Aerith. Actually, she had kind of counted on it. Now their kiss in the woods, and sleeping next to one another at the dig site, feels really far away. It was such a stupid mistake. Tifa shared something private, and she didn’t think it through. She didn’t think how it would feel for Aerith. 

The good thing is that Aerith and Cloud don’t seem like they’re killing one another. The bad news...well, Tifa just hopes it wasn’t just one kiss, forever. She hopes she didn’t ruin everything.

Lying around and worrying isn’t really Tifa’s thing, so when the sun is just coming up over the water, she hops out of bed, gets dressed, gets breakfast, and carries it back to knock on Cloud’s cabin door. Whoever answers, she’ll make it work. She refuses for everything to be miserable.

After an agonizing minute, Aerith opens the door, wearing her pajamas. "Sorry," she whispers, "I didn't want to wake him. I'm so glad to see you."

Tifa smiles. “You too,” she says. “I brought breakfast. For all of us, but…” She can see Cloud’s tousled head coming out from under the covers.

"You're amazing," Aerith says. "Hold on, let's just see if--Cloud? You up for breakfast?"

There’s a crabby little noise from the bed, and Tifa has to bite her lip not to laugh. Maybe it’s okay.

Aerith shakes her head and slips out into the hall, closing the door behind her. "It's okay, I'll just walk around in pajamas," she says, smiling at Tifa like nothing is wrong.

“They look nice on you, so who’s going to complain?” Tifa says. “Ah--here.” She passes over a plate, and leaves the other one outside Cloud’s door.

"Thanks," Aerith says. "That's so nice of you. I was afraid you'd be mad. I wanted to explain."

Tifa says, “I thought _you’d_ be mad! We’d better catch up. But--if you’re not mad and I’m not mad, it’s going to be okay. Let’s start there, okay?”

Aerith relaxes. "Let's go on deck and eat," she says. "Then we can straighten everything out."

It’s colder than the day before, with a gray sky that’s spitting water. Not a real storm, Tifa tells herself, and it’s going to be okay. But there’s a feel to it. Actually, in spite of her nerves, she likes the change of smell it brings to the sea and the boards. It didn’t really rain in Midgar. She missed the taste of rain.

She sits next to Aerith on the upper deck, their legs dangling between the rails looking out over the rest of the ship. She takes a bit of sweet omelet and savors the taste.

"So, yesterday was kind of messed up," Aerith says, after she's eaten some of hers. "Mostly me, I mean."

“I upset you,” says Tifa. “I wasn’t thinking how you would feel.”

Aerith nods. "Thank you," she says. "I feel so bad. I yelled at Cloud."

Tifa pushes rice around, and then picks up a forkful of pudding instead. She says, “I thought you might. Did it help?”

"No," Aerith says with a laugh. "I feel terrible. He was so upset. And it's not his fault at _all_. That's why I stayed the night with him. I needed him to know."

“That you’re not mad?” Tifa asks carefully. The pudding is really good, for a ship’s meal.

"Right," Aerith agrees. "Tifa--nothing happened. I was afraid of what you'd think, but I also thought if I left for too long, he'd slip away somehow."

Tifa says, “Wait, wait. Are you worried I’ll be jealous?” 

"Um," Aerith says. "Yes. I was very worried. Was that wrong?"

Tifa looks at Aerith’s very serious face, and her pajamas, and her breakfast balanced on her lap, and laughs. 

“Oh,” she says. “Maybe. Are you going to stop kissing me and start kissing him?”

"No!" Aerith says. "I never want to stop kissing you."

Tifa’s heart kicks into action so fast she feels like she could take off from the deck. 

“Me too,” she says, and they share a relieved grin, both a little breathless. Tifa says, “Okay. That’s good. Do you...do you want that from Cloud, too? Now that you’re not yelling, I mean.”

Aerith sobers a little. "I don't know," she says. "I mean, yes. But not at the expense of you. It's hard. I've actually never been in a monogamous relationship."

“Well, I’ve never really been in a relationship at all,” says Tifa, and then feels herself turn immediately scarlet.

"Oh no," Aerith says, halfway between horrified and laughing. "Now I really feel like I'm taking advantage."

“Hey, I’m not helpless!” Tifa says, smiling through her blush. “And Cloud…” She thinks. “Maybe you just have to be a little careful. But I don’t think I mind for me.”

"Mm. Well, that’s good to know. The only other thing is," Aerith says, "I wasn't sure if Cloud was spoken for...by you?"

Tifa says, “Oh. I don’t…” She feels the creeping shame of yesterday. “I care about him. A lot,” she says. “But it’s like I was telling you before...my feelings are a little mixed up right now. I know it’s not fair,” she adds quickly. “I’m--working on it.”

"It's not fair," Aerith says gently. "But your feelings are still real."

“Maybe,” she says. “But I need to let go of them. It’s not like anybody tricked me but myself. When I found him at the station, I knew something was really wrong. You know? That’s why I tried so hard to keep an eye on him.”

"It all makes a lot more sense now," Aerith says. "That he'd just lost Zack. And everything else."

Tifa feels almost panicky, but it doesn’t help. She _knows_ it doesn’t help. “And the other part’s me,” she says. “Sometimes when we were kids...I thought he was a little embarrassing. I’m scared I won’t be good enough. I’m scared of that coming back.”

"Oh, is that all," Aerith says. "Tifa, that's okay. You probably don't think the rest of us are perfect either, and that doesn't mean we don't fit together."

Tifa looks up. “You’re right,” she says. “I promise, I’m working on my own stupid head. But while we’re talking about jealousy...you didn't forget about Barret, right? They’ve been really close. Barret’s been better than us.”

Aerith looks chagrined. "I didn't forget," she says. "But I don't know if it's like that. Necessarily."

Tifa says, “You don’t know, or you don’t _want_ to know?”

"I don't--He's older, and he's so macho…" Aerith shakes her head. "Okay, I'm a little jealous."

“Mm-hm. Well, I feel like we’re getting ahead of ourselves anyway,” says Tifa. “You know, considering everything. But it would be kind of nice, wouldn’t it? If everyone could just kiss and be happy.” Poor Red, she thinks.

"I don't think it's impossible," Aerith says. "Although I don't know if Sephiroth would like it."

“What?” says Tifa, almost dropping her plate.

"Um…" Aerith looks up at the sky. "I don't know. I guess I'm ten steps ahead, wanting _everyone_ to be happy."

Tifa backs up, walks through it again, and says, slightly hysterically, “Aerith.”

"I don't know," Aerith says quickly. "I'm sorry. I know you can't fix everything that way. I know not everyone is redeemable."

But Tifa isn’t as upset about this as Aerith maybe thinks she is. She does think it’s crazy. She doesn’t understand it, or agree with it, or want it. But she wants Aerith, who is tough and stands her ground and still has a million yards of kindness all coiled up inside her. Who is very nice to kiss. 

She says, “It’s okay. You’re all about the future, right?”

"Even now that I have no idea what's in it," Aerith says, with a hint of mischief in her eyes.

Tifa says, “Oh--well I know a little.” She sets her plate aside quickly and rushes in to kiss Aerith, her fingers catching in Aerith’s hair, her hand cupped against Aerith’s cheek. Even if she isn’t clear on how to love everyone else, yet, she knows she has to love them. And this--Aerith--is easy.

Aerith makes a small noise and kisses back, tilting her head back and letting Tifa deepen the kiss. Her hand skims up Tifa's arm. Tifa’s skin thrills. Aerith is perfect. Aerith is--

Tifa very suddenly understands what it’s going to be like, and she doesn’t want to wait a second.

“No one’s in my cabin,” she says. “What do you think?”

"Oh," Aerith says, sounding delighted. " _Yes_."

“Dishes to the galley,” says Tifa quickly. 

"Do we have to?" Aerith asks, but she grabs her plate and stands up to follow Tifa. They're fast, though, and in almost no time, they're back at Tifa's cabin, Aerith still humming with energy beside her.

Tifa thinks she’s been laughing, and she _knows_ Aerith was laughing. She catches both of Aerith’s hands in hers. “What did I say before?” she says breathlessly. “I’m new to all this. Help me catch up.”

Aerith doesn't say anything glib or teasing, she just squeezes Tifa's hands in hers and kisses her. Aerith kisses like a tidal wave, an overwhelming rush. She touches like that, too, and when she gets her hands on Tifa's skin, Tifa can feel her hunger.

_What’s it like?_ Tifa wonders. To be this soft, and this strong underneath it? It’s hard to wonder about anything for long. It’s hard to think at all, with Aerith fearlessly, seriously, smilingly kissing Tifa’s clothes off her. With the certainty in her hands, setting Tifa’s skin on fire. With the way Aerith takes all the cramped, awful feelings that have been making Tifa ache, and eases them open. Aerith makes Tifa gasp, and then laugh, and then sob into her pillow, and by the time it’s her turn to get Aerith back, Tifa isn’t really nervous or scared or sad at all.

Aerith's eyes are so bright when she takes Tifa's hands and guides them for her. Soon, though, she's gasping and clutching the pillow, begging Tifa not to stop. She smells like flowers and clean laundry, and she keeps her eyes open the whole time, watching Tifa.

They collapse together into a breathless, happy pile. Aerith immediately tangles her hand in Tifa's hair and pulls her down for another kiss. Tifa lets her whole self melt into it. Then she pulls back, not even enough that their breaths don’t touch, and says, “This is our thing now. Okay?” She feels giddy.

"Yes," Aerith says. "Please."

Tifa grins. “Okay,” she says. “To be continued. Should we find the boys?”

“Oh,” says Aerith, smiling. “Not yet.”


	25. Barret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmm.....let's celebrate.

Barret wakes up when Red lets himself out, which is quite a process. Annoyed and too hot, he lies awake waiting for something to piss him off even more. When nothing does, he gives up and starts to go back to sleep. Fucking boats. Just as he's drifting off, though, the door opens again.

Barret bolts upright, pointing his right arm at the intruder. Right. No gun. And it's just Cloud.

Cloud says, “Hey. Nice greeting.”

"Sorry," Barret mutters. "Wasn't sure who was coming barging in here." He wishes he'd put a shirt on. Cloud's one of the only people on the planet who can make Barret feel self-conscious just by existing.

“Next time I’ll knock,” Cloud says. “You still sleeping?”

"Nah, I'm up now," Barret says, swinging his legs onto the floor. "These beds are too damn tiny." He scans Cloud's face. "You sleep okay?"

Cloud frowns. “Yeah,” he says. “Actually.” He looks a little funny about it, though. 

"Seen the girls yet?" Barret asks. They've been off in their own little world a lot, though.

“Got breakfast awhile ago,” Cloud says, looking even funnier.

"What the hell is going on?" Barret demands.

“Nothing’s going on,” says Cloud. “Aerith and Tifa are busy. Come on, stop freaking out and put some clothes on.”

Barret sighs and grabs a shirt. "Can't stand this goddamn boat," he says. "We'd better be landing today." He's partly just making noise because he's uncomfortable and worried. He still doesn't quite know what to expect when he looks at Cloud.

As he pulls the shirt over his head, he catches a glimpse of Cloud watching him. Cloud notices, and turns his face, arms crossed.

"Weird without the gun, huh?" Barret says without rancor.

“That’s not it,” says Cloud. 

"Sure," Barret says. His heart lurches in a way he thought he was completely done with. "Want to walk?"

Cloud says, “Yeah. If that’s what you want to do.” His eyes travel slowly up to Barret’s, and damned if Barret can tell the difference between Cloud baiting him and Cloud...doing whatever the hell the other option is.

"Or we could stay here," Barret says, unnerved. It's been way too long since he's had anything except a professional relationship with someone.

“Yeah. Whatever you want,” Cloud says again, looking deeply embarrassed. “I’m just...trying to hang out.”

The words sound very weird in Cloud’s mouth, but Barret can do hanging out. He sits down on the bed. "Let's do that here," he says. "How're you feeling, with--everything?" He hasn't been where Cloud is, but he's been similar places. Lose enough that you lose some of yourself, too.

Cloud glances around, and starts to move like he’s going to sit against the wall. Just like that first night, in Kalm. Was that, what? A week ago? Can’t be.

"C'mere," Barret says. "Bed's softer." Cloud is easy to get close to, physically. Barret keeps finding himself doing it, or finding excuses to do it.

Cloud stops himself, and comes over. His weight sinks the bed, but not as low as the part Barret’s sitting on. That’s what’s funny about him this morning--or one thing, anyway. No sword.

"You look like a person," Barret says. Then, just in case Cloud takes it wrong, "No armor or any of that." He looks about half his usual size.

“Well,” says Cloud. “Still a mutant.”

"You and everybody else," Barret says. Fuck it. He slings his arm around Cloud's shoulders again, and it feels different in this context than on the deck or back at the camp.

“That’s not really true,” says Cloud. Under the weight of Barret’s arm, he’s relaxed.

"Well, everyone in SOLDIER," Barret says. "So same difference there."

“Whatever,” says Cloud, so Barret has to check if he’s mad. 

"I'm not trying to--How're you doing with all of it today?"

Cloud straightens up a little bit. “Heroes don’t lie around and cry about shit, do they?” he says.

"Guess I'm no hero, then," Barret says. "If you don't ever get in your feelings, you'll be a mess." Cloud is a mess anyway, but Barret isn't too worried. That's just what happens when you go through shit.

“Guess you’re right,” says Cloud, picking at a speck of dirt on his pants leg. Cloud is such a stare-you-straight-in-the-eye little punk that when he doesn’t, it feels weird. 

Barret swipes his thumb over Cloud's shoulder. "Nobody expects you to just be okay now," he says.

Cloud says, “Me? Come on, Barret. You and Tifa lost your friends. Your home. Aerith and Red just escaped Shinra. I’m not special, here. I don’t need to be.”

"So nobody's okay right now," Barret says.

“Uh,” says Cloud. “Yeah. I guess that’s...what I meant.”

"Okay," Barret says, taking a deep breath, "Here we go. I'm tired and hungry and a little seasick. I'm irritable as fuck because like you said, I lost all my friends. I'm lonely and jealous and worried about my kid. So that's how I'm doing."

Cloud’s head tilts slowly up, until they’re looking right at each other again. “Better,” he says.

"And you're really throwing me off my game," Barret says. Since they're being honest.

“What the hell,” says Cloud. “I blew up all the reactors you wanted.”

Barret laughs in surprise. "Sure, but that was when you were a mercenary and not some cute guy I'm friends with." His stomach lurches and he firmly pretends it's just the seasickness.

Cloud, to his credit, doesn’t look away. The tops of his cheeks turn pink. “Well, sorry,” he says. “For...distracting you, or whatever.”

"I didn't mean to come off aggressive," Barret says. People think that about him a lot, because of his size, or his voice, or whatever.

Cloud’s mouth quirks into a smile. “I ain’t scared of you, if that’s what you think,” he says.

Barret plans to never, ever tell Cloud how much he likes it when Cloud pulls the tough act. "You're such a little punk," he says.

“Whatever,” says Cloud, for the second time in this conversation. Then he sobers a little. “I’m not hiding from my feelings,” he says. “Aerith just...I woke up feeling okay.”

"Oh," Barret says, surprised. "That's good. What'd she do?"

Cloud shrugs. And that’s apparently all Barret’s getting.

"Oh," Barret says again. "Well, good for her." He shifts and takes his arm back. It's been there way too long. Cloud stretches his shoulders and looks back down at his hands, which probably tells Barret all he needs to know. 

“We’ve got stuff in common,” Cloud says quietly. “And she’s Aerith.”

"Yeah," Barret says carefully. "She and Tifa, they're getting along well." Testing that topic out.

Cloud makes an awkward noise. 

"What??" Barret demands.

“I _said_ they’re busy!” Cloud retorts, loudly. 

"What--ohh," Barret says. "Well, good!" That is good. Good for Tifa, who deserves wonderful things. Aerith just better treat her right.

“Right!” says Cloud, still too loudly.

Barret laughs. "Calm down," he says. "Guess you're flying solo, then."

Cloud’s bright expression drains out of his face. “Guess so,” he says. “Wasn’t really trying to get on the market.”

Barret winces. "Yeah, sorry," he says. "Guess there's enough going on without all that."

“Tifa didn’t talk to you too, did she?” Cloud asks.

"No," Barret says. "About you? Anything I know came from what you said." He wishes Cloud would say more, but it's not like Barret has shared all of his fucked up history.

Cloud nods. “That guy she and Aerith were talking about,” he says. “Zack.” 

"Yeah?" Barret says. "What about him?” 

“He was my superior,” Cloud says. “My friend. I had a--a crush. Before the lab.”

"Oh, shit," Barret says. That makes it even worse, and it already seemed pretty bad.

“Right,” says Cloud. “But that’s...just listen. The lab where Shinra took us--it was like in Midgar. Didn’t matter how many subjects they had locked up, you were alone. Kept you apart, and nobody lasted. But they let us stick together. So we’d survive longer, maybe.”

"Five years, right," Barret says quietly. 

Cloud looks at him carefully. “That whole time, there wasn’t anything else. So like I said. I loved him.” 

“Fuck, Cloud. I didn't know." No wonder Cloud is so standoffish. He lost someone he loved and forgot about it. It must have been too painful for him to think about.

“I’m just saying I loved somebody,” Cloud says. “I couldn’t protect him, and he handed me his whole life. I’m not pissed off at anybody here. It’s just...close.”

_Zack sounds like a real asshole_ , Barret thinks. "I get it," he says. "I'll back off." He hadn't planned to say that. He hadn't planned to admit that he was doing anything that would require backing off from.

Cloud turns quickly to look at him. “You’re--” he starts. Then, “That’s not what I said. Although, I get it.”

"I just don't want to make anything harder," Barret says. They're sitting really close. He can't stop being aware of that.

“Well, you stopped yelling at me all the time,” says Cloud. “That’s helpful.”

"Sorry about that," Barret says. "That's how I am with everyone. Plus you were a little--You know. Intimidating." Barret's always butted heads with other tough guys.

Cloud pulls a face. “Not anymore?” he says.

"Not so much," Barret admits. "It's nice." Before he can think better of it, he puts his arm around Cloud again.

Cloud says, “Thanks, I think.”

"Means I'm not too scared to do this," Barret says. "For if you want it. Ever." He ducks his head and kisses Cloud on the lips lightly. "I know you've just been through some shit," he adds quickly. "Just know that it's there." 

Cloud gives him a scary look right then, but when Barret starts to lean away, Cloud’s hand shoots out to stop him, and he says quickly, “Wait. Tell me more.”

"Oh," Barret says. "Okay, nice." His heart is fucking pounding. He wants to kiss him again.

“More,” says Cloud, looking as much like a belligerent block of stone as he ever does. “I mean. Kiss me, if you want.”

Barret shuts the hell up and does it, tilting Cloud's chin up and kissing him for real this time, hard and a little aggressive. Cloud pushes back, or drags him closer--who knows, except it’s not just a kiss anymore?--and damn, it’s daunting when a scrawny little guy like that is secretly about two Barrets worth of muscle.

Barret's off balance without his gun, and he clutches the front of Cloud's shirt to keep himself from slipping. Cloud's kiss is rough, and it's taking Barret's breath away.

“I’m not gonna let you fall,” Cloud says into his mouth. “Don’t worry so much.” 

Barret feels a surge of need so strong it almost knocks him over. "Okay, tough guy," he manages, breathless.

He feels the air go out of Cloud’s lungs all at once, and then Cloud pushes him down on his back and says, “STAY,” like the rude little asshole he is, and scrambles over to lock the door.

"So goddamn careful," Barret snarls, but under his breath. Cloud is a _force_.

The force scrambles back the other way, so he’s leaning over Barret’s face--and then, thankfully, he has the decency to look a little bit nervous.

Barret, at this point, isn't. He's already made the move that he was worrying about. He grabs Cloud by the back of the neck and kisses him again, hard. Cloud shivers once, but that must be the last of the nerves, because then his knee is pinning down Barret’s wrist and his teeth are against Barret’s throat.

"Fuck," Barret says. Is he going to let this little punk push him around? Yeah, he fucking is, and he's going to like it. He's going to let Cloud go as hard as he wants, because Barret hasn't been able to get that idea out of his head for weeks.

One hand pins down Barret’s free arm, the amputated one, and Barret’s first reaction is to _not_ like that. But Cloud’s hand tightens for a moment on his arm, like he knows and he’s got it. And then Cloud’s other hand practically rips Barret’s pants down the front, so there is that to think about instead. 

"Hold on, hold on," Barret says, blushing furiously. "You too, okay? You don't get to take my clothes off and keep yours on." If Cloud said that's that he wanted, though, Barret would probably go for it.

Cloud gives him a speaking look, then takes his knee off Barret’s wrist.

Barret has a moment of panic where he thinks he can't get Cloud's pants off one-handed, but he still has teeth, and he manages, cursing the whole time. Cloud makes a noise, and Barret looks up, scared they’re about to lose the moment and everything’s going to hell.

"The hell are you laughing at?" Barret demands furiously. He grabs Cloud's dick, in case that helps him get his head back in the game. 

“Nothing, asshole,” Cloud says unevenly. Lying on his side, knees apart, hair messy on the blankets, scowling and bright red. _Shit_. “S-so do it already,” he adds. Before Barret can yell at him for that, Cloud grabs him back.

Barret grunts and bites his lip. He lets Cloud lead, only taking charge one to grab Cloud's hip and haul him up so he's straddling Barret. He expects it to be fast, but it’s not that fast, and they’re lined up, too. No one’s ahead, no one’s behind. By the time they’re close, there’s sweat peppering Cloud’s shoulders and running down his jaw. 

"Shit," Barret gasps. "Shit, you look so good. C'mon, Cloud."

Cloud looks at him so fiercely it may as well be a knife, then kisses him, so hard and relentless that Barret can’t come up for air, even as he comes. 

He doesn't let go of Cloud, even as his vision whites out for a second. He wants to feel Cloud come all over him. His hand must tighten, or Cloud just gets there, because a few seconds later Cloud cries out and lands on him shaking, grabbing at the blankets under Barret’s head, gasping into his chest.

"Holy shit," Barret rasps. "Holy shit." He never in a million years thought Cloud would go for it. Maybe a little, in the Bone Village, but even then…

Cloud picks himself up and drags himself to one side. The bed’s not really big enough for both of them, but he doesn’t leave. He props himself up on an elbow and stares.

"What're you looking at?" Barret demands, already self-conscious.

“Different,” says Cloud. “That’s all. Thanks.”

Barret wasn't expecting that. He thinks about it for a minute, then reaches over and pulls Cloud into a hug. Cloud freezes, and then relaxes into it, and then hugs him back, almost gently.

"Nice to know you can forget to be tough for a minute," Barret says into Cloud's shoulder. This is the happiest he's felt in weeks. Months, maybe.

“You don’t know me,” Cloud mumbles. “‘M not that tough.”

"Guess I'm gonna get to know you," Barret says. He runs his hand through Cloud's hair. "Mm. I'm gonna need a shower."

Cloud leans back on his elbow. “You do,” he says.

"Asshole," Barret says, flushing and happy.

“Whatever,” says Cloud. But Barret’s never seen that look in those eyes, not before now.


	26. Cloud

Everything in Costa Del Sol is bright, so bright it makes Cloud’s eyes ache. He’s glad to be off the boat. Crew was nice enough, but Cloud doesn’t really feel like sitting and stewing does him any good. Not that everything on the boat was bad. 

He and the others thank the crew at the docks before they walk into town. It’s the middle of the day, way too soon to sleep but maybe late enough to eat. Red keeps galloping up the street in a fit and then trotting back shamefaced.

“You can get away with it, so do it,” says Cloud.

"I've never seen so many rich people," Aerith says, not exactly quietly.

They’re definitely rich. The kids playing in the streets, the women waving drinks, the men jogging down to the beach--they paid way too much for those muscles. They paid way too much for that everything.

“Hotel’s gonna be expensive,” Cloud says.

“Mm,” says Tifa. “We’ll have to just get one room and smuggle everyone else in through the window.” 

"Be tough to get Red in that way," Barret says. He's been in a positively sunny mood.

"I think we can all share a bed at this point," Aerith says.

“I’m not sure what you’re saying, but yeah, probably,” says Cloud. “If you can find one big enough.”

"I mean we've all been jammed in each other's personal space," Aerith says, hooking arms with Cloud. "Especially in beds."

“Yeahhh,” says Cloud, raising an eyebrow at her. “Plus you’re making intimations. You know? Intimations?”

"I know intimations," Aerith says placidly.

Cloud sighs and hitches her arm more comfortably around his. 

Tifa says, “There’s a bar up there. Maybe they’ll have food? Or there’s street food, too. Probably the carts are really touristy versions of everything, though. Just like in the slums. Half a dozen rich people show up and it’s impossible to find real anything anymore.”

"Ha!" Barret says. "You don't have to tell me. I wrote the _book_ on combating gentrification. What a shit-show." He eyes some passersby. "They're what's wrong with this planet."

“Not Shinra, all the sudden?” Cloud says. “Because I’m pretty sure they’re everywhere there’s people. Guess you could move to an island in the middle of nowhere. Nothing but dust and cactuses.”

"Doesn't sound too bad," Barret says.

“Depends on the cactuses.”

"People are great," Aerith says. "Even the horrifying ones. Let's get street food."

“Even Hojo?” says Tifa, sounding a little hysterical.

Aerith frowns. "I don't know," she says. "I don't know why he is the way he is. I wouldn't write him off completely."

"It's way too nice out for the fight I'm gonna give you on that one," Barret says.

“I don’t know, Barret,” says Tifa. “I actually think that now might be a good time for _everyone_ to make up their mind about him.”

Then Red begins to growl.

"Red?" Aerith asks.

Cloud follows his gaze. In a half second has his sword out and Aerith and Red behind him. Tifa steps up at a safe distance, fists up and squared off. 

“For my vote, I don’t forgive him,” Tifa says. Her voice is hard. Cloud doesn’t want to make a decision about Hojo at all. He just wants to be sure that what he sees in front of him is real.

"What the hell?" Barret says loudly. "What's he doing _here_?"

"We should keep walking," Aerith says. "It won't help anything."

“He might know about Sephiroth,” says Cloud harshly. That’s not all. He feels dizzy and hot, like the sword might slip out of his hands. 

"I'll wring his neck," Barret says. "Just say the damn word."

"It's Hojo," Aerith says. "We probably don't need weapons out in the middle of a crowded resort town."

Cloud hears her, but he can’t move. He can see the lines of Hojo’s face, even across the square, as he smiles and dips his head in thanks to a girl who gives him--ice cream? That’s a nightmare. It’s a fucking nightmare.

"Cloud, what do you want to do?" Barret asks, touching his arm.

It’s all there. It’s all burning him. But the thing that is turning him white-hot with fury is that he met Hojo again and he _didn’t know_. He talked to him. He did what Hojo _wanted_. Hojo practically told him, and Cloud was a dupe.

“I want to kill him,” he says.

"You got it," Barret says.

Aerith makes a small, unhappy noise. "I don't want to kill anyone," she says.

“Do you think he’s going to _stop_?” Cloud snarls at her. “Do you think he’s bored now? Because a couple of us got away? You think he won’t torture people like that ever again?”

“Hey!” says Tifa, pushing Cloud’s sword down and getting in between them. “Cloud, calm _down._ She’s been through more than you have!”

"It's not a competition," Aerith says, her voice steady. "People are staring."

Cloud stares at her, breathing hard. Then he puts his sword away.

“If I stay here,” he says, “I’ll kill him. So do what you want, without me.” 

He doesn’t wait for anyone to answer. He walks straight for the edge of town. He only gets about twenty yards away when a panic hits his gut. If he walks away, Hojo will take them. If he walks away like this, they’ll die. But he can’t get his legs to turn him around. 

"Cloud." Barret has caught up with him. He puts his arm around Cloud and grips tightly. "Don't walk off too fast," he says. "We should stick together." His body is solid as a wall.

“Can’t,” says Cloud. He remembers things. It’s all in his head, something big and ugly, but suddenly, details are plastering themselves across his vision. Hojo’s domain. Hojo’s ideas. Hojo’s hands.

"I'll shoot him dead," Barret says with furious calm.

“Don’t regret it,” says Cloud. “He might be useful.” But he’s so nauseous that if Barret doesn’t let go soon, he thinks he’ll throw up.

"Whatever your call is, I'll make it happen," Barret says. "I can question him. Or we can go lie down in the dark somewhere and lock the door."

Cloud can imagine that. He takes a breath and a noise he doesn’t want comes out with it. “‘M not that weak,” he says. “Aerith and Red either. I don’t want to be weak anymore.”

Barret doesn't argue with him. Maybe he knows it's not the time. "Then let's go ask about Sephiroth," he says.

Cloud nods. “Yeah,” he says. He has to go back for Aerith and Red. _Are you this much of a coward?_ a voice whispers, and he breathes in sharply, because--he’s stupid--he thought it was gone. “Yeah, let’s go back.”

The others are waiting, watching him, Aerith with her hand on Red's head. "We can send Tifa and Barret to interrogate him," she says with a faint smile.

“We’ll do whatever you want,” says Cloud.

"Well," Aerith says, "I want to find out about Sephiroth. And I don't think punching Hojo in the face will get us that. So I'll go along."

Cloud says, “Okay. What about after?”

"Killing him won't make me feel better," Aerith says.

"But it'll stop him from hurting anyone else," Barret growls.

Tifa says, “I kind of agree, but maybe we should find out what’s happening before anything else.”

"And before he gets away," Aerith agrees. "Come on." She squares her shoulders and marches over to him. 

Cloud notices Red straggling behind and says, “Nothing wrong with hanging back.”

Red growls without saying anything, which isn’t like him. 

“Hey,” says Cloud. “Hang back. Eyes sharp.”

Red stops in the road and says, “Next line of defense. I can take him.”

Cloud nods, and goes to catch up with the others, who are a few steps behind Hojo as he walks down to the boardwalk. 

"HEY!" Barret says loudly.

Hojo doesn't turn. He just continues to walk, slightly stooped. He's wearing his lab coat, which is out of place and horrible here. Cloud’s hands itch for his sword. He wants to make Hojo scream, and then he wants him to disappear. Completely. Forever. 

Tifa puts a hand on Cloud’s upper arm, and says, “Hang on.” She passes Barret and jogs down the steps until she’s right behind him, and says, “Hey, you’re the incredible Shinra scientist Hojo, right?”

He stops. "Hm? Incredible, possibly. Shinra, no longer."

“Huh?” Tifa says. “But you were just--”

"I quit," Hojo says. "I'm going to help Sephiroth now. Excuse me." And he keeps walking as if Tifa isn't even there.

Cloud breaks his promise immediately, whips out his sword, and goes barreling down the stairs.

“Come back here, you fucking monster!” he shouts.

Hojo turns. He looks mildly surprised behind the smoked glass covering his eyes. "Oh, what is this?" he says. 

Something catches Cloud’s arm right before he swings his sword, it’s Tifa’s hands, Cloud says, “Let me go, I’m gonna kill him!”

"Now, why would you do that?" Hojo asks.

“Maybe you don’t recognize your _subjects_ outside their little glass boxes,” says Cloud. “But I know _you_ now.” He and Tifa are playing tug of war over Cloud’s arm.

"Oh, yes?" Hojo says dismissively. "Congratulations. Now, if you're not here to help me with Sephiroth, you can get out of my way."

Tifa yanks on Cloud, and says, “Oh, no, we are here to help with that. We’ll do whatever we can.”

Hojo nods, apparently satisfied. "Yes, people have always liked him," he says. "I wonder where he gets that from. Presumably his mother. You'll help him find the black materia?"

“Oh, yeah,” says Tifa. “We’re really good at finding materia. Even something as rare as black materia.” Cloud actually wonders whether she really knows what that is. She sounds like she knows. It makes his brain ache.

"Then make sure you give it directly to him," Hojo says. His eyes focus on Cloud. "What _are_ you doing _here_? You're one of them."

Cloud’s throat tightens. “One of what?” 

"The clones, the clones," Hojo says. "Or--more or less. You should be there, anyway. And you should get moving. You don't want to miss the Reunion."

“I’m not a--” Cloud starts, and Tifa says, “Absolutely. We’re a little lost. He’s...confused. Where do you think we should go?”

"How should I know?" Hojo says. "Sephiroth can tell you. Or Jenova. She's been telling me." His gaze shifts to Aerith. "Oh…"

Cloud finally shakes Tifa off and plants the sword between Hojo and Aerith.

“Thanks,” he says coldly. “I’m sure we’ll find it.”

"If you want to help Sephiroth," Hojo says, "you'll leave that behind. Depending on why you're bringing her."

“We should bring your head in a bag, you--” Cloud starts. 

"Cloud!" Aerith says. "Come on. It doesn't matter. Let's just go."

"I think we've got about all we're gonna get," Barret says. He sounds as angry as Cloud is.

Cloud promised Aerith. He did promise her. He wants something, at least to scream at Hojo, or kick him down the stairs, or punch him in the face.

He says, voice shaking, “What’s the Shinra board going to do if they find you, huh?”

"Kill me, I imagine," Hojo says calmly. "Or promise to bring me back on for more money. It's hard to say."

“You’re the reason President Shinra is dead!” says Tifa, sounding startled and a little horrified. “They’d bring you back?”

"You sound uninformed regarding the dynamic between the old president and the new one," Hojo says.

Cloud never met President Shinra, the old one. He wasn’t important. The new one, though.

“You’re too much trouble,” he tells Hojo. “You’re a pathetic, disgusting old man, and Rufus Shinra’s going to get rid of all of you.”

"If my death helps get Sephiroth what he wants," Hojo says, "then I really don't care."

Cloud can’t stop himself. He feels like he’s on fire. He lunges at Hojo so fast and hard that he knows one blow will kill him. 

Halfway through, he freezes--sword raised, muscles taut. His mind is rioting, but he can’t move.

"Sorry," he hears Aerith says, off to his left. Cloud can see the glow of materia in her hand. "But it would have been a mistake. I'll start you up again in a second."

Hojo regards her with an unreadable expression before starting off down the boardwalk again. When he's almost out of sight, Aerith's magic releases Cloud.

Cloud’s arms come down and the sword plunges into the weathered wood of the steps. He leans on the hilt and pants for breath. He doesn’t look at anybody.

"I don't fucking blame you," Barret says quietly.

There’s a bright rush under Cloud’s eyes, and Red says, “I came over. Are you all right?”

“Fine,” says Cloud shortly. He puts his sword on his back, fights off the urge to stalk off, and waits for somebody to take charge, brushing sand off his hands. 

"Let's go find a room," Barret says.

"Cloud, I'm sorry," Aerith says, taking his arm. Her hands aren't shaking, somehow.

“It was your call,” Cloud mumbles, and pulls away to cross his arms and face Barret. “We were getting lunch first, remember?” he says.

"Right!" Barret says, looking relieved. "Come on, I'll pay if you help me carry."

“There’s some carts over there,” says Tifa, doing a shabby job at being cheerful. “And it looks like there’s a promenade with tables over that way.” She points, and Cloud looks.

“Sounds good,” he says. 

“I like fish,” says Red. “And spicy food.”

"I'm vegetarian," Aerith says. "Anything without meat is fine."

“No reason to all go to the same place,” says Cloud. “Meet up in ten.”

Red says, “I’m going with you. So you don’t run off.”

“Thanks,” says Cloud, feeling some way about that.

Barret sticks with Cloud and Red, too, glaring down everyone who's still staring at them. It's a pretty crowded place to be swinging a sword around. Cloud knew. He just wasn’t thinking about it.

“Hot fried fish! Hot fried steak!” cries a vendor who doesn’t seem to care about swords.

“Fried steak of what?” Cloud asks.

“Very select! Don’t worry about it!” says the vendor.

"I'll go with the fish," Barret says dubiously. "You too, Red?" He keeps looking sideways at Cloud. Not exactly like he's worried, just like he's….checking. He's been doing it since they hooked up on the ship. 

Cloud needs to get his head on straight. “I’m game,” he says. “Give me steak.”

The vendor gives him a brilliant smile, and fixes up their food--thin squares of slightly puffy, pale bread, filled with crackling meat and fresh chopped vegetables, all drenched in a thick sauce that hurts Cloud’s nose just to breathe.

“You said hot,” he says.

“I did indeed,” says the vendor cheerfully. “Thirty gil for all of you.”

"THIRTY?" Barret demands. "All right, get ready to make this meal last a damn long time. Unless one of you wants to get a job."

“Not thirty each,” Cloud says. “Come on, it’s not that bad.”

“Competitively priced, actually,” agrees the vendor. “Here, take some extra sauce packets for nothing. Not as good as what I make, but they’ll still put a tear in your eye.”

Barret pays up, grumbling the whole time. "Where I come from," he tells Cloud and Red, "this would've cost ten."

Red says, “I grew up in a communal structure.”

“Did that dog talk?” says the vendor.

“Not a dog, but yeah,” says Cloud.

Barret eyes Red. "You grew up with a bunch of other--animals?"

“At one time,” says Red carefully.

“I’ll carry your basket,” says Cloud. “C’mon. Thanks,” he adds to the vendor, who waves. 

“Next time, talking dog discount!” the vendor calls after them.

"I hate this place," Barret says.

Cloud rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything. The three of them walk up the street--brick, with sand filling all of the gaps--and up onto the promenade. Tifa and Aerith are sitting at a table, shaded by a large white umbrella. 

"We'll all feel better after we eat," Aerith says by way of greeting.

Cloud tucks in, but he doesn’t feel like talking. Tifa takes hold of the conversation, which is something she’s good at, and soon everybody else is chatting away about how to travel from here, how many days to spend on the beach, whether maybe they really should sneak through a hotel window considering how much everything costs. Cloud isn’t trying to be petulant, but there’s nothing he really wants to add to the chatter. He eats every bite of his lunch and then sucks the hot sauce off his fingers.

Barret grips his knee under the table. Not like he's demanding anything, just pressure. He doesn't even look at Cloud, but it's a reminder that he's there. It’s nice. Cloud still doesn’t talk, but he feels his shoulders give up some tension. When everyone seems done eating, Cloud stacks up their empty paper baskets and carries them to a garbage barrel. 

"Want to debrief at all?" Aerith says when he comes back.

“No,” he says. “We still on for Red’s town?”

“They might know what some of these things are, there,” Red says. “But I’m not sure. It’s a long way to go for uncertain results.” He sounds anxious, and wistful.

“We’ll get you there either way,” says Cloud.

"I agree," Aerith says. "That's a valuable mission all on its own."

"And it's not like anybody here's heard of black materia, right?" Barret says.

Cloud frowns. “No,” he says. “No idea what that is.”

Tifa says, “I really don’t want to say this, but.”

Barret and Aerith's heads swivel to her.

“Cloud, do you remember when you all came to Nibelheim?” she says. 

“I guess I do,” he says.

“Sephiroth spent days in that old mansion,” she says. “When we were kids, there were always rumors that creepy stuff had gone on there, but we were all too scared to go inside. Whatever he found in there, when he came out, he…”

Cloud’s lunch burns in his stomach. Too much spice for this conversation.

“Maybe he just thought too hard,” he says. 

"It doesn't work like that," Barret says. "Right?"

“I don’t know,” Cloud says. “Caught up in his own head.”

“I’m just saying if he found out stuff about that thing--Jenova--down there, maybe there’s other secrets, too? The other stuff he’s after?” Tifa pulls a face. “Like I said, I don’t want to go back to Neibelheim. I’m the last person that wants to. I’m just--I don’t want to miss something because I’m squeamish.”

"We gotta find a place to go that isn't so tough on everybody," Barret says. "Don't worry, I know, we'll do that _after_ we stop Sephiroth."

"I'd like to go," Aerith says softly.

“I’ve got the map someone on the boat gave me,” says Tifa. She wipes off her fingers one more time and shakes it out, careful not to get it on any sticky parts of the table. “Nibelheim is--was--pretty much due West from here. There’s towns between here and there, so we should be able to stock up and get rest. And actually, it’s not a worse route to get to Cosmo Canyon, because we’d be skipping the, um, big scary desert.”

"Bad idea," Barret says when she's barely finished talking.

Consternation splashes across Tifa’s face. “How is that a bad idea?” she says. “What’s your good idea, Barret?”

"I just--" He pushes back from the table. "There ain't nothing in some of these places. No supplies. Not in North Corel."

“Okay, so we’ll plan around that,” Tifa says frowning. “We don’t have to go to North Corel, or anywhere else. But do you think the mansion isn’t any good?”

“Might be good,” Cloud says. He doesn’t want to go there, but it might.

"I think that's smart," Aerith says. "And we don't have a better idea, Tifa's right."

“I think so too,” says Red.

“So?” says Cloud, nudging Barret.

"Fine," Barret says. "We just gotta skip the shitty towns."

“We can skip the shitty towns,” Cloud says. “But you’re being weird.”

Barret turns red. "Just trust me."

“All right,” Cloud says, shrugging. 

“Let’s get a room,” says Tifa. “You guys wait here. Come on, Barret. I can sweet talk, you can pay.”

“Seems sexist,” mutters Cloud. But he crosses his arms and leans back to make room for Barret to get up.

Barret ignores Cloud's comment, but he touches his wrist and he goes past. Cloud’s got to do something about that, probably. Probably make it happen again, or something, so Barret stops loading all his feelings onto one hand job until they both crack. 

Red hops up onto the bench. 

“Well,” he says, tail swishing. “I don’t think my hackles will go down until I know we aren’t in the same town as Hojo. How about the both of you?”

"He's always worse than I think," Aerith says. "It's easy to be brave when I'm not face-to-face with him."

“Why did you stop me?” Cloud says. He’s staring at the table, but he looks at her instead. “I do worse things all the time. Why couldn’t you let me kill someone who really deserves it?”

"I don't know," Aerith says, chewing her lip. "I think you deserve a chance to do it clear-headed, if you want to do it."

Cloud says, “Okay. My feelings aren’t up to you.” Red’s tail wanders to a halt. Aerith stills.

"And I didn't want him dead," she says. "I still don't."

“Then you’re an idiot,” Cloud says. “You’re not a better person by leaving someone alive who spends his whole life cutting people up and tearing their lives apart.”

“Cloud,” says Red. His paw lands on Cloud’s arm, heavy and rough. “We know what Hojo is. Don’t.”

"He had me until I was _seven_ ," Aerith says flatly. "Seven. I have just as many feelings as you do, Cloud."

Cloud says, “Maybe there’s such a thing as having too much in common.” _Except you don’t,_ whispers the voice. _Because she’s an Ancient, and what you’re made of is something more profound._ He pushes the voice aside--physically, his hand brushing across the table.

"We don't have to agree, but you can't talk to me like that," Aerith says, watching his hand move.

“ _Stop_ ,” barks Red. “You’re my friends. You’re one another’s friends. Please stop.”

It does feel tragic, when Red yells at them for it. Cloud slowly moves his hands under the table and grips them between his knees. “You shouldn’t have used that spell,” he says, less angrily.

"I know," Aerith says after a moment. "Sorry."

Cloud says, “I don’t know what to do except fight. And he--I just--”

“Me too,” says Red. “Even more recently. Although I don’t fight as much. Hojo is very frightening, and on top of that, he doesn’t care about anything but results. He doesn’t see any of us. He makes all of his victims very small.”

Cloud frowns.

Red shuts his eye long-sufferingly. “Not literally small,” he says. 

Aerith gives a startled burst of laughter. "Although--sometimes," she says. She covers her face. "Oh--sorry. What a mess."

Cloud dares to look up at her, and feels suddenly very tired and lost. And just like Red said--small.

“Sorry,” he says. “I don’t want to fight with you.” He puts his hand on Red’s shoulders and tightens his fingers in his fur.

Aerith does the same, her fingers tangling with Cloud's. "I don't want to fight either," she says.

Red says, “If you’re going to do that, please scratch my right side.”

“Oh,” says Cloud. “Sure. Sorry.” He scratches and Red sighs and Cloud looks at Aerith kind of sideways. “So...if we see him again in town?”

"I won't stop you," Aerith says.

Cloud’s hand stills. “Oh,” he says. “Well, I don’t…” He does want to kill Hojo. He wants it very badly. And it could protect other people. But Aerith and Red matter. So he says, “Maybe we could just send a message to Shinra somehow. They can do it. Or we’ll take them all down later.”

"Deal," Aerith says. "If they find out he's helping Sephiroth, we may not even need to do anything."

“Yeah,” Cloud says. “They really don’t like Sephiroth.”

Red says, “I have a compromise.”

"Let's hear it," Aerith says.

“We will contact Shinra,” says Red. “And if we see Hojo before we leave Costa Del Sol, I will bite him very badly.”

Aerith laughs. "That's a perfect compromise," she says.

Cloud says, “Yeah. I like it.”

“Good,” says Red, and hops down. “I’m going to stand over there by the rail and scan the beach. In case it comes up before Tifa and Barret are back.” He saunters off with his tail higher than usual. It’s cute, but definitely a trap.

Aerith eyes Cloud across the table. "How are you doing, anyway? With everything?"

“Obviously I’m handling it great,” says Cloud. “You?”

"Repressing," Aerith says. "Much healthier." She smiles at him.

“Neat,” he says. “So you and Tifa.”

Aerith doesn't blush at all. "Yeah," she says.

“That’s good,” says Cloud. “I hope. I mean, you both seem happy. About it.”

"It's really good," Aerith says. "What about you?" That could mean anything.

He frowns at her, to make her give up more information before she gets him.

"Okay, okay," she says. "Yes, I'm serious about her. Yes, we're hooking up. Yes, it's cute."

“Super cute,” says Cloud. Something about admitting to Barret feels weird, so he doesn’t, yet, just chews his lip. She can see it. He can’t help his face.

Instead she says, "It's okay. You don't have to confess anything if you don't want. I'll give you a break. But I know there's something there."

“It’s not that,” Cloud says. “Just don’t want to jinx anything. Or...settle in.” He doesn’t want to lose anything else.

"I understand," Aerith says with feeling. "Believe me. Let's just leave it there, okay?"

Cloud nods. “Right,” he says. He gets hit with more of that yearning, but he doesn’t pick it up to look more closely. There’s enough to deal with already today.


	27. Tifa

“So,” Tifa says, catching her hands behind herself as she and Barret walk up the street towards the inn, “we’re really committed to this sneaking in the window plan, right?” 

"And I'm still saying I see some flaws," Barret says, but not like he's trying to start a fight. "But if Red and I rent the room…"

“You and I are just fine,” says Tifa. “Red’s good at jumping. Anyway, it’s nice to see you one on one, don’t you think? I know we’ve been together this whole time, but I still miss you.”

Barret slows down a little and looks at her. "You too, huh? I'm right there with you. The others are great and all, but, you know. You're a friend."

Tifa elbows him gently in the arm, and then glances over to look at him fully. “Are you doing okay?” she asks. “With your arm? I think Cloud meant it about getting a replacement, and I do too. Although I think Costa Del Sol maybe isn’t the place.”

Barret is quiet a minute. Then he says, "Yeah. Gotta think about what I want to do. I might not find something quite like the old one."

“There are other ways to fight,” Tifa says. It’s an agreement, if he’d like it to be.

"Might be nice to sometimes _not_ have a gun out," Barret says. "For Marlene." He glowers at Tifa. "But make no mistake, I'm gonna get a fucking huge gun and use it when I need to."

Tifa laughs. “I’m reassured,” she says. “We’ll probably need it. The last few days we’ve been lucky. Or, sort of.” She’s not really sure they’ve come out of this week in good shape, even if good things happened with Aerith.

"Yeah," Barret says. "You okay? The whole Cloud thing? That ain't exactly small, for you."

“It’s not small for Cloud,” she says. “I really hate it, and I feel...complicated. But I’m glad to know what happened, and I’m glad _he_ knows what happened. And I can deal with the rest.”

Barret shrugs. "You can talk to me about it if you want," he says. "Even if me and Cloud are…"

“Oh!” says Tifa, eyes widening in surprise. She laughs. “I’m sorry, I really am in my own head. So--before or after the Bone Village?”

Barret reddens. "After," he says gruffly. "On the ship. It was just once."

“Oh!” says Tifa again, which immediately feels embarrassing. “Oh, even after--? Everything’s...you’re both okay, right? I mean, you’re adults. I just mean, I hope you’re taking care of yourself.” She feels tender, in a couple ways, about Cloud, but Barret she’s got a solid grasp on, and he’ll put himself in harm’s way and refuse to move if it’s for someone he likes.

"It's not anything to get worked up over," Barret mutters. But Tifa is playing back the last day or two in her head. He seems worked up.

“Okay,” she says. “But if it is, you’re still going to be careful, right? With your own feelings? I know you, remember.”

"Don't know what you're talking about," Barret says, stubbornly looking away.

“We’ve all lost a lot,” says Tifa carefully. Then a few things fall into place, or at least close enough for her to ask. “Hey--is that why you want to skip the shitty towns? I know you’re from this part of the world, like me. We talked about it when we first met. No specifics.”

Barret is silent for a minute. Then he must decide he trusts Tifa. "Corel," he says. "It ain't there anymore, depending on the map. Just North Corel."

Tifa’s stomach twists. “We really are the same,” she says quietly. “Doesn’t it seem like something as awful as a whole town disappearing should be impossible?” Although whatever Sephiroth’s planning will probably be worse.

"Yeah," Barret says. "It should. At least you can blame Sephiroth for yours."

Tifa tries to think if she’s ever heard anything about Corel, and she can’t. News didn’t really travel as far as Nibelheim, except about the glory of Shinra or the war against Wutai, or maybe Cloud and the other boys their age wouldn’t have been so excited to run off and get jobs with Shinra in the city. She wishes she had at least a clue, so she could know how to push. 

“Disasters happen in a lot of ways,” she says. “Are you going to tell me yours?”

"I want to stay friends," Barret says. "So no."

“Barret!” says Tifa. She stops in the middle of the road. “Hey!” she says. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but after all we’ve done together, you have to know I won’t just quit on you. And I _know_ you.”

"Sorry," Barret says. "Sorry, yeah, I do know that. Thanks, Tif." He clears his throat. "Fact is, Corel would still be around if I hadn't been fool enough to trust Shinra."

Tifa says, “Well. That really is Shinra in a nutshell, isn’t it.” She spots a bench nearby and goes to sit down before Barret can get away. She knows he’ll follow her. They stick together.

He sits heavily next to her, eyeing her sideways. "Didn't plan on telling anyone this if I could help it," he says, "but it's because of me that Marlene doesn't have a father."

Tifa doesn’t react to that. She just says, gently, “You’re going to have to start saying what happened and not just how it’s your fault, or I won’t believe you.”

"We were coal miners," Barret says quietly. "Me and Marlene's dad and our families, we lived in Corel all our lives. When Shinra came along wanting to put a reactor in, we figured it was a blessing. I fought like hell to get the others to agree. Turns out it was the end of us." He waves his amputated arm.

“There was an accident?” Tifa asks. “Or more like a disaster.”

"The reactor blew," Barret says darkly. "And Shinra burned the whole town. Marlene's mom, my wife...they all died."

“Oh, Barret,” says Tifa in a whisper. “But that isn’t your fault. It’s just not.”

"You don't know!" Barret explodes. "I was a stupid sucker and I got 'em all killed."

“They said yes too, didn’t they?” Tifa shoots back. “You weren’t the only vote in town, were you?”

Barret settles back on the bench. "Guess I was just the only one left to feel bad," he says. "Me and Marlene. She's gonna hate me someday."

“Why would she?” says Tifa. “You’re a survivor. You’re her protector.”

"I killed everyone and stole her," Barret says. He buries his face in his hand. "That's how it feels."

Tifa rests her arm across his back and hugs on. Imagine her not knowing any of this, for so long. Lots of people in the slums had lost family. It wasn’t right to ask anyone how they ended up the way they did, unless they wanted to tell you. Of course she hadn’t asked about Marlene, or Barret’s arm. Still, she wishes that she had. 

“I don’t see it that way,” she says. “No more for you than any of us. I’m the last from Nibelheim, and Aerith’s the last of the Ancients. Red’s the last of...um. Whatever he is. And Cloud lost Zack. At least you managed to bring someone with you. Don’t you think?”

Barret's shoulders are shaking. He doesn't look at her.

“Shinra tricks people,” Tifa says softly. “Most people. They offer a better way of life, and if that doesn’t work, they bring guns. You’re not to blame for that. And even if you were, you’d’ve paid for it by now.”

Barret wipes furiously at his eyes. "Damn it, Tifa," he says. "I'm so lucky I've got you around." His voice comes out choked with misery.

She hugs him more tightly and rests her cheek heavily against his shoulder, her hair draping across his back. 

“You probably know me better than anyone in the world,” she says. “So yeah. Me too.”

"Let's stick together, huh?" Barret says. "Whatever happens with Cloud--and I know it might be nothing--I want you and me to stay friends."

Tifa, without lifting her head, says in outrage, “You don’t think you can get rid of me, do you?”

She can feel Barret's smile in the way his shoulders relax. "Guess you never know till you check."

She bounces a fist off him, very lightly, and laughs. “No,” she says. “But you’re a goose anyway. I love you, and I’m glad we’re together. And we’re going to go home after all this and see Marlene, and fix things up. And who even knows what else.”

"Love you," Barret mutters, sounding a lot more like himself.

Tifa turns her head to give his shoulder a quick little peck, like you would for somebody with a scraped knee. Then she stands up and stretches. “All right,” she says. “Time to get a stupidly expensive room! If it doesn’t cost more than my monthly rent in the slums I’ll give you my best materia.”

"You're on," Barret says, getting to his feet. He even gives her a little smile.

“On the plus side,” says Tifa, “I bet the beds are really nice. Even if we have to fit five to one.”

"Not gonna be awkward at all now," Barret says.

That does stop her for a second. “Oh, I hope they’re getting along now that we’re out of the way.” Then she makes a face. “I’m making all of them sound like kids. That’s not what I mean.”

"You're too damn nice," Barret says. "They sometimes act like kids."

“Well, that’s probably what happens when you get locked in a cell with Hojo messing with you for years at a time,” Tifa says. “And they’re not that old anyway. Not Aerith and Cloud, at least.” She sounds confident, and maybe a little acerbic, but as the words come she feels a surge of horror mixed with guilt. She really needs to have a conversation where she doesn’t gloss everything over. 

"Yeah," Barret says shortly. "Not that young, either."

“No one’s calling you creepy,” says Tifa peaceably. “I just mean that we’ve all gone through things. But maybe some things hit differently.”

"They better start getting along, then," Barret says, "because just like you and I got things in common, there's stuff only those two understand."

Tifa bites her lip. “Hey, you don’t happen to know about…?”

"What?" Barret asks. "You?"

“Me, and, you know. Aerith,” says Tifa. She doesn’t think she’s blushing. She refuses to blush! She looks very steadily at Barret.

Barret looks at the sky. "I might have heard about that," he says.

“I’d love to know what that means,” she says easily. 

"Maybe I overheard you," Barret says, for all the world like that's not it.

She frowns. “Well, did you? It’s fine if you did.”

"I didn't," Barret says. "But maybe someone else did."

“Cloud did?” Tifa says. “Somehow I still really underestimate his poker face. Here’s the inn!”

"Great," Barret says. "What was the plan again? I wave money around, you look cute? Let's do it."

Tifa laughs. “We’re just going to be normal,” she says. “A very normal couple.”

Barret blushes again. "Right, yeah," he says. "I'm sure we add up to that."

Tifa says, “You know it. Come on.” And she pushes open the door.


	28. Red

Red does not find Hojo--unfortunately, or fortunately, because the truth is that Red is afraid of meeting him alone--and he finally goes back to Aerith and Cloud. They’re sitting closer together than when he left. It’s what he wanted, and it kindles a warmth in his belly that helps melt the ice of seeing Hojo before. 

He hops up next to Cloud and says, “I hope they come back soon. Even if the only thing we’ve done all day is eat lunch, I feel ready to sleep for days.”

"Yeah, I'm not used to adventuring," Aerith says. "I've only ever been in Midgar. Well--that I remember."

“I’d rather take a walk,” says Cloud. “Do something. Maybe not a good idea, though.”

“I’m afraid Hojo’s ruined the beach for us,” Red agrees.

"They'll be back soon," Aerith says. "It's already been a while."

“You’re right,” says Cloud, frowning. “Think we should just walk up there?” 

Red imagines the five of them endlessly circling one another around a beach resort that is currently harboring (so to speak) one of their worst personal nightmares. 

“Maybe one person should walk up there,” he says. “Maybe the rest should stay put, so we don’t all get lost.”

"Cloud can go," Aerith says. "He wants a walk."

Cloud immediately gets to his feet and starts up to the road. “Guess you’ll have to trust me!” he calls without looking back, sketching a wave.

“I’m not really worried,” Red says to Aerith.

"I know," Aerith says warmly. "Oh, Red. Are we even going to make it to Sephiroth, at this rate? We're so in our own way."

“Do you think so?” Red says, cocking his head. “I think we’ve done a lot. Gotten free of Shinra, thwarted destiny, freed Cloud’s memories, travelled to three continents, found substantial clues to our next step from Hojo, and I could be wrong but I think everyone is attaching themselves to someone, except for me.”

He stands a little straighter as he says this, because he is truthfully horrified at how it comes across. He isn’t pathetic. He’s not _jealous._

Aerith is silent for a moment. "You do make it sound pretty hopeful," she says finally. "Red…"

“Oh,” says Red. “Don’t let me spoil anything. I know I’m the only one of me. There’s no way out of that, is there? Besides,” he adds, “I don’t find humans very attractive.” That part is true, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t lonely, or doesn’t long.

Aerith smiles. "I guess we can't help that," she says. "I know it's not the same, but I want you to know that you and I will always be attached."

Red lets that sink through his fur, into his skin, deeper and deeper until it sticks. “Thank you,” he says. “I feel the same.”

"Even if we're both the last of our kind, we're two of a kind," she says, and she gives him a quick hug. Red is instinctively wary of touch these days, and he tries, for that reason, to give other people space. But as soon as Aerith’s arms wrap around him he leans in fiercely, pushing his whole weight against her. Aerith had started to let go, but when he leans in, she leans in. She buries her face in his fur and breathes deeply. For once, she doesn't say anything, just holds on. 

Red absorbs it like dry dirt in the rain. _Monsoon season,_ he thinks to himself, and it makes him very homesick, and it feels true. He hopes it’s true. 

"We're going to your home," Aerith says into his fur. "Don't worry, nobody will forget."

“Even then, I’m going to help,” he says. “My home won’t mean anything if Sephiroth destroys everything.”

"I know," Aerith says, sitting back. "I can tell you're in this for the whole of it. But it might be refreshing, to see the place you come from." She sounds a little wistful when she says it.

“And I really do think that they can help,” says Red. “But first--Nibelheim?”

"Yes," Aerith says. "I wonder what we'll find there."

“Trouble,” says Red. “Hopefully other things as well, though.”

"I keep being afraid…" Aerith sighs. "Maybe this makes me sound full of myself, but in my dreams, I was trying to stop Sephiroth when he killed me. I'm afraid that without my death, we won't be able to stop him."

Red considers, holding his shiver inside. “But it doesn’t sound like you succeeded,” he says. “Or at least, you don’t know that you did. I think there’s always more than one way. Where I come from, we read the planet and stars for destiny. But that does not mean the smaller celestial objects cannot change it. Those would be us,” he adds.

"That sounds incredible," Aerith says. "I'm not going to want to leave."

Red’s tail waves, the flame darkening the wood beneath it. “Well, if you like it, you can always come back. Once we save the world.”

Aerith wraps her arms around herself. "Right," she says. "I keep remembering that's an option."

“How long have you had future memories like that?” Red asks.

"Always," Aerith says. "But that one specifically? Years. I only saw that much detail a few months ago, though. You know, seeing Cloud. Seeing what happens to me."

Red asks, “Have you ever told anyone but us?”

"Not about my death, but about the dreams, yes. My mother. Well, both of my mothers. And Hojo knew."

Red can’t help the growl that rises in his throat. “I understand Cloud,” he says. “Although I respect you.” He twitches his skin. “I think I am angrier than before, knowing that he kept so many of us in such successful isolation that we all thought we were alone. For years. Do you think...there are others? Who survived his treatment?”

Aerith hesitates. "Yes," she says. "I think there'd have to be. And honestly...I think Sephiroth is one of them. I don't know if the others want to think of it that way, but Hojo warped him, too. We were in the lab together."

Red shivers. “Oh,” he says. “Oh, I didn’t know that.” He peers at her closely. “You aren’t going to want to kill him, either, are you?”

"No," Aerith says promptly. "I understand that I may not get a say. But even with my dreams about him, I can't imagine wanting to kill someone who's been used by Shinra like that."

“He’s made plenty of his own decisions since then,” says Red. 

"I know," Aerith says. "But to be fair, most of those seem like the result of some sort of psychotic break."

Red doesn’t think that’s much of an excuse, but it’s hard to argue with Aerith, and he doesn’t enjoy it anyway. _Cloud_ is in something like a psychotic break and he’s very nice. Noble, even. 

“Well,” he says. “If you would like any say, I’d probably bring it up sooner rather than later. But also, maybe not today.”

"No," Aerith agrees. "Maybe on the way to Nibelheim. Between traumas."

Red snorts. “When you put it that way, we do sound rather ragtag.”

"But like you said, we're doing pretty well anyway," Aerith says, smiling.

“So we are,” says Red. “Cloud’s coming back.”

Aerith gets up and stretches. "Oh, I hope the beds are nice here. Even if we do have to climb in the window."

Cloud jogs up, looking around them with a little frown.

“You’re not inconspicuous at the best of times,” says Red. 

“Fair enough,” says Cloud. He looks at Aerith, serious, but nothing worse than that. “Hey,” he says. “Tifa and Barret got the room.”

"Great!" Aerith says. "Let's go find out how many of us we can stack up."

Red watches Cloud’s face do the small gymnastics that it does every time he’s embarrassed or caught off guard. 

“Right,” Cloud says. “Uh, the window’s on the ground floor. Come on, I’ll show you guys.”

Aerith buries her hand in Red's mane and makes her way toward the hotel, grabbing Cloud's hand with her free one. Red has very good hearing--on one side, anyway--and at least it’s good enough to catch the small noise Cloud makes when she does. How can such a tiny thing make Red so hungrily wistful and so very reassured at the same time? He lets his cheek bump against Aerith’s leg. There are bad people in the world, and frightening things to come. Even if they quarrel, though, these people are a place of safety. When they are happy, he is warm.


	29. Aerith

Aerith feels both uneasy and hopeful when they set out from Costa Del Sol. The encounter with Hojo--and more than that, her clash with Cloud--have shaken her confidence a little. The hotel was nice, though, and she got to curl up in a bed with Red and Cloud. They all manage to start out in high spirits.

Barret’s good mood quickly evaporates once they’re on the road, and Aerith finds herself making up traveling games to try to keep everybody happy. What she really wants, though, is answers. She feels like they’re all holding a handful of puzzle pieces and nobody can even guess at the full picture.

They’ve been walking for an hour when Barret says, “Anybody need a break?” He keeps wanting to take breaks.

This time, Tifa says, “...yeah. Maybe so.”

It’s not a much better place to stop than anywhere they’ve been before, but the road drops off shallowly into scrub trees and half-unearthed boulders, so there is something like shade and some lumpy places to sit without getting your pants wet.

They figure out the best lumps and settle in, and Cloud takes out one of the water bottles. They pass them around by now--if anyone gets sick in this little group, they’re all gonna. Cloud takes a swig and pours some into Red’s bowl before handing it over to Barret.

“Cool down, old man,” he says.

“Old,” Barret huffs, but without any real rancor. Cloud says, “ _Hm,”_ and bites back a smile.

Aerith takes a stick and prods at the ground. None of the others, she thinks, will push. They’re all going to keep to themselves until they wind up in front of Sephiroth and Shinra and Jenova with no real information.

“So, we should talk,” she says.

Tifa looks at her with warm eyes. “What about?” she says, inviting.

“We should figure out what we know,” Aerith says. “So much has happened, before and after we met each other, and I want to see how far we can get with understanding what we’re up against.”

“Cloud’s good at summaries,” Barret volunteers.

“Really!” Cloud says, sounding disbelieving.

“That’s a good idea,” says Red to Aerith. “But where to start.”

“Midgar,” says Tifa quietly. She glances at Barret, expression pained. “I’m sorry. Aerith’s right. I haven’t wanted to talk about it.”

“It’s hard,” Aerith says. “But it’s important.” For standing a chance against Sephiroth, but also for everyone’s own good. But that’s never a compelling argument.

“Everything from the pillar on is just a nightmare,” Tifa says. She shakes her head. “Except it’s not. Do we--even talk about Shinra? Or just Sephiroth?”

“Shinra is relevant,” says Red, arching a doggy eyebrow. “They’re intertwined. I am very sorry about your friends.” He sounds it.

Barret grunts. “I don’t see what good talking about this is gonna do,” he says.

“We should talk about what we know,” Aerith says. “And what we can piece together about what we don’t know. What do we know about Sephiroth?” She glances at Cloud.

“I don’t know,” says Cloud. He’s pushing at the leaf litter and dirt with the toe of one boot. “He’s a murderer?”

“We know more than that,” Tifa says, like she’d rather not. “That thing he took out of Hojo’s lab. Jenova. The thing in Neibelheim reactor had the same name, didn’t it?”

“Mother,” says Cloud.

Aerith feels a horrible chill and rubs her arms briskly to get rid of it. “What?” she asks.

“That’s what he said when he saw it in Neibelheim,” says Cloud. “It’s the same thing, what was in there. In Midgar. You wouldn’t forget her.”

“That thing,” says Red, “is at the center of every abomination Hojo has done to living beings for years.”

“Yes,” Aerith says quietly. She remembers, even from when she was a little girl. “And before Hojo. Before all of us. My mother said it’s what killed the Cetra.”

Barret starts. “What? That’s not what we saw in that presentation. It was some kind of--”

“Calamity from the skies,” Aerith says. “Jenova.”

“Did he do anything to you, yet?” Cloud asks Red. “Using that thing?” And it’s a good question. They don’t know how long he was trapped in that place.

“I--no. Many things. But not that, I think,” Red says. He shakes his head, ears flapping. “But who knows? Would I know? They don’t tell you much. All I can say is that after beings are infused with _her_ essence, they are not the same. I feel the same.”

Tifa, very gently, says, “Cloud? You?”

He looks up at her with his mako-bright eyes. “I couldn’t cut it as a SOLDIER,” he says.

“So they shot you up with Jenova?” Barret demands. “ _Fuck_. Gonna fucking kill ‘em, that’s all.”

Aerith taps Cloud’s boot gently with a stick. “Can you sense her?” she asks.

“Of course not,” Cloud says reflexively. He winces. “Didn’t think so. I don’t know. She’s with Sephiroth, though. Or--whoever Sephiroth’s using just now. I should’ve been quicker at the Shinra building.”

“Wait,” says Tifa, “what do you mean, using?”

Cloud frowns. “The numbers,” he says. “Didn’t you see?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Barret asks. Even Aerith doesn’t know, this time.

“When we beat that tentacle thing in the Shinra executive suite,” says Cloud. He looks at Tifa with a funny expression. “I’m sorry. I knew there was something about him. Your neighbor Marco.”

“You can’t just say _that_ ,” Tifa says, palefaced.

“When we beat that thing, its body disappeared,” Cloud says. “Jenova’s body was there, before Sephiroth--or whoever--grabbed her. And a human body. Had the number 49 on his arm.”

"What's that mean?" Barret demands. "Tifa's neighbor?"

Aerith moves closer to Red, still feeling cold with dread.

“The guy who lived next to us in Stargazer Heights,” Tifa says almost inaudibly. “Marco. He had that tattoo. Cloud--”

“I attacked him before,” Cloud explains gruffly. “In his apartment. Thought he was Sephiroth. Saw something--guys like him, all walking somewhere.” He frowns. “Like Hojo said. _Reunion._ I guess I wasn’t just delusional like you all worried about.”

"I never thought you were delusional," Aerith says.

"So…" Barret frowns. " Sephiroth is possessing people? Or he's got followers?"

“The Sephiroth I chased onto the roof was one of them too,” says Cloud. “When he jumped, I saw the number.”

"Shit," Barret says. He glances sideways at Red. "Not a number like that?"

Cloud squints at Red as Red shifts uncomfortably. “That’s a number?”

“Uh, yeah,” says Tifa, less critical than distracted. “Thirteen? Don’t you know that from school?”

“Must’ve skipped that week,” says Cloud. “Didn’t look like that, though. But--”

“Maybe they’re all Hojo’s,” says Red grimly. “Maybe he hasn’t been on Shinra’s side in longer than we thought.”

"The only thing he cares about is Sephiroth," Aerith says, leaning against Red. "He doesn't even care about the Ancients or the Promised Land anymore. When he had me in the lab...Sephiroth was the only thing he was thinking about."

"Guess we should've killed him," Barret says.

“Kinda agree on that one,” Cloud says.

“So Sephiroth on the bridge,” Tifa says. “He was one of them, too? He has...a disposable army? He can jump from body to body and we haven’t even touched him?”

“That seems very likely,” says Red.

"So what do we do?" Aerith asks. She feels like she should know, but it turns out she knew less than any of them.

“Find the real thing?” suggests Cloud. “Before--what he wants.”

“That meteor in the projection room, and again on the bridge. We all saw that, right?” Tifa asks. 

"That's gotta be something," Barret says. He turns to Aerith. "Calamity from the skies? Like mother, like son, I guess."

"I guess," Aerith echos unhappily.

Red says, “Cloud? What is it?” 

Cloud is standing up, turning from them with his arms crossed. 

Barret half stands, then freezes like he's not sure what to do.

"Cloud?" Aerith says.

“It’s me,” he says. “Hojo’s intentions. And Sephiroth’s. I’m not sure I should be here.”

"Well, you ain't going nowhere!" Barret snaps.

"He's right," Aerith says. "If that's true, that means we need to protect you."

“If I’m one of them, Sephiroth can use me to hurt you,” Cloud says.

“You don’t have the tattoo,” says Tifa. “You’re not--like that.”

“Close enough,” says Cloud. “Maybe worse. And he’s paying a lot more attention to me than I’d like.”

“The Bone Village,” Red says.

“Not just that,” says Cloud.

"What do you mean, not just that?" Barret asks. "You mean you saw him other times?"

“Stargazer Heights, remember?” Cloud says. “But yeah, lots of times. And--on the bridge. Did any of you go somewhere...else?”

"Besides the bridge?" Aerith asks, confused. "I mean, we were fighting through all that rubble, I guess."

Cloud scrubs a hand against his hair and looks at her, worried and maybe a little forlorn, and definitely gearing up to get stubborn. 

“I went to outer space?” he says.

"What?" Barret and Aerith say together.

"You went to _space_?" Barret says. "When? No you didn't!"

“With Sephiroth,” says Cloud very seriously, and then looks practically hysterical when he hears himself. Aerith watches him turn bright red. “It’s not like it sounds.”

“How do you think it sounds?” says Tifa.

"It doesn't sound right, that's for damn sure!" Barret says.

"Well, everyone, calm down," Aerith says. "He took you somewhere? What happened?"

“Shut up!” Cloud says to Barret, then, “No! I mean--I don’t know. It was quiet.This dark place. Rock and the night sky, except I didn’t know any of the stars. He was...he said a lot of stupid bullshit. I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking about it ‘til now.”

"You just...moved on from it?" Aerith says carefully. "Oh, Cloud. You really are...you."

“Hn,” Cloud says. She can tell he’s too aware of the way they’re all looking at him now.

“I understand,” says Red. “No one thing seems remarkable in the midst of all this.”

“Right,” Cloud says uncomfortably, but Aerith can feel him. She knows him. Something about this is different, and that’s why he’s been avoiding it, deliberate or not.

"Well…" Barret seems a loss. "Anything else we should know?"

“No idea,” says Cloud.

“But you’re worried...because you’re a target, or because you’re a trap?” Tifa says.

“He doesn’t want me to die,” says Cloud. He shakes his head, like he can’t offer more.

"He's obsessed with you," Barret says sullenly. "Can't say I love that."

"Doesn't want you to die because he cares about you, or because he needs something from you?" Aerith asks. If Sephiroth even knows.

“I don’t know,” Cloud snaps. He looks sick, though. All tangled up. 

"Doesn't matter," Barret says. "Doesn't change anything. He can want what he wants, he ain't gonna get it."

Aerith feels, doesn’t hear, the slightest rumble under her palm. Red, growling. They’re the same, she thinks. They’re reacting to Cloud the same way. Things have happened to them that Aerith is suddenly very sure have never happened to Tifa or Barret. She and Red--they know this kind of fear from deep inside it.

"Well," she says lightly, although she doesn't feel light, "We're all here together no matter what. So when he comes for any of us, we'll have that." She can't be confident that they'll win. Haven't always. But Cloud isn't by himself anymore.

Cloud looks at her. “What if he comes from me, like the number guys?” he says. “You all gonna set up a watch every night? Keep me locked up? Let me kill you?”

"No," Aerith says. "I'm not afraid of you. And I don't think you're like that. Why not be afraid of me? Or Red? Hojo had us, too. But I think we're all going to be just fine."

He doesn’t believe her, that’s obvious. But he cuts his eyes away from her and says, “Huh. Have it your way, I guess. So...the black materia Hojo was talking about--that must have something to do with all of it. I never heard of it.”

Tifa casts a worried glance at Aerith, but says more firmly, “Me either. But it’s a bad sign that Hojo is so sure about it, and has all those people brainwashed that way. It seems like maybe he’s been planning for this the whole time we thought Sephiroth was dead.”

“And so it seems that Neibelheim and Cosmo Canyon remain the truest course,” says Red. His tail switches back and forth. He doesn’t growl anymore, but Aerith can feel the small jumps of his muscles.

“Right,” says Cloud. He bends to scoop the water bottle up and spins the lid tight. “Then I guess we better get going.” He slings his sword onto his back and books it back up to the road, not looking back at anybody. Red stills, makes a small snort, and then surges up from under Aerith’s hand. A second later, there’s an _oof_ , and a thud, and a yelp. By the time Aerith turns around, Cloud is flat on his back in the road, Red standing heavily on his chest.

“Watch it,” Cloud wheezes, struggling.

"Red," Aerith says, through anxious laughter.

"Guess he told you," Barret says, catching up to Cloud and Red.

“Get off,” wheezes Cloud. “Red, c’mon, you’re heavy!”

“My dear,” says Red implacably, kindly, “I know you are tired. There is so much. And wherever you came from, you didn’t start off in the lab in Midgar. I know you need rest, and there isn’t any rest.”

“I’m fine, shit!” says Cloud, red-faced.

“In the next town,” says Red, “we’ll get you a room alone, if you would like. No one likes to work through everything in their heart when they’re being watched all the time.”

“I don’t need to work through--”

“--but I won’t let you run away, either,” says Red.

“I’m not running _away_ ,” Cloud says, aggrieved, and Red steps off him, looking satisfied. Cloud lies exactly where he’s been left and looks--stunned, more like. Tifa, putting a warm hand on Aerith’s shoulder, peers down at him and offers the other in help.

“Need a hand, champ?” she asks, almost laughing. 

“Shut up!” Cloud says, and she does laugh, pulling him up.


	30. Barret

Barret has a sinking feeling. They've been traveling for several days since Costa Del Sol, and they're lost. Trouble is, he mostly stayed in Corel when he grew up, and then he went straight to Midgar. He didn't spend a lot of time learning about all the little towns in between. Since the ferry across the big river, they've found a couple of places with no decent supplies. They’ve spent the last day with mountains slowly hemming them in, and now they're in a patch of rocky, rubbley terrain that's starting to look all too familiar. And they're low on water.

All this puts Barret in a pretty shitty mood. His arm's bothering him, and his feet, and he just wants to scream. But everyone here is so damn sensitive he can't scream _at_ them.

The other four are playing some kind of game behind him (nobody remembered one, but they’ve been making things up), but Red trots up to Barret’s side and says, “I smell people.”

"God damn it," Barret says. No matter what Tifa said--and it landed, some of it--he can't imagine facing people here. It's not Corel, anyway. It's just what's been pushed out of it and survived.

Red looks curiously at him. “We could use supplies,” he says. “You know so. Is this...the town you didn’t want to go to?”

"Yeah," Barret says shortly. They're all gonna recognize him. They're all gonna hate him.

Red says, “Would you like to hide behind a rock while we go look for water?”

"A rock?" Barret is so outraged it's almost funny. Hard to be mad at Red. "You calling me a coward? No, I can take whatever they got to say." Can he, though?

“Well then,” says Red. “I don’t know what you think they’ll say, but the four of us can back you up. We’re your friends. My theory that is everyone is taking turns sorting themselves out.” He looks kind of hopeful, saying that.

"Then you're gonna get real fucked up in Cosmo Canyon," Barret says. He can't imagine it, though. Red's got his shit together.

Red shambles next to him and says, “Well. You never know how people will feel. When you come back after awhile.”

Barret knows. He knows exactly how they feel in North Corel. "Yeah," he says. "Well, you're likeable. Smart, and nice. They should be happy to have you back."

“I was not nice when I left,” says Red. “But never mind. How can we help? Is there someone we should look for?”

"Nobody particular," Barret says. "It's tiny. Just refugees."

“How long since you left?” asks Red. 

"'Bout four years," Barret says. "Marlene was a baby." He doesn't want to think about this. He doesn't want to do it.

“You didn’t kidnap her, did you?” Red says, startled.

"Shit!" Barret says. He glowers at Red. "No, I didn't!" It feels that way though. A lot of days, it feels that way. "Everyone got killed, including her parents. Only people who lived were the handful who made it out north. Where we're going."

Red’s tail flame sizzles into a small hot point, nothing bigger than a lit match.

“I didn’t realize,” he says. Barret should have known Tifa wouldn’t spread gossip, but it almost would have been helpful if she did. 

"Yeah," Barret says. "I don't talk about it much. Fucking Shinra, you know?"

Red’s hackles rise. “Destroyers,” he says. 

"They suckered us," Barret says, trying on the story for size. "And then they slaughtered us."

“That does not sound like it is your fault,” says Red. “And so?”

"They think it is," Barret says. "I think it is." He clears his throat. This better get easier with every telling. "They listened to me. I trusted Shinra. I lost everything, and most people lost more than that."

“I see,” says Red. “Well then. Once again. What can we do? At the least you should probably tell the others where we’re about to go.”

Barret groans. "Fuck! Can't you just tell 'em? You and Tifa?" He doesn't really want to look at Cloud, who's probably less forgiving than the others, and say everything he's already said.

“If you’re sure,” says Red, furrowing his furry brows. “I’ll ask Tifa.”

And now he feels like a coward. "No, I got it!" He raises his voice. "Okay, everyone! We're coming up on North Corel, where everyone hates my guts, so how bad do we need supplies?"

The game behind them, which seems like it involves making Tifa blush as red as a lobster, sputters out. 

“This is North Corel?” she asks.

“What’s that?” says Cloud.

“Um, like Barret says,” Tifa answers. “Or, maybe.” She looks worriedly at Barret.

“We need supplies pretty badly,” says Cloud.

"Then we're stopping here," Barret says, glaring at Cloud. "Just don't be shocked if they try to run me out of town." Tifa and Red have been great about it, but Barret can't tell how Cloud's going to be. And he's not looking forward to ruining the good thing they've got going. They still haven't really talked about it, but they have kept sleeping together. That counts for something, right?

“Well, let’s try to get water first,” says Cloud. 

Barret laughs unhappily. "Right."

"Why do they hate you?" Aerith asks. Trust her not to leave it alone.

"I'm sure they'll tell you all about it," Barret says.

“Bet Tifa could tell you, too,” says Cloud. “What is it, this way? Come on.” 

"It's not really a town," Barret says. "Bet they don't even have any water." Which is bullshit, but it makes him feel better.

They come up on North Corel fast. There's nothing, then there's the settlement. It's depressing as hell. Just a handful of tents and temporary structures, even after several years.

Tifa says quietly, “They didn’t even pay for rebuilding? It was their _fault_.”

Cloud looks at her, and she says, “Shinra.”

“Right,” says Cloud. “Who else.”

"They wanted us dead," Barret says. "Blamed us for shit we didn't do." He really doesn't want to say more. But the way the others are looking at him really sucks.

“They strong-armed the town into letting them build a reactor in Corel,” Tifa says. “And then the reactor exploded. And this is what’s left?”

“But--” says Cloud.

“Let’s go,” says Red. “If we don’t want to overstay our welcome we should move along with what we do want.”

"There's more to the story than that," Barret says. "But that hits all the points that matter. Red's right. Let's do this."

He sees Cloud roll his eyes, but there’s no follow-up hounding. They walk up into the settlement in a group. Barret knows he stands out, though, for any number of reasons. 

"Hey, we've got your back," Aerith says, surprising him. They don't talk much, usually, but she's walking by his side, chin out, looking ready to fight anyone.

"'Preciate it," Barret mutters. He wishes he were about ten times smaller and could just hop in her pocket or something.

“We staying the night?” Cloud asks over his shoulder.

"If they'll let us," Barret says. "If nothing else works out, y'all can stay in town and I'll find somewhere else." He's getting used to sleeping with the others close by, though. Sleeping by himself out in the open isn't gonna be great.

“You sure are optimistic,” says Cloud. 

“Have you been here before?” Tifa asks. “I mean, do you know where we should look? Or do you just know familiar faces?”

“It looks like there are some stalls set up in the road up ahead,” says Red.

Barret finds himself walking more and more slowly.

Aerith, however, speeds up. She dashes a few dozen yards ahead of them and over to the first stall. "Hi!" she says. "We're new in town!"

“Oh!” says the man behind the table. “I see. That doesn’t happen a lot.” He glances back at the group, to unfortunately see who _we_ is.

Barret hunches his shoulders. He wishes he had his damn gun back.

"Hello," Aerith says, waving a hand in front of the man's face. Closer up, Barret recognizes him as a miner from his old town. Can't recall his name, though.

“Well, hi,” says the man. “Is there something you’re looking for in North Corel?” He says it like an old, bad joke, but maybe the bitterness is in Barret’s head. “Sorry, you’ll be heading to the Gold Saucer, I’m sure.”

“The what?” says Cloud.

“Better keep it that way,” says the man.

"We mostly want a place to stay, and some supplies," Aerith says. "We're just passing through." Barret can't decide whether or not to take off his sunglasses.

The vendor looks them over again, and says, “We don’t have the fanciest places, but you could probably get a bite from the folks up the hill with a few gil and an introduction. And up there’s a place with a couple extra rooms. Their kids left for greener pastures--oh, hell, for any pastures--as soon as they was old enough. And there were six of ‘em. So the family spots folks needing a place to sleep. For a few gil.”

"We've got gil," Aerith says brightly.

"Ev," Barret says, remembering the miner's name.

The vendor--and Barret knows he’s got it right--looks at him with a jerk of his chin.

“Hey, I know you,” he says. “I should have known you before. Not like you don’t stick out. That’s old age for you. Barret Wallace. What are you doing, walking up into North Corel like a stranger?”

"Wasn't sure I'd be welcome," Barret says. His people are straightforward and it won't help to pretend the situation's something it ain't.

“You were one of the guys who tried to protect the reactor, right?” says Ev. “Pretty sure everyone thought you were dead.”

"Maybe I should've left it that way," Barret says. He's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Hey,” says Ev. “If after that all happened you needed to split, I don’t think many people here would blame you. We all lost a lot. Everybody reacts different.”

Barret can't believe he's hearing this. "I invited those monsters in," he says. "I was kissing Shinra's ass back then. Without me, there might not've been a reactor."

“I don’t know much about that,” Ev says. “I voted yes, though. I don’t know. It’s not Shinra’s fault someone decided to blow it up, and it’s not our fault Shinra can’t be trusted. You do your best with what you’ve got. There’s angrier people than me in town, maybe, but I’m the one that’s asking. You see anyone else from around here while you were out in the world?”

"No," Barret says. He feels sick. He doesn't deserve this. "Well, yeah. I've got little Marlene. Dyne's kid." He hasn't said that name in years.

“What?” says Ev, shooting up from his seat. “All right, you shouldn’t’ve left without saying that! I can’t believe it. All right, that’s it. I close up shop in a half hour or so. You go up there to that big house on the first plateau--they’ll feed you, like I said. I’ll come up when I’m finished and get you to who you need. It’s good to have you in North Corel, Barret Wallace! That baby Marlene!”

For once in his life, Barret is speechless. He feels weak at the knees, and he grabs Aerith's shoulder to make the world stop spinning. She doesn't flinch or buckle. She stays with him as they start toward the house Ev pointed out. "You're like a celebrity," she says quietly.

"Just didn't know," Barret mutters. He hadn't thought it could be okay, coming back here.

“No such thing as a perfect homecoming, right?” says Cloud.

"Feel stupid making such a fuss," Barret mutters. The vowels in his speech slide back toward Corel vowels.

“Better to be wrong,” says Cloud. “Right?”

“"Yeah," Barret says. "Goddamn. And looks like we'll have a place to spend the night." He's gonna have to watch it with Cloud. The people of North Corel might not all hate him, but there are some things they're not too fond of.

“Every day I like to imagine what that’ll be like,” says Tifa. “What if we had rooms? More than one?” She sounds suspiciously wistful. 

"Be nice if we had four or five," Barret says. "People here are gonna look at you sideways if you act any type of way."

Tifa says, “ _What_ kind of a way?” in a voice that means trouble.

"Better not to hold hands in town," Barret says.

Tifa flushes angrily and her eyes flash. “Oh, really? I guess I remember what I didn’t like about the middle of nowhere,” she says. 

"It ain't like that," Barret tells Tifa. "And it ain't everybody. But these are, you know...working people. They don't leave town a lot." He isn't even gonna _begin_ to tell them how he fits into that.

"I'm not worried," Aerith says brightly.

“Aerith,” says Cloud uneasily.

“You’re okay with that now?” Tifa says, but Barret doesn’t see how he responds, because Red is waving his tail in Barret’s field of vision.

“How do you think they’ll feel about me?” Red asks.

"They're bound to be curious," Barret says. "I don't think they'll have too much of a problem, though. Hard to tell, though. I'm not making great calls on that."

“I have an idea,” says Tifa. She still sounds dangerously pissed off. “Barret, you be my husband, and Cloud can be Aerith’s. Red can be a solo agent, I guess.”

“Tifa, come on,” says Cloud.

"Can't we all just keep our business our business?" Barret says, before wishing he hadn't.

"Sure!" Aerith says, and too late Barret recognizes her chipperness as anger, too. "In fact, just to be safe, why don't we all go sleep in the weeds?"

“It’s not a big deal,” says Cloud.

"It is a big deal," Aerith says.

"Look, maybe it's nothing," Barret says. "Can't we just keep our heads down like we have been everywhere else?" They have, right?

“Sure,” says Tifa. “Hang on, there’s gotta be someone around here we can loudly threaten. Maybe wave a big weapon at them?”

Cloud takes an audible breath.

"I wasn't looking to make it a big thing," Barret says. "I just wanted to give you a heads-up." And to be fair, he wants them to keep on getting a warm reception here.

“Can we just get a drink of water and something to eat and let Barret have a minute?” Cloud says. “Come on.”

"Well…okay," Aerith relents. She's always kind of willing to go with the flow. "Tifa?"

She looks ready to fight, but she says, “Fine. For you. But there’s stuff I won’t put up with.”

"I won't let anyone give you shit," Barret says. "If anyone said anything, I'd stand up for you. But there's no reason to look for a fight."

“Yeah,” says Tifa. “Sorry. I guess I just haven’t really had to...do that before.”

“Doesn’t change you any,” says Cloud. They reach the house, and Cloud knocks.

A woman opens the door. "Let me guess," she says. "More lost travelers?"

“Huh?” says Cloud, hand still raised. “You get a lot?”

"Yes," she says, "but I can't say they ever stay long, once they see the town. I'm Mia. If you want a bite to eat, come on in."

One thing Barret forgot about Corel, between all the guilt and grief, is how goddamn friendly everyone is. That was part of the problem. They were friendly to the wrong people.

“Yeah,” Cloud says. “Thanks. We’ve been on the road for awhile.” He glances back at Barret, and steps inside, Red padding in beside him.

It's not until they're all inside that Mia says, "Barret? Holy shit."

Barret doesn't recognize her, but probably more people in town know him than he knows. "Uh," he says.

"Sorry, we've never met," Mia says. "But I used to work with Myrna. I saw your picture a dozen times."

Barret stands in the doorway, frozen.

Tifa says, “Barret?” But she knows Myrna’s name. He hasn’t kept that so close to the chest that _Tifa_ doesn’t know.

Into the endless silence, Mia says, "Sorry. I'm sorry about her."

"I gotta go," Barret says, and he turns right around and takes himself outside. He's breathing too fast. He doesn't want Cloud to know. He doesn't want this to be happening at all.

Of course somebody comes out after him, but it’s Tifa, thank goodness, Tifa and nobody else.

“Hey,” she says. “Hey, I’m catching up. Barret, it’s all right. It’s going to be all right.” She catches his short arm, because that’s the closer one, and isn’t that just about right?

"Fuck," Barret says. His throat's tight, and he's not gonna be able to keep from crying, huh? "Fuck, I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to hear her name." 

Tifa leans against his back, both arms suddenly wrapped around him. 

“I know,” she says. “I’m sorry. You never talk about anyone from here. When you talk about Myrna, she sounds...really hard to lose.”

All the feelings of the past few days--the past few years--come surging up, and Barret is fucking weeping, shoulders shaking so hard he thinks he'll be sick. None of this feels like it's really happening. Tifa makes her way to the front of him, never letting her hands leave him. She hugs him tightly and doesn’t tell him it’s all right a second time. She does eventually say, “Do you want to leave? Do you want to walk away right now? We can come back in awhile, or I can come get the others in the morning.”

Barret takes a shaky breath. Still can't talk. Takes another. "No," he says finally. His voice sounds like shit. "I want to go back in there and I want to sleep in this town." They want him here. He's gonna do this right.

“All right. I like that,” Tifa says. She backs off just enough that she can see him better, her hands still on his arms. “Take those sunglasses off,” she says. “They all want to see you, right? Anyway, they’re all covered in salt now.”

Barret shakes his head. He doesn't know how to get out how much it means to him that Tifa came after him and held him. "You're quite a girl, Tif," he manages.

“You’re my friend, and I love you,” says Tifa. “We’ve been through a lot together. We’re going to get through a good night’s sleep. And--I’m sorry about how I was before. I mean, I’m right, but I know _you’re_ not trying to hurt me.”

Barret swipes his hand across his face. "I didn't mean to say I don't want you to be you," he says. "You're just--gutsy."

“You bet I am,” says Tifa. “You ready to go back? We can walk around a little, but I bet someone else will recognize you. You’re famous!”

"Better go back," Barret says quickly. "Uh, so they don't worry." He doesn't want to talk to anyone else for the rest of his life if he can help it. But at least he knows there's always someone who'll go after him. He lets Tifa keep holding onto his arm and he walks back to the house with his head held high.

When they come in, everyone else is sitting at the big old table in the front room, answering questions from Mia as she bangs around on the stove. Cloud is watching the door already when Barret swings it open. He meets Barret’s eyes, gives a little smile, and then looks back at Aerith, who’s nudging him about something.

Maybe Cloud's not going to be weird after all. Barret makes space for himself at the table, nods to Mia, and takes his sunglasses back from Tifa. He sticks them in his pocket and says, "Sorry 'bout that. What'd I miss?"

Red says, “The usual delight of meeting me, Red XIII.”

There’s a kind of cheerful yell from the stove, so it seems like that’s in earnest.

"You ever pretend like you can't talk, so people leave you be?" Barret asks.

Red says, “It’s never come up. I was home, and then I was with Hojo. And he figured it out quickly enough.”

"Sorry," Barret says. He ruffles Red's mane. "Man, I'm beat." He is, he realizes. The walking has been taking it out of him, no matter what great shape he's in.

“Mia says someone’ll be home up the hill whenever we head that way,” says Cloud, and Barret has to blink, because something about his voice is different, and Barret doesn’t know what.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good. After dinner, then." He's suddenly desperate for a minute alone with Cloud, and he doesn't know when he'll get that.

“That’s coming up!” says Mia. “A little early for me as well, and dad and the kids are out hunting in the valley--there’s _no_ damned trade up here lately, it’s an absolute shame--but I’ll eat with you, if that’s all right. Come on, get your plates!”

He's used to the gymnastics of filling a plate one-handed, but it's always harder in front of new people. He drops a fork and swears under his breath. If he were feeling any better, he’d see it’s funny as hell to watch Cloud, Red and Aerith line up for dinner like good little children, and cheer up a little. He kind of does anyway.

Mia says, “Sorry, not much space to work with. Although we’re lucky to have this much kitchen for five, don’t you think?”

"It's a great place," Barret says, flustered. "Thanks for feeding us."

He lets the others chatter around him as he mostly eats in silence. He's trying to fit this town into his mental picture he's been carrying around all these years. Maybe everything hasn't totally gone to shit after all. He ends up falling half asleep with his elbow on the table, chin in hand. He thinks he’s been there awhile, and he thinks it’s Tifa who wakes him up. But the murmuring voice behind him and the hand on his back isn’t Tifa’s, it’s Cloud’s. 

“Hey,” Cloud is saying. “Get up. We’re going up. Or, want to ask if there’s coffee first? It’s only sundown. But hey, go to sleep if you want.” Barret, blinking himself awake, figures it out. Somewhere between the town line and here, Cloud’s accent has shifted. Not much. But the syllables roll over one another more. There’s something in the vowels. 

"Nah," he says, "I'm good." He keeps watching Cloud.

“Come on, then,” Cloud says. They all scrape back in their chairs and get to their feet, hug Mia thank you and head for the door. 

Mia says, “It’s so good to see you, Barret. All of you take care, whatever you’re doing. And stop by for breakfast to carry with you if you’re leaving tomorrow.”

"Thanks, we will," Barret says. He still feels completely bewildered. How often has he expected a good thing and gotten something bad? The reverse feels impossible. As he and the others walk up the hill, it almost feels good to be here.

The sun is just dipping lower. Sunset comes early between the mountains. Aerith and Red are playing, all the way up the hills. Tifa and Cloud are talking about something. It could be Barret, but he can’t tell. 

Barret drifts between them, all the way the way up the hill. When they get to the right house, he's prepared for anything. This time he walks to the door before any of them and knocks, shoulders squared. He's not afraid anymore. Mostly just tired out.

A man comes to the door after a wait, and says, before it’s even open, “Barret Wallace and company? Ev told me you was coming.”

“That’s us,” says Cloud. “Or, not me. But him.”

"Everybody's got my damn name on their lips," Barret mutters. "Listen, thanks for this."

“Not a worry,” says the man.

“There’s five of us,” says Tifa, and while the man frowns and looks at four people and a dog, she adds, “how many rooms do you have?”

“Two,” says the man with pleasure. “If you’d like them both, I don’t think there’s anyone else coming tonight.”

"We'd be so grateful!" Aerith says with excitement. "Don't worry, we're used to doubling up. That just comes of traveling. I can share with Tifa."

Barret is both anxious and relieved at the idea of being potentially alone with Cloud.

“Dog can come in too,” says the man. “We used to have three dogs at a time, all the time. Probably time for that again, with the kids all gone. Makes a house feel better.” He opens the door widely so they can all come inside.

"Maybe he could stay in our room," Aerith says, scrubbing the flat of Red's nose with the heel of her hand.

Red makes an agreeable noise.

“Where do we go?” says Cloud, with his usual great stranger-manners.

"And thanks again," Barret says, heading for the room the man points out. He dumps his bag on the ground and stretches. He really wishes he had a room to himself. He might cry again.

Cloud shuts the door behind him and takes his sword off his back. He lays it down gently against the crumbling wall, and then stands with a sigh of relief. There are three beds jammed into this space, neatly made with worn blankets and flat pillows. It smells clean here. Cloud drops to sitting on the edge of a bed and starts shucking gloves and boots. 

Barret does the same, and when he does start crying halfway through, he keeps it quiet, and he doesn't look at Cloud.

“You want help?” says Cloud. And then quickly, “Sorry. I know you don’t need help.”

"Uh, yeah, no, help's good," Barret says, and his voice is so fucking obviously the voice of someone who's crying.

“Hey,” says Cloud, sounding alarmed. Which of course he is. Cloud crosses to Barret in his sock feet and crouches down like he’s about to tug on Barret’s boot. He looks up first, though, bright, worried eyes and everything. “Like this?” he asks.

"Yeah," Barret says. "Fuck, sorry. Sorry about this." He was already probably pathetically clingy with Cloud, and now he's absolutely fucked that shit up.

“It’s okay,” says Cloud, and gives Barret’s boot a little left-right-left- _tug_ and it comes right off. Cloud tosses it and the other one aside, not too gentle, and says, “Okay. Anything else?”

"Uh," Barret says. "No. Just gonna get some rest." Cloud is way too practical and pretty and just plain great. Barret feels like he's making a fool of himself.

“I mean are you comfortable?” Cloud says, gesturing at the rest of Barret’s clothes. “Are you--you’re not gonna talk to me?”

Barret takes a breath, which doesn't come out shaky at all. Good sign. "No, yeah, I will. I can. 'Bout what?" He shrugs off his vest with no help. He's been doing this a long time.

Cloud gives him that familiar glower, which Barret thinks is sometimes a glower and sometimes just Cloud buying a minute to think things through. In this case, maybe both.

“Myrna,” Cloud says finally. “Who’s she?”

Barret's stomach drops. "My wife," he says. "She was my wife. She's been gone four years now."

He can’t read Cloud’s expression, which is a little terrifying. 

Cloud says, “‘m sorry. That does make it hard to come back.”

"If that makes things weird…" Barret says. If it makes things weird, what? He can't take back the past, and he wouldn't want to. And he doesn't even know if Cloud wanted to keep hooking up long-term.

“What weird?” Cloud says. “You having a life? I already know you have feelings.” He says that like it’s deeply troubling, but unavoidable.

"Ha, yeah," Barret says. "Well, I guess you know now." It seems kind of stupid that he was worried, maybe.

“Didn’t know she was a secret,” Cloud says. “Bet she was nice, though. Putting up with your noise.”

"You don't know how loud she was!" Barret says. Instead of the two halves of his life smashing together, it just feels like they're expanding into each other. Like it's out. He lies back on the bed. Cloud crosses his arms along the edge of the bed and drops his chin to rest there. 

“Yeah?” he says. Barret can feel him watching.

"Yeah," he says, to the ceiling. "Especially her laugh. She was dynamite. And I miss the hell out of her. So if I've been coming off a little too needy, that's probably why."

“If I’ve been coming off a little cold, that’s probably ‘cause of my bad personality,” says Cloud. 

Barret chokes, trying to react to that. "Fuck you, I love your personality," he says. "Come here and help me sleep."

“Hang on a minute,” says Cloud. He takes off a few more layers and puts on those stupidly cute pajamas they all stole from the bone people, then scrubs his face and brushes his teeth at the basin against the wall. When he notices Barret watching him, he says, “Tifa said a routine is good, so I’m doing a routine.”

"Tifa's a fucking gem," Barret says.

“Yeah,” Cloud says. “Way too cool for me, when we were kids.”

Even though they've found out some pretty big stuff about Cloud, Barret feels like he's shared a whole lot more history than Cloud has. "Yeah? I can imagine that. Bet she didn't think so, though."

“Maybe not,” says Cloud. “She was always a good person. Generous. Part of why I liked her so much.”

"Really glad she found you lying around, then," Barret says.

“Yeah,” says Cloud. He comes a little closer. “Guess I always got myself into trouble.”

"Guess you are trouble," Barret says. He reaches out and grabs Cloud by the hip. He doesn't know yet if he wants to fuck just now, but he wants his hand on him, anyway. "Now you got a whole squad protecting you from yourself," he says.

“Asshole,” says Cloud, frowning slightly. Barret doesn’t think he’s mad. 

"Come to bed," Barret says. "I mean--fucking come sleep next to me."

Cloud smiles wryly. “You don’t think they’ll come in and lecture us about sin or whatever?”

"Then they should have given us more rooms," Barret says. "Anyway, worst they'd probably really do is look at us sideways." These are good people, he reminds himself.

Cloud says, “Got it. You’re scared. Move over.”

"Who's the asshole now?" Barret mutters, but he moves right over. Cloud's a good person, too. He's being so fucking sweet.

Cloud climbs in, under the soft old quilt, and lies facing Barret with one arm tucked under his head.

"Gonna just stare at me, huh?" Barret says. Now that he's woken himself up with the walk up the hill, he's too full of adrenaline to think about sleep.

“Yup,” says Cloud. “Hey, don’t wake up. I can feel you twitching.”

"Sorry." Barret shuts his eyes. "Just gotta--slow my heart down. Just you wait, it's gonna be like this in your town, too."

Cloud brushes past that and says, “Well, do you wanna...?”

"Uh," Barret says. "Yeah?" He's not sure. He wants someone else making the calls for once.

“Weird?” says Cloud. “Sorry. It’s weird.”

"No," Barret says, "Nah, it's good. You're good. Really glad you're here." Everything he says to Cloud feels like too much.

Cloud leans in, less than an inch, but Barret can feel the difference in the body heat trapped between them. Cloud says, “So no hookup. Sorry. What about--? In Reactor Five, you and Tifa were talking about Marlene. How you tell her stories.”

Barret feels himself flush. "Yeah, so?" Marlene usually needs at least two stories to fall asleep, so Barret's gotten damn good at thinking them up.

“With all the voices,” says Cloud. 

"Yeah…" Barret says slowly.

“So do it,” says Cloud. “Tell me a story.”

"You've got to be kidding me!" Barret says. "You five years old?" But he's already thinking one up.

“Shut up,” says Cloud. “I like ‘em. Stories.”

"Then settle in," Barret says, "because I'm damn good at this." He puts his shorter arm around Cloud and hauls him close, just like he would with a kid. Cloud makes a little noise, of surprise or protest, but then he rolls so his head rests on Barret’s chest, the rest of him pressed in close. It makes Barret feel a way, because the last couple times they’ve shared a bed, Cloud has done that in his sleep. He’s never done it awake before now.

"Okay," Barret says. "Don't laugh. 'Cept at the funny parts." He settles Cloud against his chest more comfortably and clears his throat. "Once upon a time, there was a chocobo. Her name was Sammi the Chocobo, and she was bright green with black stripes. Real special kind of chocobo. And 'cause of that, she could do one thing no other chocobo could: she could fly." He pauses to see if Cloud's gonna stop him.

Cloud says, sternly, “Say more.”

"Right, so," Barret says. "It was pretty peaceful up there. Not too many other things flying around. Some Shinra ships, maybe. Couple monsters. So it got pretty lonely for Sammi. She used to make up little songs and sing 'em to herself, just to pass the time." He improvises a tune. " _I'm a flying chocobo, the only flying chocobo, and I fly around, wherever I can go._ Shit like that."

He hears a stifled noise from below.

He gives Cloud a squeeze. " _Anyway_. So she got lonely. But there was somebody else up there, too. This moogle, named Daisy. Daisy could fly, like any type of Moogle, but she could go way higher. She was black with green stripes. Anyway, one day they were both up there, flying over a mountain, and they caught a look at each other. And they couldn't believe their eyes. 'Ain't no such thing as a flying chocobo!' Daisy said. And--uh, what'd I say her name was? Sammi. Sammi said, 'Yeah? You're looking at one.' And after they had it out over that for a minute, they got to being friends. And after that, they always had a friend to go around with up there.

"Sammi taught Daisy how to do loop-the-loops. Daisy taught Sammi how to braid her feathers. Don't ask me how a moogle knew that. And anyway, they ganged up together to take out all the Shinra airships up there. The end." A lot of Barret's stories end that way.

There’s another noise from Cloud, and this time Barret’s sure about it. He’s laughing down there.

"Yeah," Barret sighs. "Marlene thinks they're pretty funny, too. You're just mad you don't have these skills."

Cloud picks himself up enough to look Barret in the face. He opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it without saying anything, and gives a little shake of his head. He’s very close, and he looks happy. 

"You got a cute smile," Barret says. "Go the hell to sleep." For the first time since he and Cloud started hooking up, he doesn't feel so out of his depth. He leans in and kisses Cloud. Cloud sinks in, long and sweet enough that Barret’s heart wants to flutter. Then he pulls back with his usual lack of ceremony, and fits himself alongside Barret where he was before, a warm weight breathing deeper and deeper.


	31. Tifa

Tifa gets woken up in North Corel way earlier than she wants to be. To be fair, the bed’s pretty lumpy, so she wasn’t sleeping all that well. It still would be nice if when she looked outside, the sun was actually in the sky yet. She touches the windowpane, on her way to the door, and it’s early morning cold and damp.

“Hi,” says Cloud, when she opens the door. “Gonna clear my head before breakfast. You want to come with me?”

"Oh," Tifa says. She both wants to and doesn't. She's felt like she doesn't know where she stands with him since the forest, and she’s said enough to the others about it that she feels squeamish about it. "Okay, yeah," she adds, when it feels like the silence has gone on for too long. "Let me just find shoes." She shuts the door, mentally cursing herself for agreeing. It's going to be awkward. When she finishes slowly, slowly putting her shoes on, she comes back out, and he's still there.

He uncrosses his arms, smiles at her a little, crosses them, uncrosses them, and says, “I think there’s a view of the valley from further up the hill.”

"Lead the way, champ," she says. _It's Cloud_ , she reminds herself. _Just Cloud._ But the trouble is, she doesn't know what that means anymore.

Cloud is careful opening the door without making a lot of noise, and he holds it wide for Tifa to come through. 

“This way, I think,” he says, and starts hiking up the rocky path.

Tifa follows. Can she just not say anything the whole time? That might be nice. Maybe a little awkward, but maybe better, too.

They do actually walk in silence for a few minutes. Tifa can hear herself breathing, but Cloud’s breathing doesn’t come any harder at the top of the hill than at the bottom of it. Maybe he’s toughened up since they climbed all those stairs in the Shinra building. He turns around to face her, and then looks out over the hill and says, “See? Amazing.”

It is amazing. From here, they can see at least thirty miles down the gullet of this vast mountain valley, green and warm, with the cliffs rising dark above it. The sun’s light is spilling pale orange against the western cliffs, while it crests above the peaks in the east. She can hear birds crying, and when she looks up, she can see their black silhouettes cutting across the paling sky.

"Oh, wow," she whispers. For a second it feels like they're kids, only better than that, because they know what they're doing now. Don't they? She really wants to take Cloud's hand, but she also wants to run as far away from him as possible. How has she been hammering and hammering at this problem without ever getting to Cloud, himself?

Finally she says, "How are you doing?" It's easier than saying how she's doing.

“Huh?” he says. “Oh. We were just talking last night. Me and Barret. Made me think of home.”

She gathers her courage. "I have to say...this is all a little weird for me."

Cloud looks at her steadily. “Sure,” he agrees, but maybe like he doesn’t know what he’s agreeing to. 

"I feel like I don't know you," Tifa says. "I can't make it all fit in my head." It sounds awful out loud, especially in such a beautiful place.

Cloud says, “You’re mad at me.”

Tifa has so rarely been able to admit that, and she wants badly to just back off. But he says it without hesitating, and if Tifa can say it to Aerith, she can say it to Cloud. "Yes."

“I’m--sorry I lied to you in Nibelheim,” he says slowly. “You know. Hiding like that. I didn’t want to disappoint you by just being a stupid footsoldier. But maybe that’s what fucked everything up.”

"You put a lot on me," Tifa says. "Things I never wanted or cared about. I just would have been happy to see you again. You, the real you. Every time."

“You’re right,” Cloud says. “I wasn’t fair to you when we were kids.” He tilts his head away. “I know I wasn’t your best friend, but you were kind of my only friend. So I guess I got anxious. I know, I fucked up.”

"I'm not going to hold something from when we were kids against you," Tifa says. "But I feel like all you know how to do when things get hard is hide." It's what she hates most about herself, so she's allowed to hate it most about him.

Cloud is quiet for a second. Then he says, “The stuff from before? I get it. And I get why you might be mad that I’m the one person from Nibelheim that showed up in one piece.”

"Wait," Tifa says. "Wait, hang on. I'm not mad that you're alive, Cloud. Do you know how relieved I was when I found you at the station?" At least for a minute, before she realized how lost he was.

He turns back to face her, and he looks--angry. She doesn’t think that she ever, in her entire life, has seen him angry at her. Not even after she got hurt in the mountains, when they were children. Not even after everybody blamed him.

“I was sick,” he says. “I was so sick I don’t remember where we came from. I don’t remember how we got to Midgar. I woke up and Zack was dying, and he told me to live for him. In his place. By the time I crossed the blight I didn’t remember anything else. I didn’t remember being anything else.”

Tifa takes a step back. "Cloud," she says. She twines her fingers together so they won't shake. "That's--so awful. I'm sorry."

“I know things’ve been hard for you,” Cloud says. “I know some of that’s my fault. I know your life would be easier if I hadn’t come back. But I’m not hiding, am I? Everything you want to know. All of you. I’m telling you everything I know.”

Tifa wraps her arms around herself and wishes the sun wouldn't come up. She's the one who wants to hide. "It still hurts," she says finally, willing him to understand.

“Well, I don’t think I can help you there,” Cloud says. 

"I want to get past this," Tifa says, tears stinging her eyes. "But I need you to meet me halfway."

“Tell me what you want,” says Cloud.

Tifa bites her lip. "I just want to feel like friends. We can be, can't we?" She'd settle for not feeling like strangers.

“That’s not a thing you want,” says Cloud. “That’s a feeling you want. What do you want _from me_?”

"I guess I want you not to have hidden. Either in Nibelheim or Midgar." She wipes her eyes. "I know you're sorry about one and didn't have a choice about the other. I guess I just wanted to hear that."

Cloud watches the sunrise for a minute and says. “Listen. I don’t talk about stuff unless I’ve gotta because talking about stuff sucks. But if you’re making Midgar and Nibelheim into the same thing, that’s on you. So we weren’t perfect friends as kids. Fine, we’re grown up now. Let’s work on it. Everything with Zack, though? Not about you, Tifa. Even if you don’t like it.”

Tifa swallows. Her stomach is in knots of guilt and fear. "I messed up," she says.

“I don’t really want to keep score,” he says. “But you’re not being fair. It’s not my fault, getting hurt.”

Tifa didn't think of it like that, but maybe that's what it is. "I hate that you got hurt," she says. "You were supposed--supposed to come back and save me."

“I did,” he says. “I just didn’t do a great job.”

Tifa bursts into tears for real. "Shit," she says. "I'm sorry. We both put stuff on each other."

Cloud’s shoulders relax. He says, “I was a weird kid. And I sucked at making friends.”

"I sucked at being a friend," Tifa says. "As recently as today."

“Yeah,” says Cloud. He looks at her from the corner of his eye. “But look. I’m talking, ‘cause you’re the girl asking.”

Tifa smiles through her tears. "And after you showed me this amazing sunrise. It doesn't seem fair." She reaches out and squeezes Cloud's hand.

“No pity party, huh?” Cloud says. “Friends for real are friends for real.”

"I want to be friends," Tifa says with feeling. "Cloud, I missed you." She's missed him for seven years.

“Okay,” agrees Cloud. “So then shut up a little.” He slips his hand free and yanks on her hair.

Tifa laughs and pushes up against him, not enough to put him off balance. He's very warm, pressed up against her side. They didn't pick all the pieces apart, but she's awash with relief. She feels like they're different people than the ones who climbed up here.

Cloud doesn’t put an arm around her, or anything like that, but he takes her weight and gives back a little of his own. She notices then that he doesn’t have his sword. He keeps leaving it behind when they’re not traveling. 

“Get used to standing here,” he says. “Good part of sunrise isn’t gonna be for twenty minutes.”

"Now who's talking too much?" Tifa says. She puts her head on his shoulder and just settles in to soak it in.


	32. Cloud

Over breakfast, Tifa and their hosts try to work out on her map how they all went this far off course. 

“It’s not so bad,” says Mia. “There’s a station down the west road. Doesn’t do most of us much good, but we get supplies on the train sometimes. There’s a train that runs straight through the mountains towards Nibelheim. All the way through! You wouldn’t think it’s worth running a train all that way for these two towns, and, there’s nothing else out there but crops and trees, but Shinra did a big rail project when they were building all these reactors. Wanted them all connected.”

Barret grunts. "I remember," he says.

"So we can just take the train and be in Nibelheim," Aerith says. Her eyes are bright. "We're getting somewhere."

“That’s good news,” says Cloud over his coffee cup. Doesn’t feel like great news, but it’s the plan, so it’s good news.

“It’s still running, even though the town is gone?” Tifa asks.

Mia says, “The town is what? I’ve never been out there myself, but they’re still sending us power so I guess they’re still there! Anyway, I never heard about anything like what happened to us.” 

Barret glances sideways at Tifa and Cloud. "You didn't? That's kind of well-known, isn't it? I mean, I didn't know it before Tifa told me, but since that's the last place anyone saw Sephiroth, I figured…"

“The ‘War Hero’?” Mia says. “Me, I think he’s alive and well somewhere. Just slipped off into the needle mountains and didn’t come back. _I_ think he stowed away on a boat and went all the way to Wutai.”

“Why’d he do that?” asks Cloud, almost amused.

“Because working for Shinra is shit,” says Mia. “And maybe he spied for them a little. Who would know more than the great Sephiroth?”

Cloud thinks that considering how the war went, that’s a bold statement. Sephiroth’s supposed intel must not have been all that great.

"Never heard that one before," Aerith says. "But I guess it's good to hear that something in Nibelheim is still working." She frowns at Tifa. "Weird, right? Well, I guess we'll find out."

“Weird,” says Cloud. 

“Thank you for the tip,” Red says to Mia.

They stop in and say goodbye to the guy from the day before and buy a couple potions to be nice. (Cloud thinks it’s to be nice. They don’t really need potions.) Then they take the road to the station by foot, and after twenty minutes or so they get there. It’s not exactly bustling but the ticket window is open, and there really is a train that goes to Nibelheim. At least, the schedule says so. The lady in the window says so. After an hour, they get on a train, and the conductor says so. 

It would be kind of nice to move fast, sitting down, except for a couple things: one, the train does burrow straight into the mountains, and the lamps inside the train and lining the tunnel aren’t that bright. It’s spooky. Two, Cloud gets motion sick. It’s so stupid, and he feels like he might die. The others all chatter, and he just sweats, with both hands glued to his knees, looking at the floor. 

"Hey," Aerith says when they've been moving for a while. "Want me to put my hand on the back of your neck or anything?"

“Do you maybe have a spell for this?” Cloud says miserably. “You’re full of magic.”

"I don't know," Aerith says. "Sometimes things just...work, but usually I need plants. I could get you an herb for this, if I were back home." She digs through her bag. "Oh, hold on, maybe try this?" She takes out a tiny soft bag with strings and pulls something green and spiky out of it. "Chew on this."

Cloud says, “What the hell is that?” 

"It's from my garden," Aerith says. "And trust me, it's better than feeling motion sick. It'll taste kind of spicy. You don't mind that, right?"

“Don’t think so,” Cloud says. He takes it, cautiously, and puts it in his mouth. The taste is fine. The texture is awful. He starts to feel better almost immediately.

"If you ever feel sick," Aerith says, "just tell me. I usually have something."

“Course you do,” says Cloud. “Straight up magic girl, doesn’t need materia or anything."

Aerith turns very slightly pink and gives Cloud's knee a pat. "We'd better hope Sephiroth responds well to herbs and flowers, right?"

Cloud snorts. “If anyone can make that work, you can,” he says.

"I'm already making plans," Aerith says mysteriously. "Are you and Tifa ready for this? Our next stop? We can move on fast if we need to."

“From Nibelheim?” Cloud says. He keeps his voice casual, but the word kind of numbs his lips. “Yeah. I think so. We know all the bad shit there is to know, right?” 

"Seeing it might feel different," Aerith says. "But we've all got your backs. Just like we had Barret's in North Corel."

“Right,” says Cloud. “Thanks. I think I’m good, though.” He’d like to be. He’s tired. 

Aerith nods. "Come on. Now that you're less sick, we can play a train game."

Cloud frowns. “A train game?” Probably more of what they’ve been doing on the road, except people can hear them.

Red says happily, “I want to play!” He’s been in a good mood since he shocked the conductor into letting him into the passenger cars. 

"Great," Aerith says enthusiastically. "Red's in! Okay, my favorite train game is where you pick something--saying, growing up south of here--then you talk to people on the train till you find someone like that."

That’s _way_ worse than getting overheard.

"Sounds like a fast way to make enemies," Barret says, and Cloud thinks that’s ironic, given the way Barret has historically scared the shit out of Shinra employees by yelling at them on trains.

"Our group counts, too," Aerith says. "But I usually play with strangers."

Tifa throws her a blinding smile. “I don’t think anyone is a stranger to you for long,” she says.

"Good with plants and people," Aerith says, winking. "I'm a modern marvel."

Cloud’s whole body feels suddenly lighter. Lighter, but...with a firecracker in the middle. He hasn’t had this feeling in a million years. It feels like a mistake, or like he’s doing something wrong. A little urgent. But it’s nice, too.

“It might be a good idea to stick with us, considering,” says Tifa. “But maybe once we’re done saving the world and Shinra’s not after us, we can try with strangers?”

"Deal," Aerith says. "And I'll stick to non-intrusive questions. Mostly! At least for this trip!"

Cloud doesn’t believe that, but it makes him smile anyway. 

Barret looks up from where he's been quietly studying the map. "I ain't playing shit," he says, but not like he means it at all.

The rest of the ride goes quickly, and it feels far too soon that they're pulling into a station that was never here before. It's right outside the entrance to the town.

And the town is...there.

"Wait a minute," Barret says. "Tifa, I thought you said…"

Tifa is wordless. Cloud can’t blame her. They leave the train, and no one else does. It pulls away with its passengers. Cloud tries to brush off the sense that there won’t ever be another one.

He says, “Well. No point standing out here.” He starts toward the city gates.

"There's no sign of fire damage," Barret says distantly. "Not like Corel."

Aerith comes up beside Cloud and catches his hand in hers. "Looks like they rebuilt," she says, half to him and half to Tifa.

“Yeah,” says Tifa oddly. 

“You don’t sound like you agree?” says Red. Cloud checks, and his whiskers are quivering. 

“They must have,” says Tifa. “But why is everything exactly the same?”

Cloud hasn’t lived here in seven years, and his memory’s messy. He’s still sure she’s right. 

" _Exactly_ the same?" Aerith asks. Not like she doesn't believe it. Just like she's suddenly more freaked out.

“Yeah,” says Cloud slowly, looking at the water tower in the center of the town square. He breaks away from everyone and strides over to one of the wooden supports, twists around to see the back of it. “Almost exactly,” he says. “But this is new.”

"How can you tell?" Aerith asks.

Cloud grits his teeth for a second and then says, as casually as possible, “Me and Tifa’s names aren’t where I left ‘em.”

"Oh," Aerith says, giving Cloud a blinding smile.

Barret snorts. "So that don't mean shit. Just means they rebuilt, and they liked the way it used to look." But even he sounds dubious.

“Tifa,” says Cloud. “What happened to you, after the reactor? Shinra didn’t take you. Where’d you go, with the other survivors?”

“Next town,” says Tifa. “To the hospital. As soon as I got out, I left for Midgar. I didn’t want to be here anymore.” She shivers. “There weren’t a lot of survivors.”

"But I see people here," Aerith says. There are few in the street, just going about their day. "Why don't we just ask around?"

“This isn’t exactly a big town,” Cloud says. “But I don’t recognize anybody.”

“I’m sure new people moved here when the town was rebuilt,” says Red. 

“For the suddenly available reactor jobs,” Cloud says. “That’s great. And in North Corel, they didn’t even know the town burned.”

"That's the weirdest part," Barret says. "I sure didn't know. Don't know that too many people in Midgar knew."

"I'd never even heard of this place," Aerith says, frowning slightly.

“So what do we want to ask?” Cloud says. 

"Just say you're from here and you didn't know it got rebuilt," Barret says. "People love to talk."

“This is really upsetting,” says Tifa. “But okay. I’m asking.”

She’s Tifa, so as soon as she says that, she goes over to a woman carrying a bag of groceries and says, “Hi! I’m sorry. I used to live in Nibelheim when I was a kid. Do you know anything about how the town was rebuilt?”

"Rebuilt?" The woman frowns. "Sorry, hon, no idea what you're talking about."

“Oh,” says Tifa less confidently. “Well, I guess it just looks spruced up since I was home! How--how long have you lived here?”

"My whole life," the woman says. "Sorry I don't remember you." And she starts to move on without ending the conversation.

Tifa looks at Cloud with horror. 

“Never seen her before,” says Cloud. 

"It's just one person," Aerith says, but she sounds shaken. "We should ask about Sephiroth. Or go to one of your houses."

“No one I know will be at mine,” says Tifa.

“Mine either,” says Cloud. 

"Could ask how long they've been there," Barret says. "See if you get the same answer."

“Right,” says Cloud. He starts off across the square and up towards what looks like what used to be his house. The others are still catching up when he knocks on the door.

A middle-aged man opens the door. "Yes?" he says. Then he takes in Cloud's outfit. "I mean, yes, sir!"

“No need for sir,” says Cloud. “I’m just doing a--check up. On some houses around town.”

"Of course," the man says, still standing very straight. "Come right in. He glances at the others. "Uh--them too?"

“Tourists,” says Cloud. “Hey, you all move along,” he says to the rest, and then turns back to the man. “Nothing complicated. Just your name, your occupation here, how long you’ve been at the house.”

The man nods. "Rico, sir. I'm a merchant. Been here my whole life." He winks at Cloud.

“Everything going well here?” Cloud asks. “No incidents? Nothing strange? The last town I checked in with they were trying to spread rumors that Sephiroth was back.”

"No sir!" Now the man looks terrified. "No problems like that here. Just a peaceful little town." He lowers his voice. "Just rumors, right?"

“I’m sure,” says Cloud. “Listen, I’m going to be checking in with other folks in town. If you think of anything else, catch me before I leave. And thanks for your help.”

The man nods. "Got it," he says. "I have to say, I love the house. Best one in town, I think. So thanks." He winks again.

“Don’t thank me,” says Cloud, which he seems to take okay. Cloud walks off like he’s got a purpose. He finds his friends creeping around nearby.

"So?" Barret says. "What the hell's going on?"

“Shinra,” says Cloud. “Gotta be. He started talking as soon as he saw my outfit.” He frowns. “Maybe I should get a new outfit.”

“Okay, but what did he say?” says Tifa.

“I’m pretty sure the whole town is plants,” Cloud says. “He told me he’s lived in my house his whole life. And he winked at me.”

"Fuck, that's creepy," Barret says.

"But why would they do that?" Aerith asks. "I don't understand."

“Dunno,” says Cloud. “Doesn’t really make sense that they’d let Corel burn and pretend Nibelheim didn’t.”

"'Cept Corel wasn't burned by Sephiroth," Barret says.

"How many people know Sephiroth went crazy?" Aerith asks. "I only know from you guys talking about it."

“Not the people in North Corel, I guess,” Cloud says. 

"Tifa, are you okay?" Aerith asks.

“I don’t know,” says Tifa. “I don’t--this is really messed up.” She looks angry, and her eyes are wet. “It’s _really_ messed up.”

Aerith puts her arm around Tifa's waist. "I know," she says. I'm sorry."

"Shinra," Barret says with venom. "Just-- _Shinra_."

“I don’t think we’re going to find out anything else in town,” says Cloud. The thought of the reactor makes him uncomfortable, but he shrugs it off. It’s fine. He knows it now. No harm there. “Want to head toward the mansion?”

"Yeah!" Barret says. Too loud. Faking being brave. He puts his hand on Tifa's shoulder. "If you two aren't too freaked out, that is."

Aerith is already walking toward the mansion. Cloud nods, and follows her. Red passes by, his tail hot near Cloud’s hand.

"Heard a lot of stories about this place," Barret says when they reach the front doors. "But that was back when there were still people living here."

“What kind of stories?” Red asks. “Is it that famous?”

The door swings open, and a faint smell of house, mixed with--Cloud stops for a second, feeling the hairs rise all along the backs of his arms. 

“Spooky in here,” says Tifa, stepping past him.

“Spooky,” Cloud echoes.

"I don't want you thinking I'm scared," Barret says, "but in Corel, they said this place got pretty haunted after headquarters moved to Midgar."

"Oh, ghosts," Aerith says dismissively.

"You don't believe in 'em?" Barret asks.

"I'm not scared of them," Aerith says.

Cloud thinks maybe if they weren’t stuck so long with those stupid _ghosts who just wanted to play_ in the train graveyard in Midgar, maybe the plate wouldn’t have come down, but now is definitely not the time to bring that up. He probably shouldn’t ever bring that up.

“Come on, it’s okay,” says Tifa, not sounding that okay. When the door shuts, the whole house sounds hollow. Somehow Cloud doesn’t believe they’re really alone. It’s like the house wants them to think they are.

Aerith wanders on ahead. "It's pretty dusty in here," she says.

"You don't feel that?" Barret demands. His arm brushes Cloud's. "What's worth seeing in here? Let's see it and get out."

Cloud opens his mouth to say _I don’t know_ , but his words don’t make it out.

“Let’s see,” says Red, and cautiously turns into a room to their right. He snarls and leaps back out a moment later, as a burst of magic comes after him. His fur is straight on end. Cloud’s sword is out in a moment, and he leans cautiously into the room. Something he’s never seen before is there, hanging from a rope by the strength of its arms. It looks like a man, but the bottom half of its body is a huge, curved blade. It doesn’t make sense. Why would someone make that?

 _How do you know they made it?_ asks the voice. _Why would they make any of us?_

Cloud pulls back fast, heart racing.

"What is it?" Aerith asks, more curious than afraid. She frowns when she sees Cloud's expression.

“Guy with a knife body,” Cloud says unclearly. His vision is blurred.

“Do we need to go that way?” asks Tifa. 

“Up to you,” says Cloud. “We can come back. Don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

"Wish I had a damn weapon," Barret says. "Told you it was haunted. Fucking science experiments. Uh, no offense to anyone here," he adds.

Everyone but Tifa looks at him. 

“Come on,” Tifa says, waving off the moment. “Let’s just pick the fights we have to.” She looks really tired. Or--Cloud isn’t sure that _tired_ is the right word, but he can’t think of a better one.

They search the downstairs and find a few weird things--notes that don’t make sense, an old piano that’s probably hiding something, rooms piled high with things in storage. They dig through all that, but don’t find a lot. It’s hard to focus in here. It’s hard for Cloud to focus, anyway. There are ghosts, which Aerith thinks are cute. They’re not cute. And the place is infested.

The upstairs is the same--lots to look at. Nothing useful. A safe, but they can’t open it. And then they walk into what’s supposed to look like a bedroom, with a curved stone door taking up one whole side.

“That’s kind of weird, don’t you think?” says Tifa. 

“No,” says Cloud.

"You say the word and we can leave," Barret says quietly.

Cloud shakes his head slightly. “No,” he says. “I mean. No.”

“Okay,” says Tifa. “So forward it is.”

She opens the door. It creaks, long and low. 

“This feels like being on the right track,” she says, not happily. 

Even Aerith is subdued now. "Cloud?" she says. "We can go without you. Or, Red and Barret and I can go."

"Ain't gonna leave all the muscle here," Barret mutters.

“Don’t have to,” says Cloud. It feels like someone else’s mouth. He doesn’t know why it feels this way. He can’t--

The only way to go is to go first. He starts down the impossibly long winding staircase, which curls down into a dark pit. There’s something down there. He can’t remember. There’s no reason why he should know.

"More ghosts down here," Aerith whispers. "Or something. Someone." When Cloud glances back, Aerith is gripping Tifa's hand. 

The hallway at the bottom isn’t a hallway. It’s just a passage dug out of the mountain’s roots, doors set into the walls. There are lights down here, which seems worse. The mansion looks abandoned. Why are there lights?

“Should we try these doors?” Tifa asks. Cloud doesn’t answer. He walks straight on towards the door at the end of the hall. Red catches up and leans his weight on Cloud’s shin for a moment. 

"What's in there?" Barret asks. The hallway is completely silent, the kind of sound-stealing silence that sucks at Cloud's ears every time someone isn't talking.

“Dunno,” says Cloud. “Seems important.”

"I'll go," Aerith says. She comes up next to Cloud and Red and pushes the door open.

Tifa half-laughs. “Brave as ever,” she says. She puts her hand on Cloud’s back. “Coming?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Cloud says, and steps through the door. 

_No._

_No._

_No._

_No._

From the inside, he knows this place.


	33. Aerith

The room is dark, cold, lined with shelves stuffed with books and binders and instruments. The floor and table are strewn with tools and papers; there are big glass tanks along the--Aerith hears her name.

“ _Aerith.”_ Cloud, quiet and quick, like he’s about to start choking, but he got to her before it could begin.

"What is it?" she asks, but she can already feel it. Something is terribly wrong here. She turns and grabs his hand. "Cloud?"

“I didn’t know it was here,” he says. Only to her, even though the others are all paying attention.

Aerith takes in the room. "Shinra R&D stuff," she says. She recognizes it. She should. "What happened here?"

Cloud pulls on her hand, hard enough that she turns back around to look at him. “I didn’t know we never left town,” he says, like if she doesn’t understand, something awful will happen.

There’s a silence for a moment, because everyone is listening. 

“No,” says Tifa. “Oh, no. Because you were so sick.”

"Oh," Aerith says. Her heart is hammering in her chest. "Oh no, Cloud." It's here. This is where Zack, her Zack, was tortured.

“If this is that lab, then they’ve only just abandoned it,” says Red with a low growl. “Or they haven’t at all. We should search the place.”

"Spread out," Barret says. He doesn't sound as freaked out as the rest of them, although he keeps glancing at Cloud.

Aerith wraps her arms around herself. This room is awful. She can feel it seeping into her bones, the terror and exhaustion and despair. It feels, simply put, evil.

Cloud’s hand hovers where hers let go of it, then drops. He says, “I’m going this way,” like he’s on the other side of the ocean. He moves across the room painfully.

"You don't have to be in here," she says gently. It's hard to imagine the things that must have happened in this room, but she's been in Shinra labs enough to know. Her Zack. Her Cloud. It makes her sick.

Cloud doesn’t answer, just makes a small gesture with his hand without looking back, before disappearing into the rows of bookcases.

“No good,” says Tifa. She shakes her head. “I think we should look for what we came to find. Aerith, he wanted you. Can you go? The three of us can scout the place and start looking for clues.”

"Okay," Aerith says. "Be careful. There might be more of those monsters." With a Shinra lab here, there almost certainly are. She moves off among the bookcases, trying to keep an eye on Cloud. She's having trouble focusing, though. Something is here. Something living. She can feel the Planet telling her.

They keep walking up and down the stacks, Cloud a little way ahead, Aerith tailing him diligently. She’s almost gotten used to the idea that no one has been left here to spring a trap on them when several bats burst out from the stone wall. 

Aerith gasps and ducks, covering her head. When she realizes it's just bats, she laughs shakily. "Cloud, you okay?"

His back is against a bookcase, sword out in front of his body. He’s breathing hard. She doesn’t think he tried to hit them.

“Bats,” he says. 

"Yeah," Aerith says. "Cloud, I can do this part. You can go with the others, or wait outside." She doesn't think he'll take her up on it, but it seems cruel to just let him keep going. She knows how she felt when she was in the lab at the Shinra building.

He shakes his head slightly. The sword eases to the ground. 

"Then we'll go together," Aerith says. "I think we're alone." The feeling of life is gone. Maybe a monster was here and moved on. She runs her finger down the spine of a book, trying to make out what might be useful.

“Not the books,” Cloud says. “Just...come on.”

Aerith nods and follows. If Cloud can do this, she can do this. She sticks closer to him this time.

He walks like he knows where he’s going, and at the end of the row, he turns. Where Aerith thought there was a dead end, there’s a door. Cloud looks at the door, his face still. 

"What is it?" she whispers. She doesn't want to keep going. She doesn't want to know more than what she knows.

Cloud reaches out, just far enough to turn the knob, and with hardly any movement, taps the door and lets it swing open. It’s truly dark in there, but Aerith’s eyes start to adjust after a moment. It’s bare rock inside, like the rest of the lab, but most of the room has been caged off into four or five small cells. The cells have barred doors, with solid partitions between them. She can’t see what, if anything, is inside.

"Cloud," she says. Her voice sounds strange and frightened in her own ears. Her hands are shaking. "You don't have to go in there." But he does, she thinks.

“Can you come with me?” he says.

Aerith takes a deep breath and rallies. "Of course." She puts her hand firmly in his again and steps into the room with him.

Cloud fumbles for the wall, and a light comes on. It’s still dim, and worse lit up. He moves slowly to the cell farthest to the right, bringing Aerith with him. He wraps his free hand around one of the bars. Inside, there’s nothing comforting. Blue-black rock. Bunked beds with mattresses so thin they hardly count. One blanket each. A toilet in the back corner. There is nothing, nothing else.

"Oh," Aerith says, and it comes out as a sob.

Cloud tugs his hand away and clings to the bars with both, leaning his head against his thumbs. He’s not making any noise, even to breathe.

Aerith touches his shoulder lightly. She can't make him hurt less, or make any of this not have happened. Tears sting her eyes, and she blinks them away. All she can do is be here next to him.

“Aerith,” he says quietly. 

"Cloud," she says. "Hey." She doesn't say _It's okay_ or anything else not true.

“Is this real?” he says. “Just tell me if it is.”

"It's real," Aerith says. "I wish it wasn't."

He nods, his hair bunching up against his gloves. Still staring into that place. It’s so small.

“Hey, Aerith?” he says.

"Yeah." She gives his shoulder a squeeze.

“Can we leave?” he asks.

Aerith smiles, even though Cloud can't see. _Good job, Cloud._ "Yes," she says. "Let's get out of here." She offers her hand. She doesn't really want to stop touching him even for a second.

He takes her hand. He’s learning that, she thinks. Not just to tolerate being touched. To want it.

He shuts the door behind them. They walk back through the library. When they come out into the main room, the wall with the vats is fully in view, Cloud’s hand tightens around hers. But he just says, “Hey, Barret.”

"Hey," Barret says. "Any luck? Just a bunch of old books and some monsters over here."

“Nothing,” says Cloud. “I didn’t look that hard. We’re going outside.”

Barret nods. "Good. This place feels like shit."

Aerith doesn't let go of Cloud's hand the whole way out. She's so proud of him, but she's not sure he'd tolerate hearing it. Maybe later, when things have calmed down. So she just keeps her mouth shut and holds on.

When they’re standing in the front lawn, which was probably beautiful once but looks pretty bad right now (Aerith could fix it), Cloud awkwardly reaches for his sword and lays it on the ground. When he straightens up, still holding her hand, he’s pale and a little abashed.

“Sorry,” he says. “Maybe I could use some--can you just--?”

"Yeah," Aerith says. She leans closer to him, intending to wrap her arms around him. She does, but then instead of tucking her face into his shoulder, they're face to face, and the only thing she can imagine herself doing is kissing him. She holds him so tightly when she does, willing him to feel all the love and comfort he deserves.

He doesn’t hold her back, but he sinks against her and softens, and when she leans away without letting go, there are tears on his cheeks. 

“That’s nice,” he says. And then his hands do find her, lightly resting against her back. “Thanks. I hate this place.”

"Yeah," she says quietly. "I don't think there's anything good for us here." She strokes a hand through his hair. She's proud. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't have asked for help.

“Saw a bench outside the gate,” Cloud says, pressing his hand just a tiny bit harder against her back. 

"Come on," she says. She makes her way to the bench, making sure one of her hands is touching Cloud all the time. It feels essential. When they're seated, she puts her arm around his waist, fitting their bodies snugly together, hip to hip. He sits uncomfortably at first.

“Don’t really want to talk about it,” he tells her. She assumes he means the lab, and not the kiss.

"We won't," she says. "We can just sit." She always has questions, about everything, but she knows there are times she shouldn't ask. And anyway, it was all so clear.

They do, and after a minute, she feels him starting to slowly relax. 

“So, Sephiroth too?” he says.

"Yes," Aerith says.

Cloud looks down at his hands, where his right is playing with the plating on his left glove. 

“Fuck,” he says.

"Nothing makes what he did to your town okay," Aerith says. "Or what he's still doing to you." Assuming that's real, but Aerith doesn't really have any doubts there.

“I didn’t forget,” Cloud says, like it’s silly to imagine that he’d ever forget something.

"I just want you to know that I know," Aerith says "I know I can be too forgiving. And he wasn't--There weren't cells, for him. He was...prized." Even though she was just little when she lived with Shinra, she remembers Sephiroth so clearly. She had always had trouble understanding why his life was so different from hers.

“Right,” says Cloud. 

"But they hurt him," Aerith says. "And he was afraid. I don't know what that means for us, but I want to be honest about what I know."

“Means he doesn’t trust anyone,” says Cloud. “Means he doesn’t owe anyone. Not great.”

"Not great," Aerith echoes. "It makes sense that he killed the president, anyway. I guess none of us has to be too sad about that."

“I’m not sad,” says Cloud, a little sarcastically. “If he wants to kill the new one too, that’s fine by me. But I bet you don’t want him to kill anyone.”

"I think it'll make him harder to reach," Aerith says. "I know he might be impossible to reach anyway," she adds quickly.

Cloud nods. “Do you think,” he says, and then stops. 

Aerith gives Cloud's waist a squeeze. "Go ahead," she says encouragingly.

“Am I gonna be any use?” he says. 

"Of course," Aeirth says. "Cloud, we couldn't do this without you." She kisses his forehead. Now that she's started kissing him, the idea of stopping seems difficult.

He looks at her sideways, with half a smile. “You all wanted a fighter. So did I. So did Shinra. Just got me, though. Not sure what that is.”

"Hey," she says lightly, "you don't know what I wanted. Maybe I just wanted you."

“Whatever the hell _that_ is,” he says, like a little joke. “But thanks. I like you too.”

Aerith feels like she's reached a tipping point, but it's one she doesn't especially mind having reached. She's just glad Cloud's talking and not shut down. "I hope Tifa and Barret find something soon," she says. "This whole town is creepy."

“Yeah,” Cloud says feelingly. “Think we’ll have to stay here tonight, though, don’t you? There’s nothing nearby and someone on the train said it only runs once a day.”

"Will you and Tifa be okay with that?" Aerith asks.

“It’s okay,” he says. “It’s weird. But it’s not like anyone’s pretending to be our parents.”

"Ugh," Aerith says. "Yeah, it could always be worse." It's hard to believe that Shinra was that desperate to cover up what happened with Sephiroth here. He must have meant even more to them than she knew. "You don't think Sephiroth will bother us here, do you?" she asks.

Cloud shrugs.

"Right," Aerith says. "Well, we won't let you sleep alone." She's already running through options in her head of how to make that happen. She doesn't want to leave his side. But she has to talk to Tifa. She has to talk to _Barret._

“Come on,” Cloud says awkwardly, leaning away and back like a kind of opposite-nudge. But the pink’s back in his cheeks. Maybe being here isn’t such a disaster.

Aerith stands up and looks back toward the mansion. She hopes they didn't run into any trouble. She thinks she'd know if they had.

"Think they're okay?" she asks Cloud. "I can go back if they don't come out soon."

“There’s a lot to look at,” Cloud says, but he frowns. “I can go back too.”

"They can probably both handle themselves, and we should wait here," Aerith says diplomatically. "Oh, wait, here they come!"

Tifa yells something across the lawn. She’s waving something square--paper or a book, Aerith can’t tell--and she looks a little messier than before. Red bounds up ahead of Tifa and Barret and barks, “We found a real zombie. Not like Cloud!”

"Oh," Aerith says, half laughing. She bends down and hugs Red. "I'm glad you're all okay. And you found something?" she asks as Tifa catches up.

“A couple things,” says Tifa breathlessly. “There’s probably more. But I think we know what Sephiroth found out. And what he’s planning to do.”

"Holy shit," Aerith says.

Barret laughs. "Yeah--you're goddamn right. You two okay?" He glances at Cloud.

“Yeah, good,” says Cloud. “What’d you find?”

“Short version?” says Tifa. “We were right before. I think. I _think_ he’s just really, really upset that he’s a science experiment, and not just a normal guy.”

“What the fuck?” says Cloud. “That’s stupid.”

“Okay, but let’s assume it doesn’t matter how stupid it is?” Tifa says. She holds up the paper. “You remember the ball of fire, right?” Everybody remembers the ball of fire. “It’s a spell,” she says. “Meteor. And you cast it using black materia.”

"And I guess he's unhinged enough to do it," Barret says. "Seems like _some people_ just can't handle being science experiments." He gives Cloud and Red a look that Aerith thinks is pride. "Anyway, that's all assuming he's still alive and not some fucked-up ghost."

"What does the spell do?" Aerith asks. She doesn't know a lot about meteors.

Red says with polite bafflement, “It’s a meteor.”

Tifa rescues her. “The ball of fire,” she says. “From space. When it hits the planet, if it’s big enough, it’s going to destroy all life.”

"Oh," Aerith says. She feels something complicated unwind inside her. She's supposed to stop it. She can stop it.

“We have to reach my home,” says Red. “As quickly as possible.” 

Cloud says, “No hints about where the hell to find something like that? Or anything about the reunion?”

"No, but there's a whole fucking library," Barret says. "It'll take forever to go through everything."

"Red's right," Aerith says. "His people will know. And mine would, if there were any of them left."

Cloud’s hand very lightly brushes the back of her own. 

“So we sleep here tonight,” he says. “There’s probably something we can catch to the coast. Used to be. Otherwise we can walk it in a day. Take a boat south, find ground transport in the wilds?”

“What you’re calling wilds,” says Red sternly. 

“I miss Midgar,” says Tifa wistfully. “I miss all the really fast stuff we drove, with wheels.”

“You miss them the same with no roads and no fuel?” Cloud asks.

“Don’t be rude,” she says. “I’m having a moment.”

Aerith feels a rush of gratitude and love for both of them. She has to get Tifa alone. But maybe Barret first. "I'm fine staying the night," she says with forced brightness.

“It’s not so bad if you know what it is,” Cloud says. “Just a bunch of actors. Weird, but probably okay people.”

“You don’t think they’ll sic Shinra on us?” Red says.

“Honestly? No,” says Cloud. “They don’t seem that smart.”

"Anywhere in town I can pick up a gun, you think?" Barret asks.

Tifa shrugs. “Anything’s possible.”

“If not,” says Red, “I’m sure my home can help.”

While they’re talking, Aerith sees Cloud lean over to Tifa. “Hey,” he says. “You okay with this?”

“I hate it,” she admits. “But we should get some sleep. Maybe I can just keep watch.”

“Take turns,” says Cloud, with a serious little nod.

"Maybe you three can find us a room and Barret and I can go look for his gun," Aerith says.

Everyone looks a little surprised by that, and no, maybe she’s not normally the one who goes along to look at guns. But she isn’t going to give them time to argue, either. 

“Let’s go!” she says, jumping to her feet. “Then there’ll be plenty of time for dinner at a really weird restaurant before bed.” She pats Barret’s arm and smiles at him. “You ready?” she asks.


	34. Barret

Barret is actually feeling pretty good. This town's fucked up, but it's not fucking him up. He can watch Tifa and Cloud's backs. He lets Aerith follow him toward what Tifa thought might be the weapon store. He doesn't expect a lot from this tiny town, and he especially doesn't expect anything that'll fit with his arm, but it's worth a try. It's weird that Aerith wanted to come along, though. She’s weirdly quiet, too, although friendly-quiet, until they’re out of earshot of the others. 

Then she says, “Barret. So. I wanted to get you alone!”

"Thought maybe," Barret says, although that hadn’t occurred to him. They're friends, but they don't talk much. "What's up?"

“I wanted to see how you’re doing,” Aerith says, clasping her hands together behind her back as they turn up the street towards the shop. “And maybe what you’re doing?”

"What's that mean?" Barret asks, suspicious.

“Sorry,” she says. “I’m usually more up front. I think all these crazy revelations are making me a little cautious. Is Cloud your boyfriend?”

Barret flushes. Word gets around, huh? "No, guess not," he says. "Nothing official like that." Not that he wouldn't like that, but it's a lot to put on a person. Especially a person who's at where Cloud's at.

“I see,” says Aerith gravely. “But you like him a lot. And you keep having sex.”

"Right, yeah," Barret says. "What's your damn point?" Aerith and Tifa are doing the same thing. So what?

“Well, if _I_ wanted to have sex with Cloud, would you get upset?” she asks. 

"What?!" Barret demands. "Don't just say that!"

“Why not?” Aerith says. “If I didn’t it might take longer than our errand for us both to know what we were talking about.”

"What about Tifa?" Barret asks. "You trying to screw her over?"

“Oh no, of course not!” says Aerith. “I’ll ask her again. But she said it was all right when we talked about it before.”

Now Barret seems even more out of the loop. "Making me feel old," he says. But it's not like he's never heard of sleeping around. He's just not used to people being so cheerful about it.

“Hmm?” Aerith says. “What does that mean? And you didn’t answer my real question.”

"Well," Barret says, "if Tifa's okay with it and Cloud's okay with it."

“You’re okay with it?” Aerith pushes. “You have a gentle heart. I know. I wouldn’t want to hurt it.”

"Take that back," Barret mutters. But he'd rather her think that than think he doesn't give a shit. "Just--don't leave me in the dust, that's all. I know you three got a lot in common."

“Like what? Being younger than you?” She smiles at him. “I don’t know about that. Cloud and I do. Cloud and Tifa do. Tifa and you do. Cloud and Red and I? Definitely do. You and me? Mmm...not as much, maybe. And I think Tifa and I just get along really well, like you and Cloud.”

She’s clearly thought about this a lot, so Barret thinks about it too. "So I shouldn't expect a kiss from you any time soon," he says finally.

Aerith says, “Well, I’ll give you a kiss on the cheek for sure, but we’re not hooking up, no.”

"Got it," Barret says. "Well, listen, if it's gonna make you two happy, I want you to do it." As long as he gets to keep them around.

“Thanks!” she says. “That’s one down, two to go.”

"Why don't we just have a town hall meeting about it?" Barret asks. How fucking embarrassing.

“Are you kidding? Cloud is why. I have to talk to you and Tifa first, because if I proposition him and then say hold, please! While I ask everybody else’s permission, it won’t work by the time I get back! He’ll clam up. At least, that’s what I think.”

Barret chews this over, too. "Huh," he says. "You're a smart kid, I'll give you that. So what made you decide to go for Cloud now?"

“Well,” she says slowly. They’ve been at the shop for ages by now, but neither one is making a move to go inside. “I liked him right away. You know? The minute we met! I offered him a flower, and he was this big, tough, no smiles guy, and he was really sweet about it. I mean, sweet like he wanted to do the right thing, but _not_ like he was trying to put on a show or hit on me or anything. A lot of guys hit on me,” she adds. 

"Glad he was spending his sweetness on everyone but me," Barret grumbles. But he gets it. Cloud has a weirdly chivalrous streak. "But you still care about Tifa?" He's gotta check, again. Anyone who hurts Tifa is on his shit list.

“Well, just to be clear, he didn’t smile at all,” she says. “I think maybe you just didn’t understand him right away.” That is not what happened. “But Tifa…” Aerith smiles, a big, beautiful expression. “Tifa is perfect. Tifa I fell in _love_ with at first sight. When she was rolling away in that carriage heading to Don Corneo’s…” Her voice drifts off.

"What the hell happened there, anyway?" Barret demands. "I didn't know y'all actually went there." He's heard a lot of shit about Don Corneo. A lot of shit that means he'd sooner die than have Aerith and Tifa hang around there.

“That’s how we found out about the plate,” says Aerith quietly. “So, the story doesn’t end well.” Then she looks cautiously brighter. “But I liked the part where we fought some guys! And the part where we threatened to smash the Don’s balls. Not as much the part where he threatened to rape and murder us, but it was nice to see all three of us looking so pretty!”

"WHAT?" Barret shouts. A couple of people on the street turn to stare before moving on. "You almost got raped and murdered??"

“No,” says Aerith. “I said we got _threatened_ with rape and murder. But it’s not like anyone in Don Corneo’s mansion could stand up to the three most kick-ass brides of all time!”

Barret frowns. "What do you mean, three?"

“You know, me, Tifa and Cloud,” says Aerith. “Anyway, I thought Tifa was beautiful at a distance and she was _much_ more beautiful up close and knocking out creepy guys. So I guess I should really say it was love at first kick to a creepy guy’s head!”

"Cloud??" Barret asks. No way is he moving past that.

“Barret,” says Aerith kindly. “What’s confusing?”

"What...was he wearing?" Barret asks carefully.

“Oh!” says Aerith. “Well, a dress, obviously. I don’t really think Don Corneo interviews brides who aren’t wearing dresses.” She frowns. “And I’m not sure that his stooges know anyone but a woman can wear them.”

"Cloud in a dress?" Barret says. "Cloud in a dress _fooled_ them? With those goddamn muscles?" He can't decide whether to laugh or...yeah, he's gonna laugh.

Aerith says, “Well I don’t think it’s very funny.”

"Well, I didn't see it," Barret says, "but it _sounds_ fucking hilarious. Why'd he do that?"

“To help,” says Aerith, frowning. “Not that it would matter if there was another reason. I know _lots_ of people who have other reasons. I didn’t think it was weird until _right now_.”

Barret pauses, feeling like he just walked into a trap. "Oh," he says. "Well, no, but that's different. Cloud ain't like that."

“Cloud didn’t even know who he was last week,” says Aerith. “Why are you so sure that _you_ do?”

Barret glowers past Aerith's head, back up toward the mansion. "Huh," he says. "Well. Don't tell him I laughed, okay?"

“I wouldn’t,” she says ruthlessly. “It would hurt his feelings.”

"Shit," Barret says. "You really don't like me, do you?" It's a shitty realization. He likes her a hell of a lot, no matter how much trouble she is.

“I didn’t say that, and I didn’t mean it either,” says Aerith. “I mean--I know you can be careful with people. I met Marlene.”

That means a lot, from Aerith, and he lets it. "Yeah," he says. "Well, I didn't mean Cloud any harm. I think we're all on the same page there."

“Right,” she says. She scuffs a boot against the cobblestones. “And Cloud doesn’t want to hurt you. All good. So, let’s get you a big old gun, and then I’m going to have sex with your not-boyfriend. Sound all right?” It sounds like Aerith is getting the better end of the deal. 

"Sure," Barret says. "If they have guns, I guess. Listen, you can head back. I'd rather do this alone." That, and he wants a little space.

Aerith’s usually game expression falters a little. “Well, if that’s what you want,” she says. 

"It is," Barret says. "You're good, I mean it. Just don't want someone looking over my shoulder while I have this awkward conversation." He gestures to his half arm.

Her eyes sparkle again. “All right,” she says. “I’ll go find our friends. Want to meet us up at the inn?”

"Shouldn't be more than fifteen minutes," he agrees. "Good luck with Tifa." It doesn't feel so strange after all, saying that. And maybe this'll make Cloud look just a little happier. If that's the case, Barret figures he can share.

“Got it!” says Aerith, and skips off. 

Barret wonders if she's like that because she's an Ancient, or just because. His bet's on _because_. Even though the shop doesn't end up having anything he can use, he's in a better mood by the time he starts toward the inn. Aerith has everything under control. And he bets Cloud looked damn cute in a dress. Maybe someone got pictures.

It's getting dark when Barret comes into the inn. The innkeeper (Shinra actor?) shows him to the rooms they've got. They're two big rooms with a door joining them together. Barret drops off his bag and heads down to the large, open dining area downstairs. The others are all there.

"No gun," he says, sitting across from Cloud.

“That okay?” Cloud asks, like the answer matters, but also he gets distracted right away by the girls whispering to each other at the other end of the table. 

"Yeah," Barret says, "for now. Red thinks we can get one in the Canyon." He looks Cloud up and down, thinking about him and Aerith, and then thinking about the dress. He chuckles.

Cloud offers a look of mild confusion. “That’s funny?” he asks. Red wanders into the room from wherever he’s been and hops up next to Tifa, who puts her hand on his shoulder for a moment to say hello.

"No," Barret says, "I was thinking about something else. Hey, you gonna wear that SOLDIER uniform forever? I know it helped us out here, but I can't see much benefit besides that."

Cloud shrugs. “Clothes are clothes. I guess if we see something. We still got money?”

"Some," Barret says. "You should get whatever you want."

Cloud scowls at his cup. “What _I_ want,” he says.

"Well, yeah," Barret says. "If you know." He feels like he's always making missteps with Cloud, but he's goddamn well gonna try anyway.

Cloud gives a surprised snort and says, “It’s stupid. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.”

"Yeah," Barret says. "Guess neither of us grew up with a lot of disposable income. Still, might be nice to pick something Shinra didn't pick for you." He's damn proud of everything he wears, because all of it is something he chose because he liked it.

“I guess, yeah,” says Cloud. “Then maybe people could stop yelling at me for being a SOLDIER.”

"Ha ha," Barret says. "Point taken, merc."

Cloud rolls his eyes. 

"Whatever," Barret says. "I saw some clothing shops. You and Aerith could go." If they're not too busy in the bedroom. Barret's okay with it, but he's still trying to fit it into his worldview.

Cloud looks immediately suspicious. “Why Aerith?” he says darkly.

"Dunno," Barret says. "Maybe she's good at fashion." He honestly hasn't really noticed what she wears. It doesn't stand out like Tifa's outfit.

“I guess,” says Cloud, still suspicious.

"I heard she helped you out in Wall Market," Barret says, because that's easier than talking about Aerith wanting to kiss Cloud.

Cloud turns red. “Well, okay,” he says, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. “So are you making fun of me?” 

"No!" Barret says. "I'm telling you to buy some damn clothes you like!" If it's pants or a dress or something else, it's still gonna be cute.

Cloud gives it a second, and then sits forward again to spear at a sausage. “Go with Aerith,” he says. “Got it.” He twirls the sausage around on the end of his fork, glances at the other three, down the table, and says, “Does that mean something else? Not just clothes?”

"Yeah," Barret says, mouth full of sausage. "You know. Get something you like. Probably gonna be a lot of things you like out there. But you can keep the SOLDIER shit, too."

“I mean, is this about Aerith,” says Cloud. He looks furiously uncomfortable.

Barret swallows and puts down his fork. "Yeah," he says. "But you can keep me, too. Dumbass."

Cloud’s smile appears and then vanishes again--a good sign. Like it does. 

“Don’t really know what I’m doing,” he says. “Out here. Don’t know if I maybe fooled you.”

"You couldn't fool me," Barret says. "Listen, it's all good. As long as we stick together." He doesn't want to lose his team. And he does _like_ Cloud. With feelings and shit.

Cloud looks almost shy. “Yeah,” he says. “No. We’re good.” 

"Figures you get all the girls," Barret says lightly. As if he can't see Tifa's crush on Cloud, too.

“Dunno what that means,” Cloud says, as straightforward as a bucket of paint. “But whatever. Eat your breakfast and leave me alone with your personal shit.” He shoves a hand against Barret’s, firm but gentle.

And yeah, Barret's still not confident that he's going to fit in with all of this, but he forgets that immediately when Cloud touches his hand. He covers Cloud's hand with his, squeezes hard, and then lets go to finish his breakfast. Maybe it'll be okay.


	35. Cloud

Nobody else shows up at the inn while they’re down in the dining room, probably because this is a fake town that nobody ever comes to, and the only train of the day is long gone. So they sit down there for a long time, chatting about nothing, joking, and playing with the cards Cloud still has. They made it off the boat, anyway, even if they’re messed up and wrinkled now. 

It’s reassuring. It means all that stuff in Cloud’s head, from today and from the days before today, is just in a not-too-bad pile, hanging out at the back of his mind. Mostly, his head feels clear, and his bones don’t ache. Weird how his bones usually ache. Maybe it’s the mako.

Cloud has just lost a hand badly, and is passing Barret coins, when Aerith gently pokes him in the side.

"Hey," she says. "Let's make that hand the last one."

“Oh,” he says. “Yeah, sure.” The others are still having fun. “You want to go for a walk or something?”

"I want to go hang out somewhere quiet," Aerith says. Her eyes sparkle. "One of the rooms, maybe."

“Oh, yeah,” he says. He sounds so awkward. Does he always sound this awkward? “Hey, you guys keep playing. We’re gonna--go. Talk. About.” He can’t think of what they’re going to talk about. They’re all looking at him. “Uh, flowers,” he says, and leaves the room before anyone can say anything.

Aerith follows, laughing, but not in a mean way. "We're definitely going to talk about flowers," she says, letting them both into the room she's sharing with Tifa.

“I don’t really know anything about flowers,” Cloud says. “So don’t expect much.”

"I'm glad this isn't a metaphor," Aerith says. She locks the door behind them and then grabs Cloud's hands. His heart jumps. It’s not like with Barret. He wasn’t nervous about Barret. It’s not because Barret doesn’t matter. He matters, more than a little. It’s just...different.

“Hey,” he says. 

"You up for this?" Aerith asks, still smiling. She gives his hands a hard squeeze.

“Not if you keep talking about it,” he protests. His face feels hot. He’s not explaining himself right--what he means is, he doesn’t want to decide it’s a bad idea. He doesn’t want to talk himself out of her.

"Got it," Aerith says. She steps between his arms and kisses him, cupping his face. Her hands are so soft. 

They’re opposites, that’s what Cloud thinks. She’s got gentle hands, and under that she’s the toughest person he knows. He puts his hands on her arms. Tries to be gentle too. He feels like he knew how, not that long ago.

Aerith kisses him and kisses him, and he feels himself relax by millimeters, until she finally pulls away long enough to shove him gently toward the bed. "Gloves off," she says.

Cloud starts to stumble over some kind of answer, but he bites his tongue and does what she says, instead. When his hands are free, something whispers, _Are you really going to give all that up?_ He blinks, shakes his head. “Now what?” he says, before anything can be wrong. No time for that bullshit.

"Now I'm going to take the rest of it off," Aerith says. She kisses him again and starts to undress him, quickly and firmly. She's relentless, leaning in to kiss him again between every item of clothing.

She backs him shirtless against the wall, her hands on his hips, and he makes a noise. He feels dizzy, in a good way. A little overwhelmed. He understands Barret. He understood Zack. Her, he’s not a hundred percent sure how to touch. 

"It's okay," Aerith says, as if she's reading his mind. She takes his hand and puts it on her shoulder, sliding it into her dress and along her collarbone. She shrugs out of the dress and lets it fall to the floor, pooling around her ankles.

Cloud can’t breathe steadily. He swears under his breath without meaning to, and then says, “Sorry!” and then blushes furiously when she laughs at him for apologizing.

“Come on!” he says. “I don’t know about girls, I--” But then she leans into him and her skin is so hot against his that his heart forgets to beat. By the time they hit the bed, they’re both naked. Their skin together makes Cloud feel...untethered, not good or bad, just pulled by the air. Cloud feels all the hard thoughts, too, whirling around them. They’re waiting, but they can’t reach in and ruin things. He can tell they won’t. Not yet. 

“You’re pretty,” he says, looking down at her. Maybe, he thinks, he’s never talked to a girl in his whole life.

But she smiles. "You're pretty too," she says. The next time she kisses him, she isn't gentle. She bites his lip and digs her fingers into his hips like she wants to eat him up. She's flushed, too, and there's a strand of hair stuck to her forehead.

Cloud drops down on one elbow, making sounds he doesn’t mean to into her mouth. He can’t help it. Their chests are pressed together. He can feel both of them breathing. He feels--

He takes a quick breath. He tucks a hand against her face and kisses her back until she sinks under it. He slowly moves his hand up her chest and squeezes until she moans. Fuck. Good. He can hear himself gasping. He was kind of scared that wouldn’t work. 

Aerith spreads her legs under him, her hands wound in his hair. "You're going to be okay," she whispers, smiling at him in the dark. "Come on."

“ _Hmm_ ,” Cloud says, and moves down so he can kiss her throat, then her chest, then her stomach. He thinks he _might_ die, but it also might be worth it.

Her fingers massage points of heat into his scalp, and her breathing is ragged. "Cloud," she says, like his name is amusing and beautiful.

“What?” he mutters against her thigh. “You scared I’m not gonna do it?”

"I'm not scared," she says. "I know you will."

He hugs her thigh tightly with one arm, and ducks his head.

Aerith isn't quiet. The noises she makes are loud enough to be heard in the hall, but she eventually covers her face with the pillow. She doesn't stop moving her hands in Cloud's hair. Finally, she hurls the pillow out of the way and says, "Come on, Cloud, I want you, come here."

Cloud climbs up, lips swollen, feeling something burn is his chest that he knows is happiness, and he’s not sure what to do with it.

“What do you want?” he asks hoarsely. 

"Fuck me," she says, and the way she says it makes it feel like the nicest thing in the world.

So why is that so fucking scary? What’s wrong with him?

“Yeah?” he says, shifting his weight. “Yeah. Nice.”

"If that's okay," she says, running her hand over his chest. "Otherwise, we'll do other stuff."

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Cloud says. “Hey, don’t worry.”

Her hand stops moving, just pressing hard against his chest. "I'm not worried," she says. "This is amazing. Hey. Let's go back to what you were doing. That was good. I mean, it was _really good_." She gives him one of her winks, bright in the darkness.

A weight releases from Cloud’s chest that he doesn’t understand. He nods, maybe she can see it in the dim moonlight, and slides down, and moves his mouth on her until she’s pulled her pillow back over her face, and his heart is beating so hard his whole body feels it. 

When her body tenses and she screams into the pillow, her hands tighten in his hair, gripping and grounding him. She's only still for a second before she's tossing the pillow aside again and saying, breathless, "Let me touch you, is that okay?"

He nods again, then remembers it’s dark. “Yeah,” he says, his voice even hoarser than before. “You’re…”

"I'm awesome?" Aerith says. "What am I?" She pulls him up beside her and runs her hand over his hip.

Cloud says, “More. I mean, good. I mean, I like you.” He means she’s so alive that being with her feels like it makes up for him. He means he feels something good, and it hurts, and he wants more of it.

"Yeah," Aerith says, like she gets it. Then she's touching him everywhere, and it's hard to think at all. Her hands are hot and while she's touching him she kisses his neck, then his mouth, until he's dizzy.

He lets her push him down and take over. She’s good at that. It’s a relief. Soon he can hear himself, not loud like her, but he doesn’t have to be quiet, so he’s not. He gasps in time to her strokes, needy, maybe, burning hotter and hotter. Then it catches him by surprise, rushing through him like electricity while he jams his wrist against his mouth to hold back his shout. 

She keeps her hands on him until he's finished, and then after, sliding them up his body. "Hi," she whispers. "Hi, you. I like you, too."

He feels a surge of need and fear and suddenly hugs her close. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you,” he says. “Nothing bad.”

"You already saved me once," Aerith says. "But it's not just your job, you know."

“That means it’s my job a little, though, right?” he says into her shoulder. 

"I won't say no to you trying to keep me safe," she says. "But it sounds like you've already been carrying that job around for someone else." She gives him a squeeze.

He eases back on one elbow. “Well, what does that mean?” he says. 

"It means it's not your fault, what happened to Zack. It wasn't your job to protect him, and it's not your job to protect me," Aerith says calmly.

Her words land, but Cloud doesn’t know how they feel. He searches around, but no luck. He can’t feel anything. 

“Well, I’ll still look out for you,” he says. 

"Deal," she says. "I'll look out for you, too." She shivers. "Okay, help me find my dress."

Cloud rolls out of bed and stoops to scoop it off the floor for her. He holds it out and says, “Are there towels in this room? Need a shower, I think.”

Aerith points them out. "I'll take one later. I want to see who won the card game." She smiles at him and gives him a quick hug. "Cloud, thanks."

He pulls on the front lock of her hair, gentle. “Yeah,” he says. “You too.” He grabs a towel before she can open the door with him still naked, and waves at her on her way out. For a minute he can’t think if he should bring his clothes with him to the bathroom, and deciding feels impossible. 

When Aerith is long gone, Cloud walks down the carpeted hallway in bare feet. He can hear his friends downstairs, but the quiet up here feels like a bubble around him. He couldn’t break through if he tried to break through it. There’s a shower, and a toilet--different doors--and no one’s in the shower. He locks himself in and hangs up the towel, and shivers while the water heats up. It does heat up, though. 

Suddenly, the water, and the steam, and the towel, and walking back down that hall all feel impossible. He never tried to protect Zack. He let Zack protect him. Zack is dead, and it’s Cloud’s fault.

He doesn’t remember how he ended up on the floor. He doesn’t remember starting to cry. He doesn’t remember how to stop.


	36. Red

Red is not enjoying the card game. He can't hold the cards, and he doesn't want someone to hold them for him, and he doesn't understand the rules. They don't play this at home. Tifa and Barret are having fun, but they don't mind too much when he finally suggests that they switch to a two-person game. He's only been curled up under Barret's feet for a few minutes when Aerith comes back.

She smells like Cloud. Red notices it with a pang, but he also notices that Cloud's not with her. He dozes a little longer, debating whether he should get up, but he can't really settle in. He rustles to his feet and puts his head down, sniffing Cloud out. Maybe he’ll tell Red to go away, but he's restless and his skin feels too tight. He sniffs his way to the shower room. The door is shut, so he taps his paw on it. His claws make a _scrape, scrape_ noise on the wood.

He can hear the water running, and a sound behind the water. Harder to understand, at first. Not impossible to understand, though. 

He scratches at the door again, harder. "Cloud," he says.

The painful sounds catch, and stop. The water keeps running. For a minute there isn’t anything, but Red has learned to be so patient since he’s grown up. Then the water shuts off, the door opens a crack, and Cloud’s face, blotchy and fat, peeks out. 

“You need this?” he says. “Sorry. Five minutes. I’ll be out.”

"I want to come in and see you," Red says. He nudges at Cloud's knee with his nose. "To keep you company, if you want it." The room is hot and steamy. Red can smell the salt on Cloud's face.

Cloud tightens his grip on the towel around his waist. “For the...shower?” he says. 

"For your feelings," Red says. If he's wanted. Maybe this is one more thing he's not allowed to be a part of.

“Oh. I didn’t--I mean, don’t say it like that,” Cloud says, but he doesn’t sound annoyed, just upset.

"I was bad at the card game," Red says. "Can I spend time with you instead?" One way in which he's the same as humans is that they all need to protect their own feelings.

Cloud’s expression does something Red hasn’t seen before, something that makes his eyes too bright. He pushes the door open a little, and lets Red in.

Red pads across the damp floor, feeling the humidity soak into him. The whole room feels sad. He hopes Cloud is sad about one of the other things, not about Aerith. But asking seems rude.

Cloud settles on the floor, awkwardly tucking his towel around himself. He looks smaller, down here, without armor. He pushes at his wet hair, and water runs down his arm.

“Sorry you had a rough time,” he says.

Red bobs his head gravely. "Yes," he says. "No hands." He settles next to Cloud, close enough to lean. Cloud leans slightly back. 

“We should think about you more,” Cloud says. 

"It's all right," Red says. Being thought about is mortifying in its own way. Although not being thought about is probably worse. "I'm sorry your day was...difficult," he says.

Cloud ducks his head so that Red can’t look straight into his face. “I’m not...doing great,” he says. “I’m trying. Because everyone keeps saying they need me. But it’s like Barret said. I didn’t know shit. Now I know too much shit. Everything I can remember is...it hurts.”

"Mm," Red says. He leans hard into Cloud. "Bad," he agrees. Everything he can remember either hurts or has the potential to hurt. "I don't know everything you've been through," he says, "but I understand the feeling."

“Prefer it if you didn’t,” Cloud says. “You know. They’re all really tough. They’ve all been through shit. But none of them are hiding in the bathroom. It’s stupid.” It’s very clear to Red that he means something sadder and worse than that he’s stupid.

"They all cry sometimes," Red says. "It's a rational response to being tortured and dehumanized." He leans harder, hoping he feels warm and good to Cloud. He doesn't know what else to offer.

Cloud pulls his knees up tighter against his chest, and rests his head on Red’s shoulder. 

“Fuck,” he says quietly. “We gotta stop Sephiroth, or this kind of crap will be the last thing I ever do.”

"We'll stop him," Red says. "And we'll all come through in one piece. Not just our bodies." He sounds very confident, he thinks. He wants to sound like that, for Cloud's sake.

To his surprise, Cloud’s arm swings up around Red’s chest, and he hugs him tight, face buried in Red’s fur. 

“Everybody wants something,” Cloud says, muffled voice breaking. “I’m so tired.”

"I don't want anything," Red says, proud. He can be a rock for Cloud. "You can rest with me."

“Doesn’t sound fair,” says Cloud. His breath is hot through Red’s fur. It feels good to be held.

"We can all go in a circle," Red says patiently. "I'll need something from Aerith. We all balance out."

“You can need me,” says Cloud gruffly. He sits up, and his face is wet again. He scrubs it with one hand, almost defiantly, and says, “I’m not gonna be helpless.”

"You're very strong," Red says. "But even strong people have to cry in the shower sometimes." He says it as if he knows. He doesn't cry much, and he never goes into a shower. His tail drags through a pool of water and sizzles before flaring back to life.

“Thanks,” says Cloud, sarcastic enough that he sounds like himself. “Um. I need clothes. Do you--where’re you sleeping?”

"Your room," Red says. "If that's all right." With the complicated dance going on between the humans, he may not be welcome. But he would like to be.

“It’s fine,” Cloud says disingenuously. And then, “Please. I mean...thanks.”

Red makes a pleased little wuffle. There. He did a good thing. And he really wants company, too. "I will get your clothes," he says. "I can be very careful. Then we sleep." He stands, tail swishing wildly, giving off little sparks that pop and snap where they strike water.

Cloud says, “I like your flame.”

"It was always mine," Red says. "Not something Hojo did." It feels important to clarify, but then he worries he'll make Cloud feel bad.

Cloud smiles instead. “Good,” he says. “I figured, since it was locked up before.”

Red shudders--noticeably, he thinks. "Yes." It had been like having one of his lungs taken away. Stifling. "I'll go and get your clothes now." He gently bumps Cloud's leg as he goes past. True to his word, he's careful. He's good at manipulating things with his mouth and paws, being very cautious not to ruffle or tear them. It takes him longer than he'd like, but when he ultimately comes back to the shower room, he's victorious.

Cloud takes them with a nod of thanks and shuts the door between them. When he comes out, he’s still only wearing his shirt and undershorts with his towel and other things bunched around him.

Red smiles up at him. He knows some people (Barret) find his smile unnerving, but he doesn't think Cloud does. "Bedtime," he says. "I'm very tired. Too much chasing bats."

Cloud makes a sound Red thinks is a laugh. He definitely looks a little happier. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Sounds good.” 

There are three rooms tonight, and Cloud locks them into his. 

“They’ll figure it out,” he says. A little askance. Red thinks he’s probably thinking of Aerith. Red hasn't been sure whether to say anything. But Aerith is his friend, too. He wants everyone to be all right. In the end, he decides it isn't his business. Besides, there's something really nice about being included in a special little group, just him and Cloud.

"I can sleep on the floor," he offers. Just in case.

“Huh?” says Cloud. “I mean. Do you want to? You like to sleep in a bed, right?”

"I love to sleep in a bed," Red says, joy surging in his chest. His tail whips back and forth. He jumps onto the bed and pads in a circle, ruffling the covers. "Don't worry," he says. "My tail will go out when I sleep." He doesn't know if Cloud has noticed.

But, “Yeah,” Cloud says. “I like the--” He makes a pinching gesture with his thumb and forefinger and a noise like _whuff_.

Red is delighted. For the first time in days--maybe longer--he doesn't feel so lonely. "Like that," he agrees. "Come curl up." He fights the puppy urge to pad his feet up and down on the soft bed. He's never had littermates to curl up to.

Cloud kills the light, and then just Red’s flame guides his way into bed. They shift around for a minute, finding their place. Red expects Cloud to just be a stiff board all down one side, no matter how nice he is. But as they end up, Red is flat on his stomach, chin to the bed, legs splayed out to one side. And Cloud is curled up on one side, his head resting between Red’s shoulder and his ribs. After a moment, Cloud’s hand settles on Red’s side.

Red hums out a soft, low noise. Nobody touches him like this except for Aerith. It feels good. He feels...a part of things. His tail, curled up on his far side, slowly dims. Resting on him, Cloud is heavy, and Cloud is warm.


End file.
